DunGoofed123 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Apologies for the wall of text : Last year, my ex broke up with me after two and a half years. We had issues that were made worst by living together for a the last year of the relationship. She immediately started a rebound (long distance online) but since she still lived with me for a few weeks, I managed to get more and more friendly with her, we became fwb and she dumped the guy. We started back as pure fwb but as time went on we allowed ourselves to kiss, cuddle and do basically everything like before except say we loved each other and call ourselves a couple (at my insistence). So we saw each other until Christmas this year, we were genuinely happy and she told me our relationship was better than ever. I agreed but persisted in not wanting to label it. Outside pressure kept me thinking about the future and needing to find an actual girlfriend/mother of my future children. So I strung her along while casually checking dating websites. In January, I told her I had a first date. She sounded a bit hurt. Date didn't lead to anything. Kept talking with my ex but this week I realized we hadn't seen each other since Christmas and she was talking to me much less. I proposed going over at her place and she informs me she now has a boyfriend. She says it's not like the rebound last time and that this guy is exactly like her (she said that the last time) and that her mind is clear this time since it has been a while since the break up (this to me ignores the fact that we were "together" until like 2-3 weeks ago). I believe, but not certain, that this is again a long distance in a different country. What she says is that she wants me to find the right person and it's time for me and her to move on and she doesn't want to feel like she's keeping me from moving on. I feel like what happened is, she was hurt and saw me going away and decided that she needed to move away too. She jumped on the first guy she talked to online (not saying they don't have stuff in common, apparently he has similar health issues and she feels she is finally understood by someone for the first time) and quickly replaced me with him (I was her best and essentially only friend). I now realize that she was the biggest source of happiness in my life and that I should have stopped being confused and told her I loved her and stopped looking for someone else when I had someone that made me very happy right in front of me. I understand I messed up by stringing her along and by being scared of starting an actual relationship again with her. I am sure she still has feelings for me as barely two weeks ago we were a couple in everything but name, however she is probably focused on her new relationship right now which makes the whole matter more difficult. After our initial break up last year I managed to "get her back" by being her friend and through meeting her and reminding her of what we had been and could still be. I still have to give her back her keys so I have at minimum one opportunity to meet her. Should I go with NC for a month and then see what happens or do you think there's something I can do right now ? I feel like all I want to do is show up at her doorstep and say how sorry I am for how I treated her and that I want to be with her and her alone. I know this would work if there wasn't someone else in the picture. TLDR: Messed up by stringing along my ex whom I still love and now she is in what appears to be in an online rebound. What to do ? Link to comment
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