bosslady973 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I have not been married for 6 months yet and I am ready to call it quits. I have posted on here before about my DH and things are not improving. He tries to play the blame game and try to make me feel bad about how I feel about him spending excess time outside the home after work enjoying his hobby that hardly brings in money. But he tells me he's working and then I find out he's doing his hobby. I have taken everyone's opinion about talking to him and telling him how I feel and what I want and we keep going back to square one. He expects me to do what i'm suppose to do but he doesn't. We don't have family time nor do we have dates. We are married and suppose to have a big reception in 7 months in place of a wedding we didn't have and he hasn't brought it up once. He said that we are also not having a honeymoon. He told me not to ask him to do or go anywhere because i'm stopping him from making money doing his hobby but he is still doing it but not telling me. I never wanted to be married to get a divorce but I can not continue to let years go bye dealing with the same thing. I'm suppose to sacrifice what I want to do because of what he's doing but when I need to do something, I have to cancel. reschedule or just forget it! What I want to do doesn't matter, if it's not what he wants but i'm suppose to be supportive of him and his endeavors. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I follow through and leave him? Thanks for the positive responses! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 How long were you dating before you moved in/got married? Did he have these hours/hobbies then? What kind of hobby is this and why is he out all night? Do you feel like a live in nanny housekeeper more than a wife? Can you consult an attorney about having the marriage annulled or getting a divorce? See what your options are since this won't be changing. him spending excess time outside the home after work enjoying his hobby that hardly brings in money. But he tells me he's working and then I find out he's doing his hobby. We don't have family time nor do we have dates. He told me not to ask him to do or go anywhere because i'm stopping him from making money doing his hobby but he is still doing it but not telling me. Link to comment
surfdiva Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Can I ask what "DH" means? Link to comment
bosslady973 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Can I ask what "DH" means? Dear Husband lol Link to comment
bosslady973 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 How long were you dating before you moved in/got married? Did he have these hours/hobbies then? What kind of hobby is this and why is he out all night? Do you feel like a live in nanny housekeeper more than a wife? Can you consult an attorney about having the marriage annulled or getting a divorce? See what your options are since this won't be changing. We have been together for 5 years. He wants to be a Music Producer. He was into music but because of his situation when we met, he was always home. He wasn't into the music like he is now. I do feel like a na babysitter and housekeeper. I am trying because of the kids but I can't continue to be unhappy and not having my feelings accounted for! Link to comment
bosslady973 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Is he employed? Yes he is! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 How is being out all night and aspiring to be a music producer related? Why the bait and switch after you married? Do you work outside of the home? Tell him flat out that the marriage is in peril unless things change and comes home at night and spends some quality family time and some date nights. Forget about the fancy wedding.He wants to be a Music Producer. He was into music but because of his situation when we met, he was always home. He wasn't into the music like he is now. I do feel like a na babysitter and housekeeper. Link to comment
bosslady973 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 We moved and bought a house so when we moved it was close to his "friends" and near the city. So it was his excuse, that he has access, that is the reason why things changed. I've told him that and he's like why does he have to plan everything. When I try to plan, it never follows through. Why can't he be romantic and surprise me? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 We moved and bought a house so when we moved it was close to his "friends" and near the city. So it was his excuse, that he has access, that is the reason why things changed. I've told him that and he's like why does he have to plan everything. When I try to plan, it never follows through. Why can't he be romantic and surprise me? If he is not romantic, he isn't going to be. So wishing isn't going to help you. Put your foot down that Friday night (or whatever night works for you where you can get babysitting) is date night. That means that you two are going out and he better be around for it and who cares about his hobby. Sunday or Saturday is family day and it's not negotiable. That still leaves him 5 days out of the week to pursue whatever he wants. If he is not willing, tell him flat out you are divorcing him and mean it. The man has 3 kids. Time to grow up. Link to comment
bosslady973 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 If he is not romantic, he isn't going to be. So wishing isn't going to help you. Put your foot down that Friday night (or whatever night works for you where you can get babysitting) is date night. That means that you two are going out and he better be around for it and who cares about his hobby. Sunday or Saturday is family day and it's not negotiable. That still leaves him 5 days out of the week to pursue whatever he wants. If he is not willing, tell him flat out you are divorcing him and mean it. The man has 3 kids. Time to grow up. I have told him that! I have had so many convo's with him on the matter and still nothing. I even tried therapy but he has excuses why he can't go. He makes time for the studio and everything else he wants to do but not his family. I am tired of sounding like a broken record. How many times must I tell him how I feel before he does something about it! When i'm gone? Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Honestly you sound like you've done everything you can and he still isn't changing, probably because he knows these are empty threats and he's just gone "Uh-huh, dear" on you. What can you do that is different? We can all tell you things like divorce him or tell him he fixes his own dinner now, but I'm more in favor of you getting your own hobby and telling him when he walks in the door that you'll be out and then you just go and leave him with the kids. No arguing, no explanations, you go out and you enjoy your time out. Then go talk to a good divorce attorney, because this is who he is and yeah it sounds like he pulled a bait and switch on you. So it's time for you to figure out what about your own actions you're going to change, because you can't change his. Link to comment
bosslady973 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Share Posted January 14, 2017 Honestly you sound like you've done everything you can and he still isn't changing, probably because he knows these are empty threats and he's just gone "Uh-huh, dear" on you. What can you do that is different? We can all tell you things like divorce him or tell him he fixes his own dinner now, but I'm more in favor of you getting your own hobby and telling him when he walks in the door that you'll be out and then you just go and leave him with the kids. No arguing, no explanations, you go out and you enjoy your time out. Then go talk to a good divorce attorney, because this is who he is and yeah it sounds like he pulled a bait and switch on you. So it's time for you to figure out what about your own actions you're going to change, because you can't change his. I'm a stay at home mom. I don't have money to just leave the house to do something I want. Moray odd the time when I ask for money, it's a problem! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Get a part time job evenings. It solve a few problems, being dependent, not having your own money, he has to watch his own kids, you get some self esteem and leverage.I'm a stay at home mom. I don't have money to just leave the house to do something I want. Moray odd the time when I ask for money, it's a problem! Link to comment
Lester Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 "...but i'm suppose to be supportive of him and his endeavors." - Not when those endeavors threaten the foundation of the marriage. Link to comment
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