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I can't fall in love anymore


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I'm 21 years old, woman, and I feel like I can't fall in love anymore.


I fell in love twice in the past. I had my first boyfriend at ages 15-16 and I really really liked him (but we grew apart and I'm OK with it). The second one I had at ages 17-18 and I was completely in love with him. But we broke up too, in a not very friendly way. I don't care about this anymore, but the problem is that since that day (3 years ago) I haven't felt anything for anyone.


I read a lot about people who are afraid of being heartbroken again. But that's not what happens to me. I'd rather feel anything than feel nothing at all.


I'd like to stop getting bored of people. I go on first dates and I never want to go to second dates, and it annoys me. I kiss someone, I enjoy it, but, on the next day, I just want the person to disappear. I'm always running away from people who are into me; I always think my exes were so much cooler than the guys I'm dating (even though there's no way I'd go back together with them).


Does anyone ever felt like this or know what I could do to change it?


(Sorry for my bad English, it's not my native language).

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I feel like this too, I was with my ex for 4 years a very voltile and toxic relationship, I ended things because things didn't work out in the end I was so in love but I just couldn't do it anymore


I'm now in a new relationship trying and desperately trying to feel some sort of feelings but I can't it's so frustrating I feel like when you meet the one that's when you will feel that again, have you ever seen the movie "The holiday?"


Cameron diaz reminds me of (us!) in this situation haha. She dates loads of guys and she can't cry when she breaks up with them, and then she meets the one and she has to leave England and then she cries after years of not crying that's how she knew.



Sorry I know that film obviously isn't real but I feel that gives me some sort of sense of comfort knowing when I meet the right person I will know and the feelings will be there no matter how long it takes it will happen.

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I've been there, I may possibly still be there.


Once you grow up and realize love isn't what you'd imagine, and you become jaded to the process, is an extreme eye opener.


Perhaps being spontaneous with daily activities, and trying something new may help you.


Perhaps you're sick of the old routine and same old guys, which is understandable at your age, and you need to find excitement somewhere else.



Ask yourself what you like/don't like about the guys you get bored of. Are you that interested in them to begin with? Are you going out with them just because?



Personally it takes me years to find a new partner, and that's because i'm the same way. Every so often though, someone will come along that just kicks those butterflies back into your stomach.


Be patient, have fun, don't settle for something that doesn't drive you bat crazy with feelings.

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Pollyandrews, thank you for this answer!! It helped at lot knowing I'm not the only one!

I never watched this movie, but I'll definitely watch it! Even if it's not real, they made a movie about it, which means this situation is more common that I thought! Thank you so much! 😊

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gebaird, thank you for your answer! I don't think it's depression (I'm on med school, so a know a few things about depression), because someone who have this disease loses interest in everything. And my social life is great, my relationships with friends and family are going pretty well, I love my college. I think only my love life isn't going so well. But thank you, anyway!

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mike7788, thank you so much for you answer!! 😊 What you said made me think a lot, because the answer is no, I'm not that interested in most of them! I just want to "give more chances", and end up going on dates just because the guy seems to be a nice and attractive guy. And maybe I should stop doing this.

Seriously, I loved what you answered! Every part of it made me think a lot, and I'll take the advice! Thank you soo much!!!

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Maybe what you felt before wasn't love? I know the love I feel in my late 20s was nothing like the love I felt/thought I felt in my early years.

Go out, have fun, see the world, get a education, enjoy life. The rest will take care of itself

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With maturity comes discretion. Lean into it and appreciate it. You're not looking for a schoolgirl crush, you've outgrown that. Most people are NOT our match. That's just odds. So when you meet someone who doesn't resonate with you, you're not obligated to identify anything 'wrong' with him in order to move on and find the next person to date.


Love is rare. It's supposed to be rare, or what would be so special about it? Hold out for the RIGHT match, and allow wrong matches to pass early--there will be many.

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