LondonLad83 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 To cut a long story short (some will have read previous posts), just over 4 months ago I met a girl at a sort of week long music festival that goes on all over a town. She'd seen my band play and when we were both watching someone else play she asked me the time as an excuse to speak to me (I'd been wanting to talk to her sing I first saw her) Met up a few more times and we have loads in common, and she always says yes whenever I ask her out, though we do live in cities quite far apart. After a couple of times I asked her on a date, so that went ok but I still feel she is very shy with me unless we've had a few drinks. Whenever that happens we'll end up making out a lot, but I figure she agrees to come with me when she's dead sober so it can't just be the drink - I wouldn't keep going out with the same person if I knew it would lead to something I'd regret. Anyway, the first time we ending up kissing, the next day I asked her if I could convince her to give up being single (she's been single 3 years) and she was a bit awkward and said I could but she didn't want to rush things, which I was fine about. We've been out a 4 times since, whenever it's just been us we've ended up kissing a lot and last time, she came back home with me and things got sexual. The day after she said she had a wonderful time, but didn't really say anything about what happened til I explained I'd wanted to get more intimate for ages but didn't want to rush her, she said it was fine and I didn't rush her. But I just don't know whether I should ask her to make things official. Surely she knows I want to go out with her because I asked her before, so if she wanted the same she could say. I don't want to pressure her, but I really don't know if she just wants friends with benefits or she's waiting for me to ask her. Kind of curious what a woman's point of view would be on this. I get the feeling she's unsure about relationships but she said she had nothing in common with her last boyfriend and we have loads in common. She even said her dad would like me though he hated her ex and one of her male friends. Another thing is she told me while we were a bit drunk she's not a but she likes to get tested for STIs. Maybe that's just her being honest about something that is responsible, maybe that was her trying to tell me she's clean of anything because she wanted to have sex with me, maybe I'm just another guy... My head is a bit messed up because I know she has a lot of guy friends, one dude she tells me about has made several advances but she always says she refuses them. I don't mistrust her but it's just making me think that sex doesn't have to mean she wants anything more - usually I wouldn't even be having sex with anyone I wasn't with. Anyway, I'm seeing her in a few days, probably staying the night together as we're going out of town, I don't know whether to try and nail down an answer from her, or has she pretty much given it already? One curious thing is a while back she came and met my two friends who were sort of together but not officially, and she said it was so obvious they were together, why didn't they just admit it and make it official?
JaggerJim Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Sorry if she likes getting tested for STI's, then she must sleep around? It sounds like she just wants friends with benefits at this stage.
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Go with the flow. It sounds like she wants to date and be exclusive but doesn't want to label things. Stop talking about official etc after just a few dates. Tell her she's the only girl you're interested in seeing. Talk about fun things to do in the future. Make and plan dates.
LondonLad83 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 Go with the flow. It sounds like she wants to date and be exclusive but doesn't want to label things. Stop talking about official etc after just a few dates. Tell her she's the only girl you're interested in seeing. Talk about fun things to do in the future. Make and plan dates. I am doing that, planning things to do with her, got quite a few things lined up, but I'm worried that if I don't make it clear I want a relationship she'll assume that I am after just friends with benefits. Then again I feel like she already knows I want more.
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Exactly. That's why you state your intentions by saying 'you're the only girl I want to be with' rather than asking her "what are we?, etc."I'm worried that if I don't make it clear I want a relationship she'll assume that I am after just friends with benefits.
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