cutiepieccd Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Did I deserve all he had done to me? I was so into this guy , we talked a lot online and then got to know each other and met up a few times..the more I met him the more I was into him and I presumed he felt the same, he started to get distant and eventually over text message told me I was dumped. I was heartbroken because no guy had ever cared about me I now it was just lies but at the time, got totally caught up with him. I would text and beg him to give me a chance and totally made a complete fool of myself, he cut me off and I was left picking the pieces up of my broken heart, I know I'm stupid how can fall for someone only met a few times but we had been talking online for years. Since then he randomly contacted me, unbeknown to me his new girlfriend was sitting beside him and I'd be chatting away and he'd ask if I still fancied him, I said yes, he then messages back with 'lol blocked' that hurt but then it kept happening every few months so I asked him a few times why he kept messaging me and why he still had my number, my phone rang and his girlfriend was just verbally abusing me on the phone, saying I was rubbish etc, I hung the phone up and right then changed my number. I tried online dating and that's when the catfishing started were he was actually pretending to be someone else to get my new number and my Kik, I deleted all messaging apps ad pretended to have changed my number. I only logged onto Kik yesterday after months not using it thinking it be ok, I mean if it's been deleted the person will have deleted me thinking it's no longer in use, I was wrong he contacted me on that asking if I wanted to chat, I ignored him and he sent another message, I ignored that but the message said he was sorry for everything he had done to me, I've deleted my Kik again. I don't know what I done wrong was it because I begged and pleaded with him he done that to me? The begging and pleading was a few years ago why il has he still got a grudge against me? I put up with a lot of abuse that I'm fat and ugly, I'm crap in bed, getting blamed for sleeping with men I've never even heard of before and all I ever was, was be nice to him, even after the abuse and the pretending being someone else I was nice to him where I should of been so angry. i guess I'm just a stupid idiot and since then never trusted another male, I let one take over my heart and my head. It's just crazy that he's doing things like this, I always blame myself as if I'm encouraging it just by going on with my life. How can I move on if when I do I get reminded of being a snivelling little begger for love? Everyone says ignore which I do but that don't stop it getting to me. I'm so ashamed of myself I don't know what to do, has this happened to anyone else? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 How long were you dating? How often did you see each other? Were you exclusive or in a LDR? Was he married? It's best not to get involved in a mostly cyber relationship fantasy. Although he was a real person, you only met up a few times. Go no contact and delete and block him from everything. That's the only way to heal and move forward. Set up a nice profile and pics on some dating apps and start meeting local available guys. Meet asap for a low pressure coffee. have real-life, real-time relationships. we talked a lot online and then got to know each other and met up a few times..he started to get distant and eventually over text message told me I was dumped. I know I'm stupid how can fall for someone only met a few times but we had been talking online for years. Link to comment
cutiepieccd Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 How long were you dating? How often did you see each other? Were you exclusive or in a LDR? Was he married? It's best not to get involved in a mostly cyber relationship fantasy. Although he was a real person, you only met up a few times. Go no contact and delete and block him from everything. That's the only way to heal and move forward. Set up a nice profile and pics on some dating apps and start meeting local available guys. Meet asap for a low pressure coffee. have real-life, real-time relationships. I did that a few times and he was on them pretending to be other people, I deleted profiles and not been on them since...I'm just avoiding him completely and ignoring him.. He's not getting it through to him I don't want anything more to do with him anymore Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 You were in an abusive relationship, and unfortunately he has convinced you things were your fault, when in fact it isn't and wasn't. You need to suck up the fact it's going to hurt without him as your drug of choice for a little while, and let the fog clear until you can see what a rotten person he is. Then go get some therapy, go take some activities and work on you building up your self-esteem and self-respect without having to rely on that from anyone else. That means no dating, no looking to men to build up your sense of self-worth, women either. You need to focus on you, on how to make yourself happy, be in control of your own life, and to learn that no matter how much you like/love/feel you need someone if they don't make you feel good and aren't an enhancement to the already nice life you have built for yourself that they're going to get to the boot. And part of that is you learn to forgive yourself. We all make crap choices of one sort or another, and sociopaths and abusive people are charming IF they are at all to succeed in fooling others. It's what they learn to do and they usually work harder at it than the rest of us do, because it's all they've got. A great book to read on the topic is Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men." (I may have that title wrong slightly, but you'll find it.) The fact is my "first love" was an emotionally and then physically abusive man who turned out to be a drug dealer. And I was able to leave him, and go on to find love again, several times actually, and put together a pretty nice life for myself. And you can too and the first step to that is blocking and deleting him, getting him out of your life altogether, and moving forward to rebuild. You need to keep ignoring him until he goes away. Keep blocking and deleting or send one clear text of the "I am over you, do not contact me again" and then after that keep a detailed log of any contact attempts to take to the cops or a lawyer if he goes into stalker mode. More likely though he still doesn't believe you're over him and over the whole thing, and since he feeds his ego on hurting others you're an addiction and supply he's going to have to learn to live without. Hes' just trying to hoover you in. Right now would be an excellent time to get off of electronic means anyways and just get out and go do things. Make new friends, take up new activities, meet people in person. And when you feel confident in yourself and that you can trust yourself first and foremost not to accept another's abuse of you whether they do it in the first week or wait six months or a year even, you can then look at dating again. For now it's time to build up you and put him up on a shelf as a lesson learned in the type of person you will never tolerate having in your life again. Good luck, you've made that first step. Keep going. Link to comment
cutiepieccd Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 Believe me I tried that like 2 years ago, guy is becoming a total goon..I don't want to block him because I don't want his name on my apps, if that makes sense? That tempting feeling to unblock him again, no no thanks, I've just deleted it, but have screenshot everything in case it worsens to take to the police, I'm sitting here thinking to myself I must of done something bad in a previous life, I've always done good with people, I can't get my head round the fact how desperate I was to be loved that I fell for someone online who only met me when it was convienent and how badly he treated me, making me beg like a dog as if he's gods gift, it's sick..I just think my self esteem and coming from an abusive background opened me up to that sort of man...I could of stopped him and didn't and I hate myself. I think he musta had twisted feelings for me though sickening as it is because no normal person would keep that up. I'm to good a person for lowlife rats like him, and wouldn't lower myself to do that to another person and by typing that it makes me feel good about myself because it's true, but the shame is still there that I can't ever get rid of Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Paris said it good. Unfortunately an abuser has had experience in there craft. They make you feel like the bad guy. They play on your emotions. You always want and think it can go back to the way it was. This goes again't your better judgment. Im happy I stuck absolutely to certain principles with my abuser. But I feel the absolute fool also for even having feelings for that person. Hopefully once one goes thru something they learn at least something from it. Everyone is worth something. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Why would you be tempted to unblock him if he's done all these horrible things you say he's done? Sorry but that sounds like an excuse to keep him contacting you. Are you still hoping that someday he'll say he loves you and wants you two to get back together? Link to comment
cutiepieccd Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 I've not unblocked him I remove myself completely away from him, changing numbers, deleted my Facebook, deleted my dating profiles, I don't block as don't want nothing to do with him at all, don't want his name or him near anything that is mine. The catfishing was him to get access to my stuff. I deleted it all! Everything gone when I catch on its him. Are you trying to be funny? Link to comment
cutiepieccd Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 Paris said it good. Unfortunately an abuser has had experience in there craft. They make you feel like the bad guy. They play on your emotions. You always want and think it can go back to the way it was. This goes again't your better judgment. Im happy I stuck absolutely to certain principles with my abuser. But I feel the absolute fool also for even having feelings for that person. Hopefully once one goes thru something they learn at least something from it. Everyone is worth something. Been abused all my life, physically and mentally, it's left my head like scrambled eggs, I don't think I will ever have a loving relationship I'm to damaged and I've accepted it, i could break the cycle but to me men all start off good and then they change, never had a father figure in my life as he was my biggest abuser, and it all comes from my childhood. If I had a normal loving family I wouldn't attract those sorts of men. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I've not unblocked him I remove myself completely away from him, changing numbers, deleted my Facebook, deleted my dating profiles, I don't block as don't want nothing to do with him at all, don't want his name or him near anything that is mine. The catfishing was him to get access to my stuff. I deleted it all! Everything gone when I catch on its him. Are you trying to be funny? "I don't want to block him because I don't want his name on my apps, if that makes sense?" This is what I based that on. You yourself said you don't want to block him. I'm just asking why because no, not wanting his name on your apps doesn't make sense. It would be easier and less labor intensive to block rather than having to delete everything he sends. Link to comment
cutiepieccd Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 "I don't want to block him because I don't want his name on my apps, if that makes sense?" This is what I based that on. You yourself said you don't want to block him. I'm just asking why because no, not wanting his name on your apps doesn't make sense. It would be easier and less labor intensive to block rather than having to delete everything he sends. No I delete my apps not his conversations, he would just make a new name up I know him. Best to get rid of apps Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Yep, probably. He's some kind of sadist to keep wanting to torture you. Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 OP there are nice people out there. I at least hope there are. Considering I have to pick myself up and try again eventually. I met a girl 5 years ago. She had a self fulfilling prophecy. Every relationship lasts 4 months. I didn't believe it but I knew I couldn't take it anymore. At 4 months. Funny thing was she was wonderful with children. We were watching one of her aunts kids he was maybe 6-9 and he was upset cause the 4 month mark was coming and he liked to hang out. Don't generalize yourself. I've found everyone is different the only thing that stays the same is you. Link to comment
kamurj Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed. Link to comment
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