Regret

[katlynmore2]

So I've been dating this guy for 2.5 years and it was a very mature relationship for our young age. our families knew each other well. we had many ties together. but he cheated on me once and talked to other people twice. I talked to other people also throughout the relationship. a few months ago I met someone at my work I developed feelings for and the guy at work had the same feelings toward me. we talked about breaking up but I couldn't do it. fast forward a few months to where I was preferring whole heartedly being with the work kid. I would dream that my bf was him. so on NYE we broke up and for a week I was totally fine. I went on a date with this guy and it went poorly. i decided to try and get my bf back because I was missing him. he didn't want to be with me anymore. I spoke to him in person and I sobbed while I hugged him and I never wanted to let him go. but he insisted he preferred this. no matter how much I persuaded him to try again he refused. now for the past 3 days I've felt physically sick and I'm not capable of being happy and I've tried. I miss him so much and all I want to do is run to him despite his dislike for being with me. I've suggested maybe we should go out as friends and see if feelings still lie. I know I can fix our small relationship flaws and that was the reason he refuses to love me, but I know we can fix it. good idea or bad?

[j.man]

I don't think dating kids is ever a good idea.

[Quidam]

Kid?! And by that?!

[katlynmore2]

I meant other person not literal kid

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but when you dump someone to try out something else there's always the risk that they don't want you back.

 

Generally you don't break hearts to experiment and then expect a warm welcome back.

 

You can't fix anything. Leave him alone and go not contact so you can heal...and let him heal after what you did to him.

I would dream that my bf was him. so on NYE we broke up. I went on a date with this guy and it went poorly. i decided to try and get my bf back.he didn't want to be with me anymore. no matter how much I persuaded him to try again he refused. I know I can fix our small relationship flaws and that was the reason he refuses to love me, but I know we can fix it.

[ParisPaulette]

I think right now you're just going through breakup withdrawals and you're in the bargaining stage of "Oh, I think it was great." But he cheated on you and was chatting up other people behind your back. That's not a quality partner, and you need to keep reminding yourself why you dumped him in the first place is because he couldn't be loyal to you to begin with.

 

As to the other guy, one date going badly doesn't mean you are now at an end of all relationships. Far, far from it, but you need to take a hard look at why you seem so tied up in having to have a guy there to feel good about yourself. Relationships are supposed to enhance what you already have, a good life, not be the whole reason and cause for your happiness. If they are toxic or the person mistreats you there is zero reason to have them in your life and sure it hurts to get rid of them, but that hurt fades.

 

And you shouldn't be racing out to replace him just yet, because you need that time alone to really examine why you didn't dump him the first time he cheated on you, why you were willing to try and let him have his cake and eat it too, just so you could have a boyfriend in your life. It isn't love if you have to trade parts of your own self-esteem and self-respect away to have an illusion, and yes that is what staying with a cheating partner does.

 

This doesn't mean you won't be sad, you won't miss what you hoped or thought you had, but you do need to take him off the pedestal. Because what you had was someone who was already asking to get dumped, and who frankly needed to be. So be sad, grieve the loss of the relationship, but don't sugarcoat it either. Stay NC and let the clouds start to lift, one day you'll just wonder why you ever gave him the time of day.

 

It will be all right, but I think you did absolutely the right, the best thing for you, even if it wasn't the easiest. And in the end you will be a whole ton better for it.