kelthuzad Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Hi all, Ever since my breakup, I've been seeing threads from this forum to find some glimmering hope but actually my first time writing anything on board. My relationship of 2 years has been a bumpy one, my ex had an avoidance attachment issues and I had problems of my own, I can accept that the relationship is not healthy and breaking up and moving on is very much best thing that can happen to both of us. I've been listening to subliminal (positive affirmation), hypnosis during night and day to get over my past and started reconnecting with friends I've been neglecting and going to gym, sports and seeking counselling etc. My problem is that I'm having so much frequent dreaming about her nearly every day and it is driving me crazy. There would be odd day when I don't dream at all and I'll be thankful. Did anyone experience dreaming about their ex every single day and if it would get any better, or any alternative way to get over this any quicker? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Usually the one thing that does help is sleeping for me. This time I can't sleep. When I do. It's some instance of my ex but there always someone else physically. I know it's them it's strange. Though I have usually noticed in my dreams. I am someone else if I get a look at myself. I don't know what that's all about. To answer your question I'm thinking just time unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 My dreams were horrible. I had a dream about my ex cheating on me, I woke up and was like thank god that was a dream , then as I woke up I realized that we weren't even dating anymore it was like a double hit to the gut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derroax Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Dreams are the way your subconscious communicates with your conscious mind. When you try to actively block things out of your subsconscious mind, i.e. If you try not to think about it and find activities to keep you occupied, your subconscious will try to communicate with you and the only way to do it is when you are asleep and you can't make an active effort to block out those thoughts. The only thing it's trying to tell you is that you need to grieve. You didn't get closure and you need to cry, be sad, angry, think about all the good times and the bad times and just go through the process. Trying to bottle it up won't make it disappear. You'll know you were successful when you stop dreaming about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sillybillycat Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 My ex of 9 years dumped me almost two months ago. We've been in no contact for exactly 23 days, and the last time we talked we ended up fighting and he said terrible things to me. I know it's over, but I dream of him every single night. Some days he is just there, some other we're still together, other we fight. But he's in my mind when I wake up. It's getting better with time, though. So I guess that eventually it will stop (I hope so!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 To curb nightmares, I've found 'self suggestion' before sleep to be helpful. I relax before lying down, and I suggest to my brain, "I appreciate you working stuff through for me, but I need restful sleep. Please work on 'background processing' so that I can rest." Then I trust that if there's anything I need to remember about my dreams in the morning, I will--but the turbulence is unnecessary. The bigger help is to keep a pen and notebook near bed. Nothing fancy, just a cheap spiral pad that you can scribble on before, during and after the night. Suggest to your brain that whatever you write down is a 'purge' of stuff you no longer need to hold onto. It's captured there in writing, so you can solve puzzles later instead of holding onto fragments while sleeping. This combo plate of purging and suggestion may have you waking during the night a few times. That's fine--it's the important stuff--just grab the pad and write anything you can remember. Then confirm to yourself that you can let go of it now, and go back to sleep. See if these two methods help, and if not, we can suggest other things. This combo suggests that I don't need to 'fight' with my brain, I can treat thoughts as important, record them instead of hold them, and then I can relax. Head high, you'll get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Please work on 'background processing' so that I can rest. that's so funny and so helpful! op are they nightmares? when after a major life change i have frequent vivid dreams i always write them down, because as catfeeder said, it's processing. it helps me to take clues from my dreams as i am working through the pain. however i have noticed 2 types of vivid dreams. one is what most people are familiar with- vivid, intense, intensely symbolic and obviously relating to my wishes, fears, inner conflicts. the other is kind of like my body is asleep and my mind isn't. like the inner monologue i have before falling asleep continues into the hypnagogic state and the dream, and upon waking it continues. to me this is the exhausting and distressing type. i can clearly hear the inner monologue in my dream, and just continue in the morning- like my brain hasn't slept or dreamt at all, it just went on with it's preoccupation. this only happens when the stress in my life is extreme thankfully, and what always helped was having a notebook/brain dump and setting aside a certain amount of time in a day and writing all thoughts about the situation. not neatly, i didn't bother with form or grammar or making proper sentences, that would take too long and might encourage brooding on my problems. just quick notes. if i purposefully took away the material that fed my nightly preoccupation, there was more peace at night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emptyeffort Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 well if you think night and day abouther and you listen to those weird hypnosis thingies thatmake you think of her as well, obviously you will be dreaming of her. you needto get your mind off of her duringthe day so you dont dream of her during the night. distract yourself as good as you can with school, work, sport, gaming, friends, what ever you want and itll get less. i didnt have a lot of dreams about my ex after it ended but it definitely pushed down my mood in the beginning when i did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelthuzad Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 Thanks everyone. Rainycoast no they are not nightmares and my ex manifests within my dream. Its only when I wake up I don't feel good as it reminds me that I haven't moved on. Hypnosis tapes actually is message to move on from past bad relationship.. so I think it's at least helping me to be at ease when I sleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinity11 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I have the exhausting and distressing type on a regular basis. I will try catfeeders idea. I have suffered nightmares since i can remember. I can remember them in great great detail so never have needed to write it down, I could tell someone such intricate details it would blow your mind. Sadly since Dec 11 I have had them nearly every night about the ex in some way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 I have the exhausting and distressing type on a regular basis. I will try catfeeders idea. I have suffered nightmares since i can remember. I can remember them in great great detail so never have needed to write it down, I could tell someone such intricate details it would blow your mind. Sadly since Dec 11 I have had them nearly every night about the ex in some way. You don't need to write it down to remember, you write it to purge it so you're not holding onto all the fragments and repeating the pattern of trying to assemble them through your dreaming. The writing suggests to your brain that you've 'captured' the messages on the page, so then you don't need to keep rehashing them--you can let go, instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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