NotWhoYouThink Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I've been with my girlfriend for about a year now, we took each other's virginity, high school sweet heart status, and seem like a "perfect couple". But. I'm not feeling it anymore. We still go out on dates, and everything looks normal. But I don't feel the love anymore, even if I tell her "I love you" multiple times a day. She hasn't done anything wrong to me, and I've never wronged her. But I always have this nagging feeling of just not feeling like we should be together. I'm always looking at the clock, so that I can either go home, or take her home. I don't think we're right together but I can't find a reason why. I kiss her, but I never really... want to. I don't often feel like getting sexual with her, no matter how much she advances on me. Sometimes I do it, just to make her stop. She bought me concert tickets (expensive ones...) for christmas and I don't want to break up with her before we go to it... I feel weird about that but. I don't want to give them back to her (cuz that would just be so rude and weird to me) and I don't want to go without her. But am I just supposed to prolong it until then? I feel stuck. I don't want to make her sad... help a 19 year old boy. Link to comment
beternal Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Tale as old as time... What you're describing is *first love*... chances are there isn't a person on the forum that hasn't gone through it, or at least can't associate with it. Basically it works like this... you're both new to the idea of love, you get together, everything is magical and amazing but then reality hits and all the truths about compatibility and future commitments sink in and then doubts start to appear. She clearly likes you as she bought you a nice/expensive gift so if you break up with her, it won't be nice and it will hurt her. Questions: -When is this concert? - how far away from now... -Is there someone else *waiting* in the meantime... for you, for her, that you could be getting in the way of? -Have you looked up online about where she got the tickets and possible refund policies for them? Many people have been in your situation... realising the feelings are gone before say a partner's birthday or Christmas or an event and then wondering whether they should stick with it until after it's over because of *bad timing*. In all honesty, you're right, giving her back the tickets after dumping her is twisting the knife. Waiting until after is being an arse (sorry)... you're both young and these are valuable years to waste *killing time* until the *right time*. There's the option of making up an excuse that you can't go for whatever reason and then giving them back to her so she can get a refund/take someone else and THEN breaking up with her... That's probably the nicest out of all the options. There's also the fourth option of breaking up with her gently (which won't be easy) and saying to her that it's just a feelings thing, can't be helped... but you'd planned to go together and you'd like to break up on good terms and have this last nice thing to remember *together*. But this could go either way... she might hate you, tear them up, tell you never to talk to her... or she might spend the time from now until then trying to win you back! So maybe this isn't the best option. Link to comment
NotWhoYouThink Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 Concert is in march, I don't believe anyone else is interested in either of us, and I already checked on the refund policy... She wouldn't be able to refund them... I like your options, but it really breaks my heart to read them... because I don't want them to be options. I don't want them to sound realistic but they do! This sucks! Link to comment
NotWhoYouThink Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 Even if I don't think we're right for each other anymore? That the love has worn off...? Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Do you think you'd be able to let her know that you're no longer in love but still want to remain friends and if she's up for it, to still go to the concert together? The thing is, you really can't prolong this. This is a person feelings at stake and weighing in the two things, it really would be worse to keep on when you no longer love her, then to be honest and tell her it's not happening. Yes, the tickets will be up in the air, but it's not a huge enough reason to keep pretending to care for someone in the way you used to, but don't anymore. I think the fairest thing you can do is tell her it's not working for you but that if she's willing, you can still attend the concert as friends, and then see where the chips fall. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Sorry to hear this but it sounds pretty stale. People outgrow each other and that's often the case with hs sweethearts. It would be best to not string her along. Be kind and diplomatic but let her know it's not working. As for the tickets, return them to her when you break up so she can take a friend. It would be selfish to take her just to keep them. If the minutes with her seem like hours, it's time to part ways and set each other free. I don't feel the love anymore. I'm always looking at the clock, so that I can either go home, or take her home. ] Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Augustus, please be aware that not everyone on this forum is going to have the same opinion and that's a good thing, it's good to get more than one perspective. But it is not a competition and it's also not fair to criticise other's opinions, or advice. Thanks. Link to comment
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