What am I suppose to do?!

[bosslady973]

Hey everyone,

 

I have posted on here a few times about me being a step mom and a situation I had with that and my husband, but here I am again with another situation with my husband and his 1st born, my step son. This week at school, we received a message from my step sons teacher about him having a rough week at school. He's still having problems with talking in class,being disruptive and not staying in his seat and was caught Friday cheating on a test from a classmate. I called my husband and asked if he saw the message and he stated when he got home, we would have a family meeting and get it handled. He came home and went straight to sleep. Today, he said he was going to do it this morning, nothing still. My husband talked to his mom, step sons grandmother about it. Later that night, I guess she thought he already spoke to him about it and called step son to speak to him. Step son speaks to grandmother like she's his friend. He told her she was hurting his feelings and he didn't want to talk about it anymore! Still nothing was said. I confronted husband and asked how is she talking to him before he did when he was suppose to already handled it? He stated it was his fault and that he been was suppose to do it but didn't and that he was going to do it now. 4 hours later, still nothing. Now everyone is in bed. I am frustrated because my first born is 5 and he's always being fussed at and disciplined by husband but my step son, he does nothing and he's about to be 9. He treats him like he's his best friend and not his child. He gets away with a lot and my son is chastised for everything. I'm tired of my opinions not being accounted for and we are suppose to be a family. I can not deal with my son being treated differently and being handled worse than the oldest. I treat my step son like he's my own! But I can only do so much if his father won't do anything. I am ready to leave because I have talked to my husband so much about these issues and others so much I get a sore throat just thinking about having to talk to him about things like this. If it didn't change then, I feel it won't change ever. I've tried therapy but it was only me going. He said he didn't have any problems, he didn't need to go. What should I do? Thank you all for the positive feedback!

[gebaird]

There seem to be much deeper issues here than just challenges at school. I think it's perfectly fine for you to go to counseling by yourself. It will help you understand your environment and make decisions about how to respond. You can't change your husband, but you can decide what you are and aren't willing to put up with.

[rosephase]

This doesn't seem to have much to do with your stepson... it sounds like it has a lot more to do with how you feel your son is treated. How would you like your son to be treated by is father? Have you explained that to your husband? What changes would you like to see?

[Hollyj]

I strong suggest you reread all of your threads.

 

It has only been six months, and things are getting worse.

[bosslady973]

I strong suggest you reread all of your threads.

 

It has only been six months, and things are getting worse.

 

I know! Before I decide to walk away, I just want to get some advice so I'm reassured I did what I could to make things work. Thank you for your response.

[jennylove]

Please visit the forums at steptalk.org and post your questions/concerns about stepchildren or their father or mother over there. You will get some excellent advice!!!

[Wiseman2]

Try to stay out of it. It's your husband's and the mother's responsibility to handle this. Also your husband's son can talk to any family member he wants any time he wants. Trying to control or micromanage all this will only stress you out.

 

Don't let your husband over-discipline you kids, take care of all that yourself. If your husband and the boy's mother choose to be hands-off, lenient parents that's their right and there choice, no matter what your parenting style is.

My husband talked to his mom, step sons grandmother about it. Later that night, I guess she thought he already spoke to him about it and called step son to speak to him. Step son speaks to grandmother like she's his friend. He told her she was hurting his feelings and he didn't want to talk about it anymore.