Jump to content

Am I overreacting or do we have a problem?


Recommended Posts

Our first dry spell lasted an entire month. It was the second month we were together. I had gotten my period and he didn't want to be intimate then. I understood and didn't push the subject, but even after my period stopped, he still wasn't trying to be intimate with me. He had a very aloof attitude towards sex, like if he didn't need/want it at all. Like if it was just as simple as saying "no" to being offered a glass of water. I would try to initiate sex but he would never take it all the way. He would always just kiss me a few times then get up and act busy or just seem not sexually aroused at all, even if I reached into his pants, he would just make a joke out of it and keep watching TV.


About a week after our month long dry spell, we had planned a getaway at this super fancy hotel in Austin. I had told him over and over that I wanted to be intimate with him, and that I especially wanted to have sex while we were on our first trip together. We get to the hotel late at night, he drinks a few too many beers and passes out cold while I'm in the shower. No sex at all. The next morning when we both got up, I tried making out with him and he started taking his pants off and initiated oral sex, but as soon as it went from oral sex to me wanting to have intercourse, he completely stopped it and said, "we have to get going, checkout time is soon", even though we had an entire hour before checkout time I was FURIOUS. I got up, told him he could carry all of our stuff downstairs, and waited for him in the car outside. I didn't say one word to him for the rest of the day. I just could not understand how two healthy people who are attracted to each other weren't having sex. I couldn't understand why he didn't want me.


About a week after the trip, he had gotten in trouble with the law and ended up spending two months in jail for a petty crime that he committed before we got together. While he was in jail, we spoke all the time and he would write me letters, telling me how sorry he was that he wasn't as intimate with me as he could have been. He constantly said that he wanted to have sex all of the time when he got out and that he was just in a weird place before but that he realized how stupid he was being and wanted to change. I believed him and decided to stay committed to him. As soon as he got home, things did change. We were having sex twice a day everyday and it was great. But it only lasted for four days. The fifth day, I noticed he just wasn't as touchy feely as he had been. I knew instantly that we were coming up on another dry spell, and I was right. Five whole days went by with no sex, then I got my period. So it's been two weeks now with no intimacy whatsoever. We cuddle and he kisses me, but nothing beyond that.


I don't know what else to do. I always try to initiate sex but if he's not in the mood (99% of the time), then we just won't. It's exhausting. I want it ALL of the time. I could literally have sex 3 times a day, easily. Before this relationship, I was masturbating every single day, sometimes twice a day. Now I don't have any sexual pleasure at all and it's really starting to depress me and make me bitter. I will be in random bad moods all of the time because I'm so sexually frustrated and I know there's no point in even trying with him or arguing with him about it. Even right now, we're laying in bed, he's playing a game on his cell phone while I'm typing this. I want to crawl on top of him so bad. I'm ready to go right now, but I can't do anything and it feels horrible.


I don't want to leave him, because believe it or not, he's exactly what I've been looking for for a long time. Besides the no sex thing, he's a total prince charming. The kind of guy who won't let me open doors or even pump my own gas when we're in my car. He treats me so well and is great with my family. Everybody loves him, he's the first guy to jump up if anybody needs anything and he is very supportive of me in every other aspect of my life. I feel like I'd be making a big mistake if I were to leave him just because he's not as interested in sex as I am. At the same time, however, the no intimacy thing is really starting to wear on me. I keep telling him that I need more from him, and I have even told him that if I'm on my period, we don't have to have sex but I still want to pleasure him. I just don't know what else I could say/do. He just doesn't care about sex the way I do. I feel trapped.

Link to comment

WOW! I can't believe this guy, he's got what a lot of men wish they had, a woman who was very interested into sex. I am completely baffled by his behavior, I've got no idea why he is acting this way. The potential problem I see is that if this continues, it will open the door to you cheating, and it will be because of him.


How old is he? Do you know his medical history? The fact that he was comfortable enough for you to give him oral, and then call it a day, sounds like he is being a bit selfish. This relationship may have to conclude, because the sexual compatibility between both of you is way off.

Link to comment

Speaking as someone that has a very *horny* girlfriend, I can kind of relate in a way.


I know it goes both ways... I have nympho female friends and ones that couldn't care less... same with guys. Often it's down to simple things like insecurities and stress etc but I think it's more of a libido thing as you mentioned. It could be a laziness thing too! Sex is hard work for men... it takes a lot of self control and concentration to not *pop* immediately or to not get bored of things and for *it* not to lose interest. I think *arousal* is very mental for women but *excitement* is more mental for men and maybe that's what's hindering the process.


Honestly, I think that's what it might be... Is he very active or is he more of a couch potato playing games etc? When you get into a bit of a lull, it's hard to get the motivation going and to just be ready when called upon.


Ever watch porn with him? Does he have interests that maybe you don't know about that you can exploit? Could even try just playing in front of him... Guys have to build up to being ready just as girls do so reaching into his pants might have the opposite effect that you desire.

Link to comment

Ever watch porn with him? Guys have to build up to being ready just as girls do so reaching into his pants might have the opposite effect that you desire.


We don't watch porn together but I wouldn't mind trying it. In the beginning of our relationship, I'd catch him watching porn quite often and I thought it was funny & cute. Him watching porn never made me insecure until I discovered that he watches it more often than he touches me. At the very least he will watch it every other day. I despise that he watches porn now. I don't get why he can't just reach over and grab me if he's feeling horny. The fact that his porn gets more of his sexual attention than I do kind of breaks my heart. But I've caught him watching porn just to watch it, like a movie. He says he doesn't need to get off to it, he just enjoys watching it. ????????


Btw, he's not a couch potato. We're both a pretty active couple. We go to the gym together at least 4 times a week. When we can't go, he works out at home.


Thanks for the reply

Link to comment
the sexual compatibility between both of you is way off.


I knew after a few weeks of dating him that we weren't sexually compatible. But every time I brought it up, he always sweet talked me so I just stayed. "I'm sorry, you're totally right. Please give me a chance to show you that we are compatible in that way." I feel bad because he's a good guy, he just doesn't care about sex like I do. I don't get it. I don't get it one freaking bit. And it's causing a huge rift between us because we both think each other is being selfish. He always ends the argument with "there's a lot more to a relationship than just sex". And he's right, but he's missing the point


Btw, he's 30 and no I don't know much about his medical history, but when he was younger (maybe 18-25) he did some pretty heavy drugs. He's been totally sober for 5 years though.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...