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My Girlfriend Of 2.5 Yrs Broke Up With My Out Of The Blue On New Years Day Sayin


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My girlfriend (26) and me (36) split up on New Years day. For me it seemed like it came out of the blue, a number of times in the previous months though we had had some conversations about my "no stop button" boozing when we went out on our friday nights out. She's not a big drinker but drinks, when i drink i tend to go for it and it means sometimes i'm fidgety during the night (i get up, want to smoke etc), she said this was the blame of our break up - i admit it had been more than a couple of occasions, i of course did the whole "i'm gona change etc thing" then the whole "give me just one more change" the begging the crying the presents all the things she basically didn't want to hear. she is stubborn by nature so said don't expect my decision to change. another thing to take into account is we have pets - two sugar gliders and we live(d) together - and her other reasoning was that if i couldn't take of these two creatures how would i be with kids etc etc - i see her point - so i accepted the situation - she then proceeded the next day to sign up to a dating site and with in another week had been on a date and the screwed the guy by the weekend - presumably rebound - i found it she said she didn't want to be reattached and was basically just having fun. i let her initiate texts and we have to speak due to the pets - though we are rehoming them. the other day i told her i wanted my keys back and the remainder of her stuff out the flat (2 weeks later she still had bits), i did ask her about dates/sleeping with others etc as initially (stupidly) i said lets not date other people just yet (but she did) then she started to lie about it (first time she'd lied to me) she was loyal in the relationship but it surprised me that she chose the rebound route.. made me feel like i dated a slapper (though i did bed her the first night we met). Now I've accepted all these bits it's helped me to move on too (I just need the confirmation). I can forgive and forget the sleeping with someone else bit to a degree, as I do think "if only I hadn't ruined xmas day but being so drunk/hungover" then we wouldn't have been in this situation (she said this herself).

what I want to know is a/ should i NC and wait for the negative emotions to subside - they're clearly still there as she realises i'm moving on

b/ keep in LC (we work near each other and i bump into her at least 1/week)


I do want her back unless she **** around a lot more cos then she's damaged goods in my eyes. I of course will also be dating/sleeping with others in the meanwhile.

I do want her back and I think a reset is necessary for this to happen. I've read practically every single post on her... her main reason for the split was she didn't believe I could change. It actually took this kick up the **** to change me or rather re-align my life balance which was heading to far one way.

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Your own life is chaotic and it doesnt feel that way to you, but it does feel chaotic when you see someone living in a similar manner.


Be the person you want to date. As you are today, expect to date someone who has sex when she feels like it, and parties with her friends when she feels like it, and has a mercurial personality. If you don't want that, you will have to change your own way of thinking/living.

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How long were you dating? It may be best to get your keys back, get her stuff out then go no contact and delete and block her.


She's out dating and there's no point hearing about all that. It's run it's course due to drinking. Once someone ends it and moves out it doesn't go backwards.


If drinking is causing problems you don't want check out some alcohol support groups. had had some conversations about my "no stop button" boozing, when i drink i tend to go for it and she said this was the blame of our break up. i of course did the whole "i'm gona change etc thing" then the whole "give me just one more change" and we live(d) together - i told her i wanted my keys back and the remainder of her stuff out the flat

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Not sure how this is out of the blue. You have a drinking problem, she has told you before that it's a deal breaking situation. You have told her you'll fix it. You didn't, got wasted again and ruined the night yet again, she dumped you for good. Where is the surprise in this outcome????


What someone does after breaking up with you is absolutely none of your business or concern any more. In fact, trying to track what they are doing is really unhealthy for you.


Quit thinking about what she is doing and focus on cleaning up your own act. You are not going to find too many women willing to put up with a sloppy drunk every weekend. That gets real old real fast. Even friends get tired of dealing with that kind of garbage. Your "fun" ruins everyone's else's night out.

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Pretty sure there's nothing you can do at this stage of the game to get her back... you're 36 and still boozing to the point where it destroyed your relationship with her AND her trust that you'd stop it. If she had multiple talks with you and you still didn't change and/or work on yourself, she won't believe you now.


Also, c'mon, have a little more respect for her. She's only 26 and was loyal to you for 2.5 years. Now that she's moving on quickly (due to your own issues that she attempted to fix with you) you're about to consider her damaged goods?! She seems more mature than you.

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Omg you don't need to be dating or sleeping with ANYONE. And leave this poor girl alone. Go to AA and maybe some counseling as well.


Damaged goods!? Seriously!? I'll probably get reprimanded by admins for this but f*ck you. Grow up and learn how to respect women.

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Just like you wouldn't take her back if she's damaged goods in your eyes, she likely won't take you back because your alcoholism makes you damaged goods in her eyes.


Your drinking and bad behavior while drunk will continue to be a problem in any relationship you have in the future. And these problems tend to get worse with age unless you deal with them now. This isn't about getting back with this girl, because even if that happens, you're still going to have to work on your drinking.

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