4 months post break up - how will I ever let him go?

[AbandonedMe]

I'm just so helpless. It's 4 months since he broke up with me. I can't handle to be treated so badly. We were together 4 years, had difficulties in the end because of our LDR. He was my first love. I rarely fall in love at all. It took me 23 years to find him. Our distance would have been over anyway, I was ready to move to him. Then we had a terrible argument, out of my insecurities. We made up and everything seemed to be relatively fine again (though I recognized he got more and more distanced). However, a month later then he cheated on me with a co-worker and left me to be with her. So there was an overlapping of around a week.

 

I still feel like in a nightmare. I still cry every day. The worst is, I struggle finding a job in my country but I have kind of a good offer in his country, his city. I don't know what to do. I am feeling very bad here and in my current situation, but over there I would feel terrible lonely, too.

 

I feel so worthless and rejected. I ask myself "Why she" and "Why you find her better than me". Obviously, she speaks his language, has a passion and is everything I wasn't to him in the end. With her, he can go to the theater finally and found a strong partner.

 

Still, I have all our memories in my mind and how much he fought for us, how much he loved me and I am struggling to accept he just totally doesn't care about me anymore.

 

Can anyone relate to this ty situation? Did you see yourself in a similar hopeless situation? And is it really true that time heals? Cause for me it doesn't seem to work like that...

[rtyu4567]

You will heal someday, so will I. You are not worthless, what happened and what he did or chose does not reflect who you are. You are hurting right now, its a loss. But you are worthy and good just not for him, but you are worthy of love for yourself and for someone else in the future. You feel rejected.....but its a feeling not a fact. The main thing is that you do not reject yourself and the amazing things you can offer to another. Thats right you have a lot to offer. With time things will unravel and the right decisions will come to you. Time heals diff for everyone. But ur time will come nonetheless.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Agree that her being his culture, the same language and most of all local make a LDR pale by comparison. Were you always long distance? Hopefully you have met...how often did you see each other?

 

However it sounds like there are different issues regarding not finding a job where you are and thinking life would be better where he is. Perhaps the disappointment that he won't help you move there adds to your grief?

 

Were you hoping he could rescue you one day for a brighter future in his country? Why were you long distance for so many years?

 

All you can do is go no contact and look for a job and relationships locally.

We were together 4 years, had difficulties in the end because of our LDR. The worst is, I struggle finding a job in my country but I have kind of a good offer in his country, his city. I am feeling very bad here and in my current situation, but over there I would feel terrible lonely, too.

[AbandonedMe]

I have the feeling you misunderstand the situation quite a bit...let me explain.

 

I'm from one of the richest countries in the world while my ex is from one of the poorest in Europe. It's NOT like I hoped for a brighter future in his country, come on. I think you interpret some weird things here in my very personal story. Absolutely not. We fell in love with each other and that's why we planned a future together. The reason why I have problems finding a job here has smthg to do with my study subject. Infact, it's much easier to get a job in his country than here, cause it's simply not useful here. So I applied and got a good job offer immediately. I have lived together with my ex in his country already for a year, I also worked over there already, had a voluntary service, one semester abroad and an internship. I know his city very well and I like that place a lot. And yes, we have met regulary although we had LD.

Of course, I am aware of the fact that EVERYTHING will be totally different now when I go there and I cant be with him. Im struggling with the break up so much and thats why I am afraid about the consequences leaving for the job. I would like to go as my situation right now here isnt fullfilling but Im just simply afraid I will break NC when I am so close to him.

 

 

 

It's really NOT like I am looking for a wealthy life or smthg! I am just heartbroken and I cant get him out of my mind! He is my first love. Yes, there was trouble in the end cause of my jeallousy. I hate myself for being so insecure, i am pretty much aware that i ruined a lot with that behaviour. He didnt gave me any reason. Just in the very end after a really devastating argument via whatsapp, he emotionally emptied as he sayd.. he went away, and found comfort in the arms of a co worker.

 

I have to take a decision wether to anyway go to his city or not. I have this offer and one side tells me, its an opportunity and why not? Love the place, have already friends over there and at least a job, fine. The other side

[AbandonedMe]

.. The other side tells me it could be quite heartbreaking seeing him there on the street with his new gf

[AbandonedMe]

Oh and so far he doesn't feel ready to meet me for closure... he sayd he couldn't give me any answers yet..

 

I just would like to look in his eyes and he shall tell me right in my face there won't ever be a way back... I want honesty, finally

[Xenia]

Hi, i can totally relate... ive been 3 years and a half with my ex bf, he left me 3 months ago i feel like i still cant accept it because hes on my mind 24/7 i cant do anything without him popping throught my mind at any seconds.. i am about to get therapy soon because i know something is not right in my healing process so i think you should get some help too if youre still crying everyday after 4 months. My ex too falling for a new chick now and it hurts so fckn bad every morning i wake up and i just hope this was a nightmare but it itsnt its been reality for 3 months...