Boyfriends Ex Won't Leave Him Alone

[Ineedadviceplz]

So I recently just discovered that my boyfriend has been lying to me for the past few months and he's been texting his ex and even saw her once when he visited his home town. Basically we are in college and we started dating 3 months before school started and we've been dating for 8 months now. His ex girlfriend is still creeping on him. He told me that when they met up a few months back to catch up she said she still had feelings for him. She goes to a separate college and has a long term boyfriend.

I ended up sending her a direct message on Instagram because I felt uncomfortable not knowing this girl and I just introduced myself and explained I felt awkward tension because shes an ex and all and she was kind of nice about it but I wouldn't really want to be friends with her (she does a lot of drugs and I'm not big on that!) and so that went by and a few days later she texted my boyfriend just asking for help and then said never mind after he responded. But I also tweeted "I'm sorry if your boyfriend doesn't pay attention to you but don't strive attention from mine" - she doesn't even follow me or my boyfriend on Twitter and she texted him just yesterday saying he's an and that I'm a full of drama and sent him a screenshot of my tweet claiming it was about her and freaking out... I get tweeting is a little immature but this is exactly the reaction I was expecting if she still cared about him.

She still texts him. She constantly unfollows him on social media and then te follows him (like Instagram) and she will constantly creep on his Twitter even though she doesn't even follow him. She also has gone through his tweets and favorited an old one and HE texted her saying "why'd you favorite that tweet" and she said "I wanted your attention".

So, I know everything she does is honestly just to grab his attention and she's won once before by doing this I guess because he texted her first.

My worry is that he still has feelings for her. My boyfriend claims its nothing and that he won't talk to her anymore but he said that months ago and just did it behind my back.

What should I do? I really just don't want to deal with this girl anymore. She's just asking for his attention and it's just starting to affect me. I can't stop thinking about it and comparing myself to her. I also am just bothered because she thinks it's okay when she has a boyfriend.

 

What should I do?

[arjumand]

The girl is not your problem -- your boyfriend is. He keeps in touch, he meets up, he lies to you. She is not the problem. Dealing directly with her is not changing his behavior, it just makes you crazy. That is not your job. In a good relationship, you should be able to trust him to not contact her, not see her. You can't. That is because he is not a good boyfriend. Break up with him and realize that you should not be dating someone you can't trust.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Three's a crowd and he still has feelings for her. The biggest red flag is that he's lying about it and playing you.

 

Are you sure she's an ex and not his hometown gf while you're the campus gf? She's not the problem, your bf is.

 

She contacts him because he wants her to and responds. Don't get in a catfight with her, consider ending it with your deceptive bf.

So I recently just discovered that my boyfriend has been lying to me for the past few months and he's been texting his ex and even saw her once when he visited his home town. My worry is that he still has feelings for her. My boyfriend claims its nothing and that he won't talk to her anymore but he said that months ago and just did it behind my back.

[DancingFool]

Can only echo what has already been said. She is not your problem your bf is. If he wanted her out of his life - delete, block, done. He is the one who is enjoying the contact, the attention, the "game", and is the one responding and even meeting up with her.

 

Either address it with him directly and he actually boots her or you dump him. The one thing you don't want to be doing is making a complete fool out of yourself by getting into a cat fight with this girl. All you are really doing is telling the world that your bf is not loyal to you and not over his ex and since you are still with him, you are tolerating being treated as second best. Yuck. Have more self respect than that.

[FlashEng1]

Although there's so much attention toward the ex girlfriend, you say a few key things that really points to what's bothering you, and what you should ideally be focusing on:

 

So I recently just discovered that my boyfriend has been lying to me for the past few months and he's been texting his ex and even saw her once when he visited his home town.

 

He told me that when they met up a few months back to catch up she said she still had feelings for him. She goes to a separate college and has a long term boyfriend.

 

a few days later she texted my boyfriend just asking for help and then said never mind after he responded.

 

She still texts him.

 

HE texted her saying ...............

 

everything she does is honestly just to grab his attention and she's won once before by doing this I guess because he texted her first.

 

My worry is that he still has feelings for her.

 

My boyfriend claims its nothing and that he won't talk to her anymore but he said that months ago and just did it behind my back.

 

 

Highlighting a few key parts of your story, it becomes evident what you must do. Leave you boyfriend. You've already confronted him about this, and he continues to talk to her for whatever reason behind your back. It's time to SHOW him you mean what you say and you deserve way more respect than what he's been giving you. He's your problem, not her. She's the effect of what he's been doing and saying. If they have no kid together, technology has an AMAZING feature called block and ignore. He can do it and no matter WHAT she has to say OR her "emergency," he won't know about it.. But.... it's pretty obvious he either isn't strong enough to block her, or he's good at playing you and keeping you naive while he continues to reach out and communicate with her.

 

 

The part about sending her a direct message I'd frown upon and recommend against. It's been done already, but maybe in the next relationship refrain from that. You have zero reason to communicate with the ex unless they are physically in your face about something, or your current boyfriend had kids with them and you needed to communicate something with them about the kids. Other than that, she has NO reason to tell you the truth, or no obligation or friendship toward you, so why you would trust anything you say to her would hold value or merit? It's going in one ear and out the other. And getting to know them? It's fake. YOU'RE with HER ex man. Don't be so naive next time.

 

The part about the tweet you sent? Yeah, that's a result of getting into the drama that you had no business getting into in the beginning. And yes, you are full of drama by being the one to message the ex, AND tweet about the ex. You've been fighting the wrong side of the battle the entire time. There's nothing you can do to get her to leave you alone when in fact it's your boyfriend who's giving her the thumbs up to continue talking to him! HE'S your problem, not her! Funny thing about your tweet is YOUR boyfriend isn't paying any more attention to you. He may "look" like he's awesome, but behind your back he's giving credit to the very woman you've tweeted about, and he's already been with! He's giving her attention when he's not giving it to you.

[Liraele]

The girl is not your problem -- your boyfriend is. He keeps in touch, he meets up, he lies to you. She is not the problem. Dealing directly with her is not changing his behavior, it just makes you crazy. That is not your job. In a good relationship, you should be able to trust him to not contact her, not see her. You can't. That is because he is not a good boyfriend. Break up with him and realize that you should not be dating someone you can't trust.

 

Yup. 100% correct.

[jennylove]

He's no good! He should've cut her off when you came into the picture, but he chose not to do that.

[HeartGoesOn]

He's an adult who knows exactly what he's doing, which is playing dumb and hoping you'll buy it. I would tell him you're not up for his games, followed by sending him packing.