stealing and impulsive behavior

[elephant2097]

I've struggled with stealing my whole adolescence. I come from a middle class OK family and have no reason to do it.

I stole for different reasons at various stages. when I was younger it was for thrills, and I would hide then dispose of what I stole.

I found myself stealing a few years ago from an emotionally abusive wealthy friend. I'm in a reflective mood tonight and I want to know why my old impulsive behavior returned. the items are tucked away and bring me bad memories whenever accidentally dug up.

 

does anyone have experience with this? I want to lay this behavior to rest and stop myself from ever doing it again. I find myself in a delirious state when I'm doing it and it feels truly horrific.

feel free to ask further questions to help me figure it out

 

Thank you

[Wiseman2]

From the Mayo Clinic site :

 

Kleptomania is considered uncommon. However because many people with kleptomania never seek treatment, or they're simply jailed after repeated thefts, many cases of kleptomania may never be diagnosed. Kleptomania often begins during the teen years or in young adulthood, but in rare cases it begins in later adulthood.

 

Kleptomania risk factors may include:

 

Family history. Having a first-degree relative, such as a parent or sibling, with kleptomania, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or a substance or alcohol use problem may increase your risk of kleptomania.

Being female. About two-thirds of people with known kleptomania are women.

Having another mental illness. People with kleptomania often have another mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, an eating disorder, substance use disorder or a personality disorder.

Head trauma or brain injuries. People who've experienced a head trauma may develop kleptomania.

[Capricorn3]

I can only strongly advice professional counseling/therapy.

[elephant2097]

thank you. but I don't think its kleptomania. I hate giving it a label. I want to discuss my behavior on a personal level

[elephant2097]

also the fact that anger or emotion was involved rules out kleptomania

[Capricorn3]

also the fact that anger or emotion was involved rules out kleptomania

 

Clearly there is a lot more at play here (imo) and, the only way to get help and the correct answers is by professional counseling. This is not what one would say is "normal" behaviour (again, imo). Anger issues in itself is also a red flag that all is not well. You need professional help to dig deeper to find out where all of this is coming from. You have to get to the root cause if you ever want to overcome it.

[Wiseman2]

What does your therapist/doctor think it is? Keep in mind you could have a whole bunch of stuff going on in addition to kleptomania. Can you discuss it on a personal level with a professional? That's usually what they are for.

I don't think its kleptomania. I hate giving it a label. I want to discuss my behavior on a personal level

[elephant2097]

I don't have the luxury of being able to go to a therapist so i'm depending on the kindness of internet strangers for the first stage of therapy. please ask questions and help me figure it out

[Capricorn3]

please ask questions and help me figure it out

With all due respect, none of us here have the qualifications to "help you figure it out". We know nothing about you, about your past, how you were raised, etc, which led to these various issues. All we can do is merely guess, but that still won't solve your problems. This needs a professional (imo).

[elephant2097]

I think its to do with feeling wronged and owed. i can't handle rejection or personal criticism and insults. I'll pretend to be ok with the negative behaviour towards me and act out in passive aggressive ways - i.e taking something.

I have a hard time getting close with people and I don't trust anyone.

 

there isn't any childhood trauma in my past, and i'm a highly functional adult. I have feelings of feeling dissociated sometimes and I don't feel like a 'normal person'.

[Wiseman2]

Sell some of the stuff you stole on eBay and hopefully you can afford therapy soon. Are you afraid of being arrested for shoplifting?

I don't have the luxury of being able to go to a therapist so i'm depending on the kindness of internet strangers for the first stage of therapy.

[Capricorn3]

Are you afraid of being arrested for shoplifting?

OP, the chances of getting arrested is a huge. These days, there are cameras all over the place and watching our every move. Sooner or later, it WILL catch up with you. You need to get a hold of this before you end up getting locked up. Please get the help you need.

[Wiseman2]

But this part fits to a tee, no? " However because many people with kleptomania never seek treatment, or they're simply jailed after repeated thefts, many cases of kleptomania may never be diagnosed."

also the fact that anger or emotion was involved rules out kleptomania

[ParisPaulette]

Regardless of what you do or don't want to call it, you have an addiction. One that you fall back into whenever you are upset or life is going tough for you. This is where just a support group might help, something for people who have compulsions or addictions that don't fit the standard norms. Heck, maybe even self-study on addictions and how to work on them would help you.

 

It's just really apparent to me your drug of choice is stealing. You're aware you have a problem, it sounds like you want to change, support groups can be a good first step if you can't afford therapy right now or don't want to go. Do the research, see what's out there, you aren't the only one who has a compulsion/addiction/habit that gets out of control so think of it that way. And start seeing where you can get some assistance for that.

[Jibralta]

I think its to do with feeling wronged and owed. i can't handle rejection or personal criticism and insults. I'll pretend to be ok with the negative behaviour towards me and act out in passive aggressive ways - i.e taking something.

I have a hard time getting close with people and I don't trust anyone.

 

there isn't any childhood trauma in my past, and i'm a highly functional adult. I have feelings of feeling dissociated sometimes and I don't feel like a 'normal person'.

 

I accidentally liked this post, but I do relate to the first sentence. I stole for a while when I was 13 - 15, until I was eventually arrested. And actually, I stole again after that and almost got caught, which resulted in me stopping completely (a last hurrah, if you will).

 

At the time, I couldn't explain my feelings. But I've since learned that people steal when they feel like something has been withheld from them. Due to my family circumstances at the time, I think this assessment makes sense.

 

However, at the time that I was a thief, I was also a child. If you are an adult who is stealing and acting passive aggressively rather than addressing your problems head-on, I would reconsider the term "highly functional," at least on an emotional level. You may be supremely intelligent on an on an intellectual level, but if you are emotionally unintelligent, intellect takes a back seat.

 

Therapy may help. It did for me.

[dias]

I accidentally liked this post, but I do relate to the first sentence. I stole for a while when I was 13 - 15, until I was eventually arrested. And actually, I stole again after that and almost got caught, which resulted in me stopping completely (a last hurrah, if you will).

 

At the time, I couldn't explain my feelings. But I've since learned that people steal when they feel like something has been withheld from them. Due to my family circumstances at the time, I think this assessment makes sense.

 

However, at the time that I was a thief, I was also a child. If you are an adult who is stealing and acting passive aggressively rather than addressing your problems head-on, I would reconsider the term "highly functional," at least on an emotional level. You may be supremely intelligent on an on an intellectual level, but if you are emotionally unintelligent, intellect takes a back seat.

 

Therapy may help. It did for me.

 

Interesting. I used to steal from kiosks and supermarkets as a teenager but many boys at school did it too. It was a teenager thing I assume(bad boys etc), but looking back I think that all these boys had something in common-no pocket money from parents.So we believed that beers, ice creams etc were withheld from us? Kleptomania is another chapter though.

[nutbrownhare]

I come from a large family, and my mother isn't really a maternal type (despite all the evidence to the contrary!). We all suffered emotional neglect to varying degrees, and one of my brothers was a compulsive shoplifter in his early-mid teens. Then my now ex-husband entered the family, and took a great interest in this brother, spent quality time with him and they remained friends for long after we had split up.

 

My brother's thieving expeditions stopped overnight once he had someone he could really relate to.