snr Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Hey, so me and my partner of 18 months have recently broke up because he's struggling to cope with everything. When we broke up he told me that he can't handle being in a relationship at the moment, and at the time it was completely unplanned and as a result of a bad joke I made (he did however say he'd been considering it for a few months). At first it sent me into a deep depression and I realised all the mistakes I'd made in the relationship that probably exacerbated the problems he was having (pressuring him into taking me on dates, spending time with me when he needed to do other things/ have time to himself) and that he was desperate to get himself space but was too afraid to ask for it properly as he was worried about what I might do (as I suffered horrifically with depression for a fair amount of our relationship - self harm/ suicide). I went to see him a couple of weeks ago to talk it through and I said to him that I understood that he needed to put himself first and sort his life out and that I wouldn't make the break-up any harder because I wanted him to be happy more than I wanted to continue to make him miserable to make myself happy. I told him that I love him and I wanted him to keep an open mind about reconciling because we do have a good relationship (flawed, but good) as I understood what I needed to do to make myself and our relationship better. He said he still loves me, and I him. I suggested (as a kind of joke-not-joke) that in 6 months we go on a date together and start again slowly. He said that he didn't want to promise that and admitted that he didn't see a future with me anymore. I'm really struggling because on the one hand, I desperately want him to come back to me and give me the opportunity to look after him the way he looked after me, but I realise that he needs this time away from me to sort himself out. But it's made harder by a few of the things he did that suggested that he wasn't entirely comfortable with ending it (he was crying along with me, made jokes about us getting old together, gave me a final hug and didn't request for me to take all my stuff with me which had been the initial reason I went around). He's said that he'd like to stay friends and I agreed that I'd like that to, if for no other reason than to make sure he gets his life back on track. We also agreed to NC for at least a month to make it easier on both of us. I'm trying to focus on getting myself back (I didn't realise how much of myself I lost when I got in a relationship with him) but I'm really struggling as I can't stop getting the idea of a reconciliation out of my mind. My friends have been fairly supportive but their way of trying to help me deal with it is by avoiding it. Just wondered if people had any advice for me? Link to comment
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