loveyourself91 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Currently only a week and a day no contact and it's so hard. But I'm no contact from an emotionally unavailable man/player/ someone who does NOT want commitment. Sometimes I feel like the only way to feel better is to talk to him. I know if I go back nothing will ever change Link to comment
Tinkyonks Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 its a drug and you need a fix, you can go no contact detox, or you can go back for the drug some more times, feel bad and then start back to trying to detox. remember these are your rules, people can tell you what to do but at the end of the day its not worth the battle with yourself. im rubbish at no contact straight away, i usually have to continue being a mad crazy woman and getting everything out of my system... then delete his number so i stop being a mad crazy woman, then busy myself with other things and after a couple of weeks its usually not on my mind any more. no contact straight away is far more dignified lol but i am what i am lol Link to comment
coolgirl Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I know how you feel because I was going through the same thing myself. The first couple of weeks was the hardest of all going through combat of emotions. It took me at least 3 months to get him completely out of my system and life. Nothing good will come out of you sticking to something or someone that does not want to fully commit to you. Why, do you want to torture yourself like that. Put your energy into someone that does want to commit to you. How long were y'all together ? Erase his number, block him in every way possible because that's what I did. You have the upper hand here so don't let them have power over you or your life. It's been 6 months for me i feel better not talking to that idiot. Hope this helps ! Link to comment
loveyourself91 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 You gave me a lot of hope. It was off and on for a year and a half. Funny thing is when I last spoke to him which was an argument, I expressed how I deserve more, I felt he contributed to my low self esteem and he completely flipped it on me and made it seem like I was the one treating HIM bad Link to comment
Tinkyonks Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 yep, thats good... so when you did contact him he turned things around and made you feel bad. keep hold of that feeling and remind yourself of it when you want a 'fix'. the fix comes at a price...your self esteem. Link to comment
Tinkyonks Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 i was reading something recently about unavailable men... it said they always like to keep things at 5, so when you back off they come with their nice things to bring you back to 5... when you get too close and it starts to raise to 8-10 they insult you, withdraw, to bring you back to 5. i tried this out and it is soooo true and really quite revealing when you see how insecure they really are... then they have no more power. its all about them keeping it at 5... by you withdrawing it will go down to zero... so chances are he may seek out someone else to bring him back to 5, because actually thats how he functions, a constant see saw... exhausting. Link to comment
loveyourself91 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 That is extremely true !!!!!! Throughout our year and a half every time I withdrew and was back at 0 he would say whatever to bring me back to 5. If things got too strong and I was at a 8-10 he would either say mean things or just not call me for days. Weird. Overall it was an emotionally exhausting situation. I even got with someone else in that time thinking it would help me get over him. That was a bad idea. Now I'm focusing on fixing my own self esteem and not interested in dating until I am better. Link to comment
coolgirl Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I know what your talking about. He was off / on with me too. I even got the silent treatment for 2 months and came back as if nothing ever happened. I was talking to him for a year too during that year course something was off for me too. We had poor communication. Worst of all even when I recognized something was off with him i would tell him what's bothering me he would brush it off like he didn't care. Making it look like I'm the one with the problem not him. You know why. Ego ! Thats whats important to them. They don't want to take any form of responsibility what so ever they don't care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. Don't waste your time at all on who ever this person is. Plain and simple cut your losses with him. Just be happy your out of that relationship. Other than that he would had made you miserable. Hang with friends, family, do things you enjoy. Don't shed one tear for this person. Hopefully in time someone better will come along. Mind I tell you this man I was talking too is 48 year old man. Lol QUOTE=loveyourself91;6734152]You gave me a lot of hope. It was off and on for a year and a half. Funny thing is when I last spoke to him which was an argument, I expressed how I deserve more, I felt he contributed to my low self esteem and he completely flipped it on me and made it seem like I was the one treating HIM bad Link to comment
loveyourself91 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 Another thing that makes it difficult to move on is because I feel he will treat someone else better and give them what I wanted. I know it's kind of pathetic to even care but it's just an uncomfortable feeling I get. He's 32 and I'm 25. I swore since he was older he would be mature ... boy was I wrong. He acts 18. Link to comment
coolgirl Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 There is someone better out there for you. Someone that can give you everything you always wanted. I see it as if it's not meant to be its not. Just work on bettering yourself. I'm 36 he's 48 I thought he was mature for his age you would expect a grown man to act his age instead your dealing with a man-child. QUOTE=loveyourself91;6734166]Another thing that makes it difficult to move on is because I feel he will treat someone else better and give them what I wanted. I know it's kind of pathetic to even care but it's just an uncomfortable feeling I get. He's 32 and I'm 25. I swore since he was older he would be mature ... boy was I wrong. He acts 18. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Excellent you ended it and went no contact, delete and block. At least now all these red flags and deal breakers will sound an alarm bell much sooner so you can run. Since this sounds more like fwb/hookups, maybe it's time to get a nice profile and pics up on some dating apps and start meeting some guys for coffee, taking things slow developing the relationship you want first.I was involved with this emotionally unavailable man/player for well over a year. I finally cut him off on New Years Day. The sexual part completely lacked real intimacy. No dates. Link to comment
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