It seems nothing is ever enough for me

[sazain36]

I live with my boyfriend of 1.5 years. I'm feeling as though the connection between us is not as strong as it was when we met. I know time changes relationships, but my in previous relationship I received a lot of sexual attention, my ex was always so attracted to me and cared for my well being very obviously. I'm used to that, I liked it, but he doesn't seem interested most of the time. He says I'm beautiful but it's like he has compliments on a loop, 'you're beautiful and wonderful and I love you" over and over the same thing. I want to hear, 'god you're incredibly sexy and I want you now' or 'I don't want you driving in the snow by yourself, it makes me nervous'. I may have put on a few pounds since we met but I still love the way I look and I think I'm very attractive, maybe he doesn't? He's great and I appreciate everything he does and says, but it just doesn't feel like there's any meaning behind his compliments, they sound rehearsed just to appease me. I don't know what to do, when I ask about it I sound needy, I don't want to go down that road.

 

We had an emotional relationship during my last relationship, because my last relatioinship lacked an emotional connection. Ironic. I was unfaithful, I'm not proud of it, but it happened and I can't change it now.

 

He's not as attentive to my sexual wants and needs, and doesn't seem interested in sex most of the time. Thinking back, I realize I felt the same way in my last relationship, but with the emotional/romantic side. Sex was never a problem. Is it me? Is anything ever going to be enough for me or is it them?

[j.man]

How many pounds is "a few pounds?"

 

In any case, it sounds like he's not much for getting creative with compliments. Does he do anything else to show love and appreciation? Gifts? Help with repairs / building stuff? Overall things that make your life a bit easier?

[sazain36]

I was 120 when we met I'm now 126. it's hardly noticeable. I notice,

but he's never said anything.

[sazain36]

Yes! He's very handy, and he cooks, and he actually surprised with a beautiful dinner out last night. He's not lacking in thoughtfulness, just that sexual desire. I should add, he does have sensitivity issues, I mean physical feeling of sensation, sexually. He went to a Dr. before we were intimate because he knew how sexually charged I can be. The truth is, if he never told me about his issue, I probably wouldn't have even noticed.

[sazain36]

He's definitely insecure about it, but It's been such a long time I thought we'd be past this by now

[sazain36]

I guess what I'm really asking is, can I do something to make him want me sexually more often or more intensively?

[Andrina]

So what did the doctor say? Have you two educated yourself about the problem? If you're going to be sexually frustrated, it's best to move on to someone who matches your libido. For any relationship, a good tool to consult is the book The Five Love Languages. It's important to know which love language your partner values the most so you can be sure he/she receives what they desire.

 

Communicate what you want. If a partner cares, they will try to please you. If they don't care, nothing will change. You also have to realize that even if a person is wonderful, incompatibility might be the culprit.

[j.man]

Well if he's got genital sensitivity issues that he's seen a doctor about, then I'd suspect it's not for a lack of desire of you that your sexual incompatibility arises from. Like Andrina, I'd be interested to hear how the medical follow-up has gone. Also, how long ago did the sex taper off? If he's still showing love and appreciation through all the ways you've mentioned, it's quite possible that this is the level of sex he'd be comfortable having with you or any other woman. In which case, I'd concur with considering this a compatibility issue rather than a fault on either of your ends.

[sazain36]

I guess his doctor didn't say much and just gave him Viagra. But the problem is not get up it's keeping the feeling up. He was too embarrassed to go any further with it. As for the sex, maybe about six months ago.

[Wiseman2]

Agree after living together things can get routine. He may have compliments on a loop because he already knows you need and want them so much.

 

Interestingly you talk about your past relationships in comparison...are you really over them? Was this a rebound? Sounds like you have a very high craving for complements and attention to the point of seeking it elsewhere.

 

Unfortunately it sounds like you are getting in a rut and not keeping up the romance and interest. What are you doing to plan interesting, romantic things?

 

Hopefully both of you haven't gotten complacent and just sit around the place a lot, thinking about exes and greener gass?

I live with my boyfriend of 1.5 years.I want to hear, 'god you're incredibly sexy and I want you now' or 'I don't want you driving in the snow by yourself, it makes me nervous'. it just doesn't feel like there's any meaning behind his compliments, they sound rehearsed just to appease me. He's not as attentive to my sexual wants and needs, and doesn't seem interested in sex most of the time. Thinking back, I realize I felt the same way in my last relationship.