Ran Into My Ex After 2 Years

[heartbroken84]

The most awkward thing happened to me this evening whilst I went to get dinner alone by myself. Went to treat myself to sushi, sat at the sushi bar, chatted for little bit with the person next to me for a bit. I had my dinner and took my time playing on my phone. All while right exactly behind me my ex-boyfriend of nearly 2 years sat next to me enjoying dinner with his current woman/girlfriend/fiancee.

 

We got together in early 2013 and broke up late 2014 and never ever saw him again after what was a very painful breakup at the age of 30. I was a mess - I was already struggling with a severe mental illness of bipolar - whilst I had a good heart, it has always been difficult for people to keep up or down with me. I believe we were in love though the health condition and challenge of not knowing how to cope really strained the relationship and brought out the worst in me. Sure, if I could go back I would change many behaviors, though his impatience and conditional love didn't serve me well despite his seemingly calm nature.

 

We broke up over two years ago and often I feel as though he was the one that got away - he was my last best friend, anyone who wanted to share time and have a long term relationship, the last person to want to build something lasting with me. Well, not last, but I've been very single since then mostly working on myself, bettering my career all of which have happened.

 

Tonight, as I turned around to leave the restaurant around the corner of my home - I recognized a familiar voice. I glanced to see the back side of him and a profile of his face, he was deeply connected in the conversation with his lover and of course I immediately spun and exited the restaurant. No glances, no introductions, just my gut reaction was to leave.

 

I know it was a coincidence, but it was unnerving to know that he treats his girlfriend to dinner at my favorite sushi restaurant - not sure what feelings rushed over me, still processing. Its been 6 months since I moved back into the area where we once lived together and I guess I was disappointed to have had bumped into him. Not sure what sign it was, but I really do hope I don't see him again.

 

It's just frustrating - I have been alone for over 2 years despite dating - and he's lucky and handsome enough to find a new lover. I'm sure great love will be had again in the future, it's just been rough dating in my 30's and going on 33 and single just doesn't sound that awesome. I know, I'm sounding like a depressed can of sardines. It was just the most awkward thing ever to run into an ex and his girlfriend on dinner together while I was by myself. Universe, please.

[beternal]

Think he saw you?

 

I get it though. It can't have been easy. You sound like a lovely girl though so cliche as it sounds, you'll find someone nice.

 

...and you need to tell me about this sushi restaurant! - I'm always looking out for good ones!

[heartbroken84]

I hope he didn't see me and I am really not sure if he did see me. If he did, then he did a great job letting me at the sushi bar and ignoring me. My back was literally facing his side, he was awkwardly at the table behind me 2 feet away....we were like side by side but my back facing him, the positioning was odd - I did have a 10 minute semi-loud conversation with my mother about mine and my brothers joint birthday party next month. Then again, we've moved on and no contact. I mean if he was alone, I probably would have said hello. But he was with his lady so I respectfully jolted out the door which I felt what the best thing I could do to take care of me.

 

Sure, I miss him. I often hate my mental health and worry I am unable to find true love as a bipolar. It's been very hard despite my best I have my downs but have never found a partner strong or mature enough to weather the storm yet. I hope such a person exists as I know its not easy being with someone with bipolar even whilst I am medicated. I have almost accepted a life of solitude or casual encounters really...seems like most men just want to sleep with me and jolt the moment I show any insecurity or sign of emotional instability or irregularity.

[heartbroken84]

The sushi place is called shimizu in Oakland Ca. Its really yummy. If you're ever in the area PM me! Haha, rather be seen with you than alone and run into my ex.

[heartbroken84]

Having manic depression and being a good person is so hard. often overlooked, often dumped, often misunderstood. It's tough. I've been unable to keep down any long term relationship for 15 years. The only relationship I have had is with myself and with my family and best friends. I'm just hoping there is a partner that can understand my highs and lows and still loves me unconditionally - but I get its an huge challenge for someone unable to cope with the unpredictability of this condition.

[beternal]

Whether he heard you or not I think you both acted well. It would have been awkward had an introduction been made so I'd consider yourself lucky there!

 

Maybe not appropriate to say but being bipolar might not be easy and is often classified as a mental illness but try not to see it as a negative. Soooo many people in the world are boring and well, bipolar people are rarely that! I'd choose a friendly, caring, passionate person with bipolar tendencies any day over these makeup and handbag supermodels so have some confidence! - you have personality, that's 99% of your job done!

[heartbroken84]

Aw, beternal those are some of the kindest things said especially to someone with a severe mental health condition. I'm great on my good days, creative, positive, upbeat, wild in my manic days off medications when most people find me hilarious and attractive. But when I taper off medications or hate the way they make me feel and look (bloated, tired, overweight) thats when I fall into negativity and despair and with horrible self talk. I am lucky to still be alive, honestly my therapist applauds at admires the strength I have to get through each day. If I gave up on myself like every man has, I wouldn't be here so I do love myself - its just that my mood fluctuates and I have a chemical imbalance that even medications have a hard time balancing depending on circumstances.

 

I have confidence, I am fun and sweet. Its also really hard dating in the bay area - everyone is either into casual or just really superficial or poor quality so hard getting lucky again, but I'm sure it will happen sooner or later when its supposed to and I am ready. Muchos gracias for the uplifting words.

[beternal]

Just know that the medications aren't you... those changes, the negativity, bloatedness etc... those are the side-effects that get you through the day but on your own, with a partner, when things are relaxed, I bet there's a whole other amazing side to you. Try not to let the fear of what they make you interfere with your confidence and belief in yourself.

 

If you're having bad luck in the Bay area, why not look further afield? Love doesn't always come easily... sometimes you have to work for it

[Pretzel]

Hey, what happened in the restaurant sucks, and I feel for you. I think that's probably one of the toughest things you'd have to face after breaking up someone you were close to. You sound like a really strong person; and my advice really is just-- stay strong.

I also just want to assure you that there will be someone who loves you unconditionally. About 4 months ago I met someone who had bipolar. In fact, it was the second thing he told me about himself. I was with my friend in a bar, and we were two girls alone, decided to start talking to this guy who was sat by himself, we asked if he'd like to join us and he did. We were trying to guess what he was thinking sat there all by himself. He thought he was never going to see us again, so he confessed that he was reflecting on his bipolar disorder and the recent medication he started taking how he was worrying that they would dampen his personality. It was all very open. We even proceeded to ask what the worst thing he's ever done during one of his episodes, and he told us some quite extreme things from his past (pre-medication). Now, at the time, I knew NOTHING about bipolar, other than a misconception of it meaning a split personality. The things he told me admittedly scared me away at first. But we spent a good couple of hours in that bar just chatting away and it was fun. There was chemistry. So i was really quite torn. We exchanged numbers but I never called him back because of what he told me. For 3 weeks after that I wondered about him every so often. I knew we had that initial chemistry but didn't want trouble/instability in my life. In the end, I decided to put my worries aside. I researched bipolar on the internet. I actually learnt WHAT it is. And i discovered that it's a MOOD disorder rather than personality disorder. I texted him eventually and apologized for taking all those weeks to get back to him and ask if he wanted to go for a drink. I asked him more about his condition on the dates (to know what to expect somewhat), and also asked what medication he is on. I researched the medication in my own time as well. Fast-forward to now, who knows where it will end up or if it will last, but I really hope it does, I really like him and I've found him in some ways to actually be the most stable person out of anyone I've ever dated. YES the bipolar mood changes have been difficult to understand as someone totally new to it and still learning about it, but no, they are NOT a deal-breaker for me, and I can't imagine them ever being a deal-breaker. If he cheated on me or treated me badly, then sure, that would be a deal breaker. But him having ups and downs due to his condition is not something I would consider ending the relationship over. It's just a challenge in the relationship, but any relationship will have challenges sometimes. I just see it that way. You will meet someone who will eventually see it that way too. And whoever doesn't see it that way- well f*** them!

 

Beternal is totally right- you should own it, you and everything that comes with being you- be proud of it, you are not a dull ordinary person, and that is okay! And for someone out there, that is even more than okay, to someone you'll be magical no matter what you have to deal with. I do think that because there's such a stigma attached to it, you should be open about it BUT explain it to whomever didn't know about it before whom you start dating so that they don't get the wrong idea of it. For me, what was important was to see that he was a sensible person in his life - takes work seriously, is serious about building a future with a person / wants the same things roughly, and is actually taking steps to manage his condition and being responsible. This can be the case with anyone. For example, let's take a completely different issue. Someone can be in debt but if they manage it responsibly, you'd give them a chance right? On the other hand, if someone had debt but was shopping and gambling all the time still and taking no steps to reduce their debt, you wouldn't be attracted right? Of course I get that bipolar is something that is for life but the point is that if you are a responsible about it and have lots of wonderful qualities it will not stop someone from dating you and wanting to build a life with you. I hope this offers some hope. x

[ShatteredMan]

I also just want to assure you that there will be someone who loves you unconditionally. About 4 months ago I met someone who had bipolar. In fact, it was the second thing he told me about himself.

 

Completely agree. I dated someone who had some medical problems. She told me up front about them and what I could expect with them. It actually made me believe that they were trustworthy.

 

While the relationship didn't last more than 9 months, I did love her unconditionally for a while until other aspects of the relationship began to unravel it. She met a new guy and married him and now has a beautiful family, for which I am very happy for her having.