Am in the wrong?

[nman90]

Hey, guys. Before I post the story I guess what I'm looking for is: am I in the wrong? Do you think we can get back together? Any other insite in useful too. Thanks

 

Okay, so we started dating about a year ago now. We were friends for a

few months before hand and her ex had cheated on her and she knew I

had a thing for her and she wanted to work on a relationship with me.

 

It lasted about 6 weeks or so. She broke up with me when an ex came

back in her life who she was still in love with. She told me it

was because I "grabbed her ass."

 

We had stopped talking for about 2-3 months after that point. But

we became friends again around May, and she had another BF. After

he had hurt her (ignored her while he was trying to get with his

ex-wife) she told me she was in love with me and wanted to be

with me. And I took the deal because even though she wronged me,

I forgave her and still loved her.

 

This then started a cycle for months where it seemed like we would

be together for 2 weeks then broken up for two weeks. She would literally

ignore me or give me vague answers to everything (Idk/maybe), etc. This

literally went on from August to like November. My friends all told me

I was just someone she kept around when she was bored/lonely. She used

to tell me she wanted to get married to me, have kids with me, live with

me, etc. And I used to spend money on her, a lot.

 

 

Finally around election day I asked her if she cared that I was a virgin.

She got really mad and said she was insulted that I would think she would

be so shallow. She then told me she "had a hard time ever seeing us having

it [sex]". And when I tried talking to her about it she ignored me. To, me,

it seemed like the relationship was dead for good. Who the would want

a long term with someone they can't see having sex with.

 

So, the week after thanksgiving I finally lost my V to some girl on Tinder.

Not 2 weeks later she starts talking to me again. Around the first week

of December or so? Things are going okay, she ignored me around xmas

for a few days and then said "Sorry, I just got all your texts". The day

after Xmas I told her about the Tinder girl, and she flipped her .

 

She called me pathetic, and that I was just bulling her all these

months just like every other guy shes been with. She told me she coulnd't

be with me anymore, and that I broke her heart. She said yes some of the

blame is on her, but the fact that I waited to so long to tell her, and

hid it from her, was the worst part.

 

But she was still chatty with me for a week or so, and I asked her if

I hurt you so bad, why do you still talk to me? Every other guy that

I've known you to be with you cut them off cold turkey when they hurt

you and she said it was because "im still her friend". I thought that

was pretty odd.

 

About a week ago I see she got tagged in a relationship post, and because

she wants to stay friends I sent her a congrats text (which was sincere).

The next day I got a long aggressive text telling me to get over her, to

be happy for her, and that she can only see us being friends. I haven't

spoken to her since.

[SherrySher]

This is her fault if things went just as you described.

She used you just as your friends said, and kept you around as an option but tossed you whenever someone (in her mind) came along that was better. She gave you vague answers and wasn't being fair on telling you what she wanted one way or the other.

Then she told you straight out that she couldn't see herself having sex with you, anyone in your position would have taken that as you and her would never have sex. not sure that losing your virginity to just anyone on Tinder was the best choice, but apart from that, it's up to you.

As for not telling her, why would you? You weren't a couple and she told you sex was off the table.

And lastly, she sends you an aggressive text...whats wrong with this girl? Seriously?

She sounds like a user and very arrogant, selfish and just an all around jerk.

[nman90]

Thanks for your response, SherrySher.

 

I told her because I felt like if she's under the pretence that I'm a virgin, that if I wasn't anymore, she should know. I've always been real honest with her.

 

When we spoke a few weekends back, she kind of back peddled and said she meant that she couldn't see us having sex "at the time, because we both lived at home, hard for her to find a sitter". All of which are valid points, but that wasn't the context of which she said it at the time. It was what I had quoted.

[Viceroy]

Wow, I don't think you're in the wrong at all. Seems to me that she definitely wasn't interested in pursuing any kind of sexual relationship with you, but would get offended if you pursued one with someone else. She sounds incredibly selfish, and illogical.

 

You're best bet would be to completely break and entertain no contact whatsoever with her. She's only going to bring you a lot of trouble and confusion. In the meantime, go have fun!

[MissCanuck]

She's been using you, OP. For attention, validation, and ego-stroke.

 

You need to let her go, for good. She wasn't with you for the right reasons at all.

[catfeeder]

The thing you did wrong was to continue messing with the wrong girl.

 

I'd skip that.

[nman90]

Thank you everyone for your input.

 

I guess what I still don't understand is, if I truly hurt her as much as I did, why does she still want to be my friend? She told me it was because we were friends before we dated, which we were, but she really gave it to me hard when I told her. So, idk.

[Wiseman2]

With all the hot/cold, on/off nonsense, it's not worth being in the friendzone, is it? Plus she's busy jumping from relationship to relationship, who needs to see this on social media? Go no contact and delete and block her from all social media.

I guess what I still don't understand is, if I truly hurt her as much as I did, why does she still want to be my friend?

[catfeeder]

Thank you everyone for your input.

 

I guess what I still don't understand is, if I truly hurt her as much as I did, why does she still want to be my friend? She told me it was because we were friends before we dated, which we were, but she really gave it to me hard when I told her. So, idk.

 

Drama. Skip that.

[Frenchy37]

Hi nman90. First sorry this happened to you friend. Unfortunately this happens to the best of us.

 

Although I'm curious about your age, in the end it wouldn't change my response much. As SherrySher mentioned, this girl used you as an emotional doormat. Bravo to you though for being strong and not losing your head with the back and forth. Now what to take away from this? Simple. In the future when this happens again (if it happens again) remember this time, this moment and learn to not get sucked into it again.

 

From my personal experience it happened once, severe enough that I made sure if I ever saw those signs again, I'd run the other way.

 

Her aggressive message after you congratulated her actually is a red flag here, she may try to come back and use you again. That response was a panic response, she saw your comment and realized she might be losing her "parachute" so she got really emotional and through a fit. Many immature women do this, throw temper tantrums (men as well).

 

So, move on for good. I'd hide her Facebook from your feed, out of sight, out of mind. And if does come back, be strong and assertive.

 

All the best !

[nman90]

Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

 

I was told that I will probably get a text from her again if/when this relatioship ends. Probably along the lines of "I was way too hard on you, etc".

 

Think that is the case?

 

 

 

I guess I do miss her, despite everything. I guess I just wish she would have been a bit more understanding. I treated her like a queen when we were together and she kind of just tossed that

all out the door and said I was bullting the whole time. That just really hurt, you know? Idk.

[Wiseman2]

What did she mean by that?

said I was bullting the whole time.

[nman90]

Filter took out the naughty word.

 

She said pretty much all the times I told her I loved her, wanted to marry her, being soul mates etc was just me feeding her lies because if I truly loved her I wouldn't have waited to tell her about the girl and I'm just like her other exes who hid and hurt her.

 

Her exes, btw: one physically abused her, one lied about his marriage while he slept with her and her friend on the side at the same time, and one who ignored her for weeks while trying to get back with his ex.

 

Yeah, I get that I should have told her sooner if I was going to tell her. But I think she was way to hard on me on this. She literally wouldn't have known unless I told her, so I don't see how that was "hiding it" from her, you know? She knew my virginity was a big insecurity to me (I'm 26M/shes 22F fwiw). I just thought she would have been more understanding, especially after what she told me about having a hard time seeing us having sex.

[Wiseman2]

She sounds too damaged to date no less be in a relationship and is unleashing her unresolved wrath from her past on you like an easy target scapegoat.

Her exes, btw: one physically abused her, one lied about his marriage while he slept with her and her friend on the side at the same time, and one who ignored her for weeks while trying to get back with his ex.