Retrieving my things

[Reesy33]

I am in the midst of what I believe is our final breakup. I have finished with him several times due to mis-treatment (not physical but emotional) but he always managed to get me back with false promises. He ruined my birthday and new year and practically kicked me out of his house new years day distraught and crying. This is it now. This time he didnt get in touch. I left it 3 or 4 days and then texted him asking if we can make arrangements for him to send my studf to me (clothes, shoes etc) on Sunday and he responded suggesting Monday instead. this really broke my heart as on some level I expected him to come to his senses, apologise for his awful behaviour and ask for another chance. I responded saying "fine". The next night I got completely drunk and sent a series of venomous texts telling him all the things I hated about him and then blocked him so as not to deal with the responses. I woke up Sunday feeling very disappointed in myself and full of regret. I unblocked him the next day to apologise and that I need time to get over him and will contact him for my stuff in a while.

 

I have now changed my number (its been a week) and some days are harder than others and I miss him like crazy and its taking every ounce of power to not contact him. But I cant stop thinking about my stuff and the fact I still have to contact him at some point. I dont know whether to just get it out of the way now or wait??

 

What should I do?

[Seraphim]

Is it a lot of stuff? If not I would worry about it. Making a break where you won't get drawn back into a cycle is much better . You can always buy more stuff .

[j.man]

Either get your stuff or tell him he can get rid of it.

[nutbrownhare]

Depends how important/urgent your stuff is. If it's stuff you need right now, replace it if you can.

 

If you genuinely need it, but it can wait a few weeks, and you're sure it's about your stuff and not about trying to get him to react in any way - wait. He probably won't want anything to do with you after a series of venomous texts, but chasing him at this stage is likely to pull you back into the silly games.

 

Give it a month of NC, and then see if you can contact him.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. You don't want to get back with someone repeatedly after "mistreatment", right? Stay no contact and stay sober and calm down. Read up on abusive relationship cycles.

 

Get into some counselling to sort out things and why you got involved in an abusive, tumultuous situation like this. ;concern:

 

Get help for the drinking, if it's creating problems. I have finished with him several times due to mis-treatment not physical but emotional. new year and practically kicked me out of his house new years day. texted him asking if we can make arrangements for him to send my studf to me (clothes, shoes etc) on Sunday and he responded suggesting Monday instead.The next night I got completely drunk and sent a series of venomous texts telling him all the things I hated about him.

[Reesy33]

Is it a lot of stuff? If not I would worry about it. Making a break where you won't get drawn back into a cycle is much better . You can always buy more stuff .

 

Hi all, it's the OP.

 

So I basically texted him moments after posting the thread! He agreed to sending it in a cab on the following Sunday. Texts were all very short and to the point. On the Saturday I has some free time and texted him asking if he was home and could he send it now perhaps. He responded saying "probably tomorrow", even though he had agreed to Sunday! Then he sent another text soon after saying "I mean i'm not at home today" God knows where he would have been - he doesn't GO anywhere! That night I was out with friends and was a bit tipsy and texted him asking if we can be at least friendly but he didnt respond. I then called him (I know I know!) on my new number and he answered, but then when I said it was me he quickly said "I can't talk right now" and put the phone down. He then texted me apologising and that he didn't recognise the number but he couldn't talk.

 

All this behavior is completely out of character for him so I woke up on Sunday with 2 - no 3, thoughts. 1) He's acting aloof to get me back. 2) This time he's really wanting out. 3) DAMN alcohol!

The most likely is thought number 2. I decided enough was enough. I texted him telling him that I was disappointed that he would treat me this way after everything we've been through and that I weant to cut all communication going forward. This was last Sunday. It has been 10 days of no contact. I have blocked him on all channels (social media, text and email - although he could still email my work email but luckily he hasn't). Last weekend I purposely didnt drink in order not to "drink and dial". He has kids from a former marriage - 2 girls, 12 and 16 who he would have had last weekend. However this weekend he won't have them so if he doesn't contact me then, he probably never will again.

 

I know the relationship wasn't good but my mind is seemingly playing tricks on me and I can only remember the good stuff and how, at the core of himself, he is a good person. Today has been particularly tough and it has taken EVERYTHING to not contact him. I am at war with my own mind and it's desperate to have a fix of him. Even if it's just to hear his voice and read a text. This is so so so hard but ultimately it's for the best. It's been 26 days since we've seen each other or spoken properly and i'm no longer crying myself to sleep. But i'm worried that i'm giving myself false hope that he will get in touch and tell me he can't live without me and will change. I'm worried that my grieving is on hold or something and that I haven't accepted it.

 

Either way....BREAK UPS SUCK~!

[Wiseman2]

Have you gotten your things back yet? That would help sever ties and false hopes.

He agreed to sending it in a cab on the following Sunday.