Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I just want an understanding as to why a guy will hold in all or majority of their emotions and feelings when it comes to their girlfriends... Not knowing that it could hurt the relationship in the end? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 It shouldn't hurt a good relationship. How do you know they are 'holding them in"? Maybe there is just not that much to gush and ooze about. Can you be less emotional, more versatile and fluent in different types of communication and talk about thoughts, opinions, facts, things, etc rather than always how you feel or they feel, etc? What about being objective sometimes and not so subjective? It's only fair to speak both "languages", no?I just want an understanding as to why a guy will hold in all or majority of their emotions and feelings when it comes to their girlfriends... Not knowing that it could hurt the relationship in the end? Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Could you be a little more specific? People are individuals and their motivations are different. You can't ask a generalization and expect anything but a (imo useless) generalization in return. Link to comment
JaredTheGhost Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 It shouldn't hurt a good relationship. How do you know they are 'holding them in"? Maybe there is just not that much to gush and ooze about. Can you be less emotional, more versatile and fluent in different types of communication and talk about thoughts, opinions, facts, things, etc rather than always how you feel or they feel, etc? What about being objective sometimes and not so subjective? It's only fair to speak both "languages", no? XD I love this and it couldn't be written any better. Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Not just a guy thing but: 1. Personality 2. Just not all that into their s/o Link to comment
greta96 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 They do express themselves, just in different ways. Have you read "The 5 love languages"? I haven't, but it keeps getting mentioned and from what I understand it talks about the various ways in which people express their feelings. Also, guys are not 'one size fits all'...some wear their hearts on their sleeves, some are stoic and think of emotions as weaknesses, and then you have everything in between. Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Could you be a little more specific? People are individuals and their motivations are different. You can't ask a generalization and expect anything but a (imo useless) generalization in return. Like besides him saying he "loves" you he chooses to spend time elsewhere or hardly ever chooses to go out of his way to show effort and when you ask why can't you have time and effort or even a simple call he doesn't have an answer or his excuse is work and time with the guys but stay reassuring that there's no one else... We both agreed to being together even if we live an hour apart but for some reason he always seems to be frustrated abt it and claims there's nothing wrong Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 They do express themselves, just in different ways. Have you read "The 5 love languages"? I haven't, but it keeps getting mentioned and from what I understand it talks about the various ways in which people express their feelings. Also, guys are not 'one size fits all'...some wear their hearts on their sleeves, some are stoic and think of emotions as weaknesses, and then you have everything in between. No I have not but I will look into it Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 That's the thing he rarely likes to communicate about us period he usually ignores the things I do that he doesn't like while I will bring up something he does that bothers me &I asked him to do the same bcuz I want to fix what I'm doing wrong but he just feels there's no need to make a big deal out of these things when they only build up and eventually damage the relationship. so I'm unsure about how to straighten things out without seeming like I'm constantly bringing up the same topic. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 It isn't a lack of communication if he states he would rather be with his friends, it's a lack of interest. Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may help you sort out guys that waste your time or string you along from guys that are interested in seeing you. Why not date local guys on campus? Like besides him saying he "loves" you he chooses to spend time elsewhere or hardly ever chooses to go out of his way to show effort and when you ask why can't you have time and effort or even a simple call he doesn't have an answer or his excuse is work and time with the guys Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Like besides him saying he "loves" you he chooses to spend time elsewhere or hardly ever chooses to go out of his way to show effort and when you ask why can't you have time and effort or even a simple call he doesn't have an answer or his excuse is work and time with the guys but stay reassuring that there's no one else... We both agreed to being together even if we live an hour apart but for some reason he always seems to be frustrated abt it and claims there's nothing wrong He just sounds lazy (imo) and can't be bothered. He's happy as things are and sees no reason to change. No effort needed. Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 It shouldn't hurt a good relationship. How do you know they are 'holding them in"? Maybe there is just not that much to gush and ooze about. Can you be less emotional, more versatile and fluent in different types of communication and talk about thoughts, opinions, facts, things, etc rather than always how you feel or they feel, etc? What about being objective sometimes and not so subjective? It's only fair to speak both "languages", no? That's the thing he rarely likes to communicate about us period he usually ignores the things I do that he doesn't like while I will bring up something he does that bothers me &I asked him to do the same bcuz I want to fix what I'm doing wrong but he just feels there's no need to make a big deal out of these things when they only build up and eventually damage the relationship. so I'm unsure about how to straighten things out without seeming like I'm constantly bringing up the same topic. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Like besides him saying he "loves" you he chooses to spend time elsewhere or hardly ever chooses to go out of his way to show effort and when you ask why can't you have time and effort or even a simple call he doesn't have an answer or his excuse is work and time with the guys but stay reassuring that there's no one else... We both agreed to being together even if we live an hour apart but for some reason he always seems to be frustrated abt it and claims there's nothing wrong Do you mean besides him NOT saying he loves you? As for the rest, this doesn't sound like a guy who can't express emotions/feelings. This sounds more like a guy who doesn't give a ****. Sorry. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Stop trying to fix things. Saying it repeatedly or more or louder won't help. He's telling you outright that your chronic complaining is damaging the relationship. It sounds like you're lonely in the relationship, he's busy, checked out, would rather be with friends and too busy to see you or talk with you. Make friends at college where you are now. Try to shift from this attachment and dependency. it sounds like he thinks things are fine, but really wants things on autopilot. I will bring up something he does that bothers me .he just feels there's no need to make a big deal out of these things when they only build up and eventually damage the relationship. Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 It isn't a lack of communication if he states he would rather be with his friends, it's a lack of interest. Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may help you sort out guys that waste your time or string you along from guys that are interested in seeing you. Why not date local guys on campus? This may be true but I don't understand if he's uniterested why he keeps wanting to visit more now that we aren't really together than when we were .. I'm confused. Also when it comes to the "friend" thing I feel he battles with loving me and wanting his freedom but I only feel like he's playing with my heart and I should just cut him off even though I'm in love with him because I honestly don't understand how a guy can ask a girl to stay friends with them after freshly breaking it off..........I'm just not interested in anyone on campus I annoy really social so meeting new guys is just not something I'm anxious to do. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 This may be true but I don't understand if he's uniterested why he keeps wanting to visit more . He likes the sex. Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Stop trying to fix things. Saying it repeatedly or more or louder won't help. He's telling you outright that your chronic complaining is damaging the relationship. It sounds like you're lonely in the relationship, he's busy, checked out, would rather be with friends and too busy to see you or talk with you. Make friends at college where you are now. Try to shift from this attachment and dependency. it sounds like he thinks things are fine, but really wants things on autopilot. Thank You so much I needed to hear this !! Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Are the two of you sexually active? Link to comment
Viceroy Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 That's a sweeping assessment to make about all guys. Perhaps your particular guy is new to the whole dating scene? If that's the case, talk with him and try and pry him open gently. Some guys are more emotional than others, nothing wrong with that. But if you feel that this is going to cause a problem, encourage him to open up with you about things on his mind. Maybe you two could try and go for evening walks, it's good talking time! Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 He likes the sex. But the sex has stopped for almost 2 months now Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Are the two of you sexually active? Haven't been for about 2 months Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Haven't been for about 2 months Any reason why? Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Any reason why? I feel it will only complicate things even more plus if we're "friends" I feel that shouldn't even be a factor.. but he still visits even more than before we broke up and it feels like we're together just with no sex so I'm confused Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 That's a sweeping assessment to make about all guys. Perhaps your particular guy is new to the whole dating scene? If that's the case, talk with him and try and pry him open gently. Some guys are more emotional than others, nothing wrong with that. But if you feel that this is going to cause a problem, encourage him to open up with you about things on his mind. Maybe you two could try and go for evening walks, it's good talking time! I would love that and when he visits we have no problem talking but it's when we're apart and we're an hour away so he's at work during my free time and I'm at school during his... So I become stressed over us not communicating and the easiest thing for him to do is ignore me Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 When did you break up? he still visits even more than before we broke up and it feels like we're together just with no sex so I'm confused Link to comment
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