Kaykayxo Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Lately I have been struggling with wanting to have a healthy relationship with my partner however things in the past are constantly being brought up to surface. Most notably was a few months ago we were not on good terms and he posted inappropriate photos of me online and exposed me and my family (on Facebook for all to see). I forgave him at the time (before I even knew the extent of it, I never saw the posts before they were deleted.). However, it seems to keep coming back up. People will ask me if I am ok (not knowing I did not post those things), even today I went to search up an old employer and realized she had BLOCKED me...I chalked this up to she must have seen the posts because there is no other reason why she would do that. It is something that I want to forget because I know I chose to, and I don't want this resentment. He hasn't done anything hurtful since..it is just difficult when I am reminded of the incident to not want to feel angry all over again. It is conflicting because part of me does love him a lot, but there is also a nasty side that harbors resentment. I guess I just wonder if anyone has ever had something very wrong go on in their relationship that they forgave, and how you were able to get over that completely? I want to purge these feelings out of my system because I know he would not do this again. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 This is something you don't want to forget. This is something you should break up for and also consult law enforcement. You should not have questionable photos of yourself even in existence, but that's just me. However, if you do, there have been recent cases where courts have punished people for exposing sensitive photos as revenge. Who knows what he sent or said to people. You need to get as far away from this guy as possible - he is a vindictive and unsafe person. Link to comment
j.man Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Exposed you and your family? What kind of photos were they? Nudes? Or you looking more goofy than you'd like to be publicly seen? Link to comment
Kaykayxo Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 I never seen the pictures but they were ones I'd sent in private, I don't know if they were full on nudes. It basically looked like I'd gone loony and posted it all myself as well as a long rant about my home-life. They were personal details only he knew. I don't know what he was thinking..he has never done something like that before or after the fact and we never discussed it much. It was very bizarre and out of character. Like I said I tried to move on (partially before friends/family revealed just how bad it was, because I couldn't access my account for awhile after and never saw myself) however when I remember all the people that saw it and what they must think it gets me very upset. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 he is not a safe person. That is a criminal act. Please leave and don't look back! Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Surely you do know that once photos get online they will be there forever, somewhere, somehow. You have no idea how far around the world they have gone. Sending and sharing nude or risqué photos with others isn't a good idea. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I would have a serious problem with someone doing that. How about he sends an email and puts a post up on your Facebook page admitting he did the whole thing, and sends that out to a few people who you know were personally upset about it? Then maybe you could get past it, because he's taken responsibility for something that has now encroached into your professional as well as personal life. If he says no to that, you really may want to take another look at why you're staying with this guy. That kind of action is what we normally call sabotage and if he's done this, what else will he do. It's not something you should get over. It's something you should make him publicly apologize on your FB page for, admit he did it, and let it sit there that he did it. That's called damage control and making amends all in one piece. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Wow! Why in the world would you have anything to do with someone who is so vindictive and mean! And, your poor family!!! Your bf is evil. What's wrong with you? Why would you want someone like him in your life? What happens the next time you make him mad! What did he do for your birthday? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Eh? Why would you want to overlook something so disgustingly disrespectful? The photos are there virtually forever. Your boyfriend is a jerk-wad of the highest degree. There is no way I would consider staying with someone who treated me that badly. Get rid of him and get your self-esteem back. Link to comment
quirky Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I agree with the previous posts and with ParisPaulette that he should take some responsibility for his actions, own them and help you rebuild the trust - if that is what you want. I also think that the biggest issue is that "we never discussed it much".How can you forgive something you cannot understand? I think it will help to tell him how much this confused you, hurt you and affected your trust and how its effects are evident to this day. It will also help to hear his motivation or his apology/remorse. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 To most people this would not only be a giant red flag but a 100% deal breaker. It's vindictive and damaging to you...and you forgave him... and you took back. So many women take back abusers like this and it's unclear why. But often the excuses like "he's being nice now, I love him, etc". come up even when they are recovering from broken bones or gunshot wounds. Now you are left with the cleanup and damage control. "He hasn't done anything hurtful since", ok what about when he gets angry again? What kind of abusive tricks and surprises may he have up his sleeve next time? You do realize that this was maliciously intended to ruin your reputation and cause widespread humiliation and damage, right?we were not on good terms and he posted inappropriate photos of me online and exposed me and my family on Facebook for all to see. I forgave him at the time. even today I went to search up an old employer and realized she had BLOCKED me.He hasn't done anything hurtful since..it is just difficult when I am reminded of the incident to not want to feel angry all over again. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 If you want a healthy relationship, then you need to dump his ass and find a man who is capable of and wants a healthy relationship. You can't change this into a healthy relationship. he will do worse. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 And btw, I lost out on jobs and friends because of my ex. Don't put it past him to burn tons of your bridges - its control and abuse. RUN RUN RUN Link to comment
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