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Am I Being Body Shamed by my boyfriend?


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Let me just start by saying I am a pretty tiny person. I would say I'm "model-skinny" so to speak, but I don't starve myself by any means. I am vegetarian, I eat when I feel the need to, I do strength training, and not much cardio. I have an ass and boobs so it's not like I have zero body fat.


I've been in a relationship for almost a year now. It's okay for the most part, but he makes the occasional comment about my weight.

He's said how I "should get big thighs" because he "likes big thighs." Then goes on to say "I mean, I like you the way you are, but..." and its that "but" at the ends that makes me wonder what hes really thinking. He occasionally points out how skinny I am to his family, such as "Look! Look how skinny she is!"


Whenever I tell him I'm eating dinner or something food related his response is "OOooo are you gaining weight for me? I want you to get fat." and other things of that nature.


Recently i pointed out to him that telling someone to change their physical appearance or weight isn't okay, and asked him: 'if you were dating a larger woman, would you tell her she needed to drop a few pounds?' and his response to this was 'No, because if she had weight on her I'd just be able to squeeze/grab her as is'


There are many times when he tells me how sexy, and beautiful I am. And then other times when hes telling me I need to gain weight. It's so confusing!


At first I was fine with it because I figured he was just joking, and I'm a pretty confident person so usually stuff like that doesn't get to me. I am not sure if this is an abusive behavior or not? Tbh I feel my self esteem going down, and I think maybe it's because I'm not doing anything more to stop this behavior, or maybe his words really are affecting me more than I realize. This has happened on many more occasions than I have mentioned here. I have never told him to change anything about himself. I've always told him he is perfect the way he is.


Maybe he is insecure about himself and so hes trying to bring me down with him? Maybe he is just joking? I have no idea and I am so confused!


Any help is much appreciated, thank you so much for reading!


P.S. - he also frequently points out other women although hasnt been doing it AS much as of late after i told him to please stop. When we're out he points out if another girl has nice hair, legs, body. He's even shown me a picture of a girls booty in a bikini telling me to "look, look at that. Thats so friggin sexy". I understand men are always gonna find other women attractive and I have no problem with that. I would even point out cute girls too, but I feel like he just went waaay overboard saying these things all the time.


Also, we are both 20 years old

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I don't know about abusive but he's definitely disrespectful. Also it seems like he's more into bigger women.


I wouldn't continue the relationship any more. If he doesn't like you as you are now, he's not the guy for you (and vice versa).


Also it's never good when you feel like someone you're in a relationship with is actually wearing on your self esteem. So, time to put that to an end.

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He is telling you that he likes women with some more meat on her, so to speak. He is not body shaming you - he is just saying that larger women turn him on. Maybe he is not the one for you. I went out with a guy who really was attracted to women with short hair and told me that I would look really attractive with short hair and that I should try it. Unfortunately, he has a preference that you can't change.


I would either dump him or I would tell him how it makes you feel - that if he likes plus sized women that you will never be that, and it makes you feel badly and find out if he even realizes that as well.

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Yes. Just because someone's skinny doesn't mean they can't be body shamed.


It also sounds like he's got a fetish for big women and thought he'd get with you and then get you fat. Instead of doing the reasonable thing and finding someone who was his prefered weight/shape in the first place.


He sounds very immature and disrespectful.


And if you say you feel your self-esteem going down, that's a sign he's not the right guy for you.

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I don't think you even need another opinion to just echo the unanimous here, but yes, he IS body shaming you, and he needs to be put in his place asap.


There should never be a suggestion that a woman get a different body than the healthy one she has in a relationship, ever. He chose to date you for a reason. He is NOT allowed to make suggestions of how you should improve your body just because he is your boyfriend. It isn't the right response, but if my boyfriend was ever like "You should get bigger thighs. I like girls with big thighs." I would be tempted to respond "Wow, thanks for the advice. Hey while we're on the subject, you should get a bigger *bleep*. I like guys with bigger *Bleeps*." Feels great, right?!!?


But don't do that, haha. This subject angers me because I had an ex who would also "brag" to his friends and family about how skinny I was and would pretty constantly comment on my body, which could be flattering, until one morning when he told me one of his deal breakers was when women gain weight after they're married just because they finally "got the man to commit and didn't have to stay skinny anymore." I knew that I would spend the rest of my life trying to stay skinny for him if we ever got married.


The only time I think a significant other is allowed to make a "suggestion" about their partner's weight is if they are treating themselves very badly, such as starving themselves to lose weight or clearly exhibiting signs of eating disorders, or on the flip side, if someone is becoming morbidly obese and at risk for life-threatening illness and conditions.

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This really isn't a relationship you need to stay in .... and as you are slamming the door in his face , I would be saying * is there anything that can make your d1ck bigger*


Haha... I didn't read this before saying almost the same thing in my comment pippy hahaha. Guess we're all on the same page here!

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Next time he says those things to you, tell him that it appears he is in a relationship with the wrong person and if he wants to date a bigger woman, by all means he can get out the door and find himself a bigger woman (and don't let the door hit him on his way out).

What a jerk...don't ever put up with this kind of nonsense again!

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When what the guy is doing and saying to you is starting to wear down on your well being and self esteem, it's time to exit the relationship and seek a better match immediately. Like today, right now.


I'd skip "talking" to him and just drop him with a simple "sorry, it's not you it's me, things just aren't working out, you deserve so much better, buh bye......oh...lose my number please..k thanks bye." That's it. No conversations, no lecturing about how he shouldn't say those things to you. Trust me he knows but chooses to do it anyway and you aren't going to teach him different. So don't waste your breath, don't try to play mommy, just walk away.

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Sorry to hear this. He sounds like a moron. It's astounding you put up with this immaturity, rudeness and disrespect. said how I "should get big thighs" because he "likes big thighs." Then goes on to say "I mean, I like you the way you are, but..." his response is "OOooo are you gaining weight for me? I want you to get fat." When we're out he points out if another girl has nice hair, legs, body. He's even shown me a picture of a girls booty in a bikini telling me to "look, look at that. Thats so friggin sexy".

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Oh.. you should totally stay with him.. forget what others are saying.. the sex is good, he cares for your looks and I think you should put on a few more pounds because he wants you to fill out a D cup. Why on Earth wont you do this for him. And oh, he clearly makes you happy. Stay with him because he will always keep you guessing about how you feel and look and I know you love it. And how dare you not eat a lot for him.. if he wants big thighs then get big thighs...


Do this for him before he goes out and finds another girl in a few months and leaves you.

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Total body shaming BS *(&(*&(


Next time he comments about your body look him in the eye and say, "Well, when you figure out how to make your (expletive) bigger and your eyes as piercingly blue as those of James Marsden then I'll see about that weight gain you keep telling me about. And just as a reminder, someone else might like me just fine the way I am. Keep that in mind too, sweet cheeks." Then pat him condescendingly on the chin, tell him he's soooo cute when he's flabbergasted then head out the door with friends. And don't come home for a couple of days, let him sweat it.


Okay, no. That was me being sarcastic and wishing I'd done that when I was body shamed both for being not big enough and too big by two different men at different periods of my life. So yeah I guess I'm projecting a bit here.


Just tell him next time, "I've had it, we're done," then break things off and go get a new boyfriend. This isn't about his body preferences, because if they were that serious he'd never have started something with you in the first place. This is about control and deliberately knocking your self-esteem down to keep you under his thumb.


That's what that little deliberately upsetting/shaming your partner for who they are and those weird little carping criticisms that don't make sense is about. And the best way to deal with such people is to dump them out of your life, because it's just a slow poison that eats away at you until there's nothing left.

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