Jump to content

Just need to vent


Deejmonster

Recommended Posts

In the last few years I have done a lot of soul searching in order to build myself into the person that I want to be. I think that I have come a long way and I know that there is more for me to do. I took some time off of dating for a while for my own mental health and got back into it around September. I met a few really nice women on eharmony, and eventually met my former girlfriend.

 

I felt like I took a chance when I messaged her. I figured that she was out of my league and I was pleasantly surprised when she came to really take an interest in me. We dated and eventually came official all in the span of a few months. I felt that I really took my time, I didn’t rush into anything, and we didn’t put labels on it until I felt like we were ready. She had everything that I was looking for in a person but our personalities were pretty different.

I started noticing things that I didn’t necessarily like with her but still tried to accept her. She was my girlfriend and I understand that there will always be these types of things. Within the past month she began showing more of her true self… very argumentative, complained a lot, would challenge me on things, and I felt that we was no longer pulling her weight. I enjoyed being around her but could not for the life of me figure out why she would always trying and start things. She struggles with weight issues, and had weight loss surgery and lost over 100 pounds in the process. She looks amazing, but still suffers the mental strain of thinking that it’s not enough.

We broke up last week after a small argument. She barely said a word to me over the course of 2 days. This was not acceptable to me and I even contemplated pulling the plug before she ultimately handed down the sentence.

The dust has settled, the break was clean and mature, and I have no interest in ever trying again with her because it won’t work between us. I do wish her the best, but I don’t think that she was mentally ready to take on a real relationship. I don’t think that she sees a lot of the personal issues that she is still fighting. I just don’t think she is happy with who she is. I understand that it wasn’t going to work and I understand that continuing to try would have been a mistake, and I understand that I will be fine but it still sucks.

 

I am mad that I wasted my time, energy, money, and got emotionally invested and I have nothing to show for it. I still think about her a lot but it’s merely out of frustration. I’m hurt. It sucks and I know I will be ok, but I’m just frustrated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Of course it sucks, and you are frustrated. And, yes, eventually you will be fine.

But that's what life is - making choices, taking chances, following a path that you have no idea where it will lead. Or where it will end.

 

Saying you have nothing to show for it...? What you have are whatever good memories you made together. But even more, you have the lessons you learned thru this relationship. No doubt you have a stronger sense now of who you are, what you want and what you need going into the future.

Nothing in life is guaranteed. The best you can do is learn from this, so that the next time might be better.

Best of luck to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know that she wasn't the one for me. My conscience even told me so... I knew that she would not be the one I settled with. There were lots of things that bothered me about her too. Even though I know it was the right thing to do, why can't I get her out of my head? I don't want to think about her but the thought of her just won't leave. I feel hung up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear this happened. Agree, it sounds like she had unresolved issues and thought she was ready, but really wasn't. I've heard that weight loss surgery and the sudden new body can leave some people with a lot of stuff to deal with.

I don’t think that she was mentally ready to take on a real relationship. I don’t think that she sees a lot of the personal issues that she is still fighting. I just don’t think she is happy with who she is.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know that she wasn't the one for me. My conscience even told me so... I knew that she would not be the one I settled with. There were lots of things that bothered me about her too. Even though I know it was the right thing to do, why can't I get her out of my head? I don't want to think about her but the thought of her just won't leave. I feel hung up.

 

All relationships are risks. It's not as if getting into a relationship is going to automatically result in a long-term payoff (marriage, children whatever). It's just an agreement to see if you are compatible. And you guys aren't.

 

I also don't think it's fair to relegate her to some sort of relationship purgatory. She's got her own issues. Many of us do. She'll likely work through them in her own time. She may be more suited to someone with similar experiences from the weight perspective. It's a big change.

 

Anyway, breakups take time to get over. You just have to give it time. I would note that she had a lot of the things you are looking for in a person but your personalities were different. That says to me that you weren't looking for the right things. Personality, similar values ... that stuff should be your first priorities. Not just a pretty girl who might seem nice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All relationships are risks. It's not as if getting into a relationship is going to automatically result in a long-term payoff (marriage, children whatever). It's just an agreement to see if you are compatible. And you guys aren't.

 

I also don't think it's fair to relegate her to some sort of relationship purgatory. She's got her own issues. Many of us do. She'll likely work through them in her own time. She may be more suited to someone with similar experiences from the weight perspective. It's a big change.

 

Anyway, breakups take time to get over. You just have to give it time. I would note that she had a lot of the things you are looking for in a person but your personalities were different. That says to me that you weren't looking for the right things. Personality, similar values ... that stuff should be your first priorities. Not just a pretty girl who might seem nice.

 

We did have a lot in common, or so I thought. We came from solid family backgrounds, she had an education, had her life in order per say, was religious, involved in the community, and overall just had things going for her. However, something clicked in her and she withdrew and suddenly it was like walking around egg shells around her. Today has been rough. Shes flooding my mind all over again. Im struggling to find interest in anything right now and its tormenting the crap out of me. I don't understand why it's happening. I've let countless people go before now and when I met her I finally felt that I was ready in an emotional and mental sense. Now that it's over, I am doubting everything. The only time that I seem to escape is when I am at the gym. I think that one big thing that is affecting me right now is the silence. We talked a lot on the phone and always kept in contact throughout the day. I looked forward to it. It felt good. The silence is deafening right now. I have friends, but I don't want to talk to them like we used to talk. I think this is my biggest challenge right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...