Eventually, I would like to date but I still don't know what I want.

[coolgirl]

Eventually, at point I would like to date but I still don't know what I want. I'm not a social person so it is hard for me to meet people. So basically I've used POF. But I hear horror stories about that site. Keep in mind I don't want to date now or be in a relationship but eventually one day I do. Are there any good sites that have good decent people ? So I ruled out muslim men eventually I can't get along with them. I would like to find someone that I can talk too and get to know and if it developed into something more then great but I'm not in any rush. So the time that I have right now I'm just focusing on me and my priorities. One of the biggest problem i have in my life is Anxiety has taken over my life. Which it makes it difficult for me to see the good in people. I have my Anxiety issue with my trust issues. Yes, I have an appointment to seek therapy. That's taken care off. But the thought of being alone for the rest of my life is really kicking in. I'll probably die alone too. LOL Anyhow, just for future purposes if any one can recommend a good dating site with at least decent people then I'm for it. Has anyone been in a similar situation ? If so how did you deal with it ?

[Tinkyonks]

hi coolgirl.

 

I've met some really nice people on POF that im still friends with 4 years later, also my 1 good ex that just didnt work out and 1 bad ex. ive also joind paying dating sites and found the same mix although probably less variety, even tinder has its advantages because you dont have to worry about getting those awkward messages from people you dont fancy and 'do you reply or dont you' because either way you dont want to hurt anyones feelings! shish! sometimes it feels like hard work right?

 

so i guess what i am saying is, its not about the site, its about you, how good your creep radar is and what your neediness is, do you have neediness blinkers on that will stop you being able to make good judgements? or do you feel that you could sift through the people on there objectively?

 

i've read two books lately that i would recommend, they are really funny and excellent at getting us to look at things a little bit clearer build your self esteem and try to stop stressing about them. the first is 'he's just not that into you', the second is 'its just a f*****g date'. i recommend these 100% to get your dating barometer up to speed, then it wont matter which site you go on, or whether you meet someone in the supermarket or gym, you will be able to spot signs of who not to bother with and know who may be worth getting to know better....

 

on a different note, anxiety... ive also suffered from this in my life, and depression, and low self esteem and blar blar. Separate this from dating. This anxiety is about you, what you fear what you feel is out of your control, why you feel the need to control etc. anxiety is caused by us feeling that whatever it is thats triggering it is something that we personally are not able to handle, that its bigger than us, we dont have the skills to deal with it... really try to sit down and ask yourself what it is that triggers the anxiety? what are you afraid of?, break it down and then you can start to make a plan as to how you can change that.

 

secondly, if you believe the future is bleak, it will be. You need to start by believing that 1. the future is an open world of opportunity, opportunity to be who you want to be, have the job you want, live where you want, have the relationship you want. 2. you have to believe that you have the power to effect change in your life.

 

If you tell yourself you are powerless, you will be. Your brain does what you tell it to. Before you learned to take on what others thought of you, did your young baby self tell itself that it couldn't walk? couldn't talk? No, because when you were young you believed anything was possible... you tried to walk, fell down, got back up and tried again, over and over again... thats resilience, and thats what will get you through any difficult time you have. you get up and you try again

[Wiseman2]

It depends where you are also. Are you in Iran or a western country for example? Match is a pay site for more serious daters. Doesn't okc have a casual or just friends option? The problem with browsing but not dating is that you may be perceived as 'wasting time' or 'stringing along'.

I ruled out muslim men eventually I can't get along with them. I would like to find someone that I can talk too and get to know and if it developed into something more then great but I'm not in any rush.

[coolgirl]

It depends where you are also. Are you in Iran or a western country for example? Match is a pay site for more serious daters. Doesn't okc have a casual or just friends option? The problem with browsing but not dating is that you may be perceived as 'wasting time' or 'stringing along'.

 

No, I'm not from Iran. I live in Houston. That's what I'm trying to say Iranian men are to complicated to deal with. I was talking to some man from Iran for a year just to find out he's stringing me along all this time. That's why I decided not to deal with them anymore. And I don't want to be strung along. I don't want to be played with, I want at least someone decent and having trouble finding just that. I've had so many so many disappointments over the past 8 years of my life. I'm literally at my wits. My best friend is having her first baby, I'm happy for her it makes me sad that I dont. My cousin is getting married and I'm barley near it. My other cousin his 9 months old daughter that I barley spend time with is always in my arms this is torture for me. I don't have a good history of track record when it comes to dating. I literally dont. I swear sometimes I think I've done my dues and have been punished enough, why the h... am I still on earth. I just want to drop dead. I have nothing to look forward too anymore.