Tinder is making me hate women

[RIPDIME]

I thought I'd set up a Tinder account again. This time I tried to take better photos, with my face clearly shown, with myself at a party, and a photo playing guitar with a contemplative look, and I tried to include a pretty straightforward biography of what I'm into and how I'd like to find someone I can go on adventures with or have conversations.. It's been over a day now, and despite swiping on 50-100 women, I haven't had a single match.

 

Being rejected has really made me think through society and myself. I always thought I was attractive. I've had various girls call me cute, or girls say that my face is incredibly unique, etc. I've overheard guys talking how girls are into me, but I don't notice, and my last girlfriend was hot. Sure, maybe I'm not quite a Brad Pitt, but I've even lost weight recently, have a better diet and certainly am more mentally balanced and open-minded than I ever was in the past.

 

My only conclusion is:

1) I am not actually attractive to women (atleast, anymore at the age of 27), and people lie, girls look at me for reasons other than I think, or people are just trying to be supportive and kind.

2) I need to wait longer..

3) I have long hair, and despite being in a fairly liberal place, girls are into what's popular and has 'status' and long hair doesn't today.

4) Pictures could be better.

 

This really confuses me, and makes me hateful and in a mood. I always thought that men were superficial, but in reality, watching all of the matches my ex-girlfriend gets out of nowhere, or talking to people my age who are somewhat attractive and great men who strike out on Tinder, means I apparently don't know how the universe works, and should re-evaluate how I appear to others. I swiped right on a girl from my class who I thought was into me, but to no avail.

 

I can't tell anymore WHAT women think of me. For a while I thought women were into me, but now that I think about it, I haven't been laid in a while, and I don't have women hitting on me left and right. I thought I was getting better at talking to women, and I was beginning to approach strangers and talk to them, but now my self-esteem has been fractured, and I don't know what I believe anymore.

 

Any thoughts or suggestions? I didn't want to go back to the bar scene, but I may have no choice, and I could keep swiping, but I don't want to swipe on hundreds of girls, some who I don't even find that attractive, which would inevitably destroy my self esteem and optimism about the world even further.

 

Maybe I should just give up on finding girls, and turn into Van Gogh?

[Liraele]

Maybe try something other than Tinder?

 

There's a dating site where I think you can propose date ideas (How About We?) - instead of relying on the superficial.

 

Also, you just need to give it more time. Maybe these people you swiped right on aren't that active all the time. Maybe they didn't also swipe right. Maybe they fell off a bridge because they were so excited you matched, and they didn't get a chance.

 

Who knows?

 

OLD takes patience, whatever app or service you use. Don't let it get you down.

[Wiseman2]

After one day on tinder don't cut your ear off just yet. It takes time. What about diversifying and getting a profile up on OKC, POF and a pay site like Match?

Maybe I should just give up on finding girls, and turn into Van Gogh?

[nutbrownhare]

What are you looking for, exactly?

 

It's only been a day... just hang on in there...

[RayF]

Women are more photograph wise superficial yes... And what i mean by that is based on PHOTOS. Because men are more visual, women are attracted to a man more emotionally than physically (though looks play a part yes)/. Most men look at looks first and then beyond that.

 

That is why in person you will find girls liking you more, they nee to see how you act, speak, walk and make them FEEL. Girls are the worst when it comes to looking at photos of a guy. I've seen this first hand. And the super attractive ones usually are not spending a lot of time on tinder because they don't need to be.

 

This is also why Grinder works the way it does so well but Tinder is not quite the same thing.

 

For me Tinder is a game. I swipe hundreds of girls all the time. Probably for every 100 i swipe 20 match. of the 20 10 I will actually like on second glance and message. 3 of the 10 will reply, 1 of the three will actually turn into a date.

 

And that's it. Rinse, cycle, repeat...

 

Of the date one in every 5 or so will turn into date two, one in every 2 or 3 of date two will lead to more dates or to sex.

 

Odds suck, but tinder is unnatural... it's not like meeting in person and attracting in person. So your odds are bad you can not take it personal.

 

My advice, do tinder, do bumble, happen, inner circle, OK cupid and The League. Have them all running. Send a few hours one day a week swiping hard and then set it and forget it, the results will come in over the next couple weeks... then they will dry up.

 

Then you go again.

 

It's not for the faint of heart so you need to not take it too seriously.

[Clio]

Tinder is perceived as hook up oriented by most so the girl in your class might not want to start off something with a classmate through there. Other than that, it sounds like you are being impatient and quite superficial yourself. Both tinder and the bar scene are more about hook ups. Plus, given that you mentioned keeping tabs on your ex's activities, it might be that you are not giving off the best of vibes...Maybe you should try other means of meeting new girls, preferably through a hobby that you enjoy.

[nutbrownhare]

If there's a girl in your class who you like, and you think likes you, why don't you just ask her out?

[JaredTheGhost]

Haha, I love your attitude. Tinder is a joke to begin with and your match results have nothing to do with you being good looking or not. If women are looking at you in public and you've been called adorable, cute, etc .. Then just accept the fact that maybe the picture doesn't show how you appear in person. I look terrible in my pictures compared to in person. Don't let this knock your self esteem. I know many attractive men and women who got no action on tinder. Give it more time, or try a less provocative dating app, because tinder is for people who only wish to sleep around and you're basically inviting a high five with aids disease ... >____>

[shessofly]

I thought Tinder was a hook-up site? Maybe try Match or EHarmony if you're looking for something serious. If it's making you bitter, step away from the app.

[RayF]

Tinder is not really a hook up site anymore. Honestly it's kind of replaced Match and all that... I know a few people who met off Tinder. One of the girls I'm seeing is a quality person we met on Tinder.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think the answer to not being able to find a woman on an online site is to go try to find a woman on another online site.

 

I'd suggest getting away from your computer and putting your efforts into real life. It forces your social skills - a thing that's lost nowadays.

[RayF]

 

This really confuses me, and makes me hateful and in a mood. I always thought that men were superficial, but in reality, watching all of the matches my ex-girlfriend gets out of nowhere, or talking to people my age who are somewhat attractive and great men who strike out on Tinder, means I apparently don't know how the universe works, and should re-evaluate how I appear to others. I swiped right on a girl from my class who I thought was into me, but to no avail.

 

I can't tell anymore WHAT women think of me. For a while I thought women were into me, but now that I think about it, I haven't been laid in a while, and I don't have women hitting on me left and right. I thought I was getting better at talking to women, and I was beginning to approach strangers and talk to them, but now my self-esteem has been fractured, and I don't know what I believe anymore.

 

 

Been there, done that. Trust me. I've always been told I'm good looking and have attracted a lot of girls mostly in person, have generally picked my battles wisely so have not faced a ton of outright rejection but yeah I struggle online. But it's just the way it is.

 

Ive also settled for girls I felt less attractive than ones in the past (though one of them I fell so hard in love with and still do think she is the most beautiful creature on the planet so I would not have a closed mind about things either).

 

 

The problem is when it rains it pours, but when it's not raining it's a damn drought. Its hard to get out of that. And then when the self doubt gets in your mind you are not attractive to anyone. You don't radiate a sexual energy and you turn people off. It's such an easy trap to fall into.

 

It's WAY WAY easier to be a girl and attract mates (not saying quality mates or good men, everyone has it tough, but men in general). Men are supposed to do all the work and will shamelessly and continuously approach women, women who are not super attractive will still get cattle calls which obviously is annoying and disrespectful but nearly as damaging to the self esteem as the guy who never gets any attention.

 

If you are a guy who's a bit tasteful, self aware, picky and values a genuine interaction it's even harder to meet women. Especially if you are just not a person who naturally talks to strangers.

 

So again it just limits your options and yes while you have quality over quantity it means long dry spells.

 

Not getting laid in awhile can mess you up, it messes up your self esteem a lot and makes you feel undesirable as a man. That's why a lot of guys will screw anything that crosses their paths, I've never really been into that but God knows I know what the dry spell does to you.

 

So my advice...

 

1) Read above with Tinder and ALL of the sites. Use them all.. it just opens more doors... it has worked for me.

2) Keep your expectations LOW. With Tinder, with new girls you meet, with the cute girl who you feel a sexual tension with at work, with the girl you have been with for just a fee months etc.

3) Numbers, numbers... It's hard. I hate doing it I really do, I'm much more of a one woman man. However I know I will never find the woman if I'm not happy an if I'm in a depressive dry spell so I always try to keep several girls at arms length. But do be respectful and honest with them that you are not after anything serious. Don't mislead them but be yourself.

4) Get out there, work, happy hours, friends, dinners, clubs, going for coffee on your own on Saturday. Dress up for no reason, get your confidence high. It is better if you meet women in real life, this may not continually happen but it will happen sometimes if you're out there.

[mgsportsfan252]

Tinder has become more of a gratification tool for girls. I got a decent amount of matches but most of them either didn't respond or they would lead to boring conversations (1-3 words answers). Don't take it too personally have fun with it if you want to continue using it. Don't put too much pressure on yourself on tinder.

 

Like others have said, try using match or OKcupid. I've had much more success on those sites and much more intersting girls willing to have a conversation and meet up (and not just for a hookup).

 

And of course, don't use this as your only dating gateway. Don't forget, there's a big world out there and plenty of girls not using those dating apps because they had to deal with the idiots that send "DTF?" type messages over and over.

[Ms Darcy]

Tinder has become more of a gratification tool for girls. I got a decent amount of matches but most of them either didn't respond or they would lead to boring conversations (1-3 words answers).

 

I think this type of attitude about the opposite gender is like sour grapes. I've seen women say the same things about men.

 

In reality, no real generalizations can be made about anyone based on a few people's online activities.

[RayF]

Ms Darcy brings up a good point. This thread is a bit skewed from a male perspective but it's so true... finding good guys on Tinder for women may be even WORSE than it is for men.

 

They are jerks, totally after sex, rude or otherwise terrible. I recently went on a date with a nice French woman who in text before we met was like "seriously what's wrong with you? You seem to good to be true". On the date she showed me the kind of responses she would get.. horrifying I felt terrible for her...

 

The more accurate way to say things is that Online dating /tinder kind of sucks for all...

 

I still stand by it though and this is through years of experience, and seeing my female friends use this thing... women are way, WAY more superficial online than they are in person. I do find that generally men are more liberal with reaching out to girls or giving girls a shot, but as many have pointed out they might not exactly be gentlemen.

[notalady]

Well if you use Tinder which doesn't give you any flexibility to show people who you are and what you're looking for, other than some photos, it's hard not to lead to superficial results (people deciding to contact you or not only based on photos and nothing else).

 

I've tried Tinder before for 1-2 weeks then stopped using it, there were a decent number of matches, but the guys were not interested in having a conversation or the conversation is very boring and short, which led me to conclude that that's just how Tinder is, most people are not on there for the specific purpose of looking for a serious relationship. Frankly, I don't know why they are on there and why they are matching but not conversing nor trying to meet, probably boredom. But I can tell you it's not just the men or the women, it's everybody.

 

Only once, out of I don't know how many matches, led to a lunch meet, and there was no chemistry in person. This is oppose to many contacts and a about one to two meets a week with interesting guys I met on OKC and another local dating site. So really, Tinder is a poor investment of your time if you are looking for anything serious.

[mgsportsfan252]

I think this type of attitude about the opposite gender is like sour grapes. I've seen women say the same things about men.

 

In reality, no real generalizations can be made about anyone based on a few people's online activities.

 

I'm not disagreeing with your side of it either. I know guys that use it for sleazy hookups and that's it. I wouldn't blame women for being picky on the site if they have to go through multiple messages that say "hey come over let's have sex." That gets tiring as well. And like others have said, it's superficial in nature so obviously that will be the outcome.

 

In the end, actually going out and meeting people is your best bet and if needed using a dating site like match or OKC (those two I've had the best luck with) you can use as a fallback.

[FlashEng1]

OP, have you really used up all of your Tinder likes?? I see you've estimated 50-100, but have you actually run out of wipes? If you haven't, then keep swiping. The limit isn't 100, it's dynamic and account specific. Tinder does not release this publicly.

 

If you HAVE ran out of likes.. Then great! Welcome to the family!! A couple of coworker friends and I will actually get together and swipe right on every profile just because we understand the system a bit better. And after exhausting our limit, we are lucky to get maybe 5 matches that day. Some pay for the app to get unlimited swipes, with still only a handful. And we're a group of fairly attractive men. However, do that again on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... By Friday, the profiles you've swiped on Monday, MAY actually open and check their Tinder, and you MIGHT start getting swipes/matches right back.

 

 

You must build momentum in everything you do. To expect results after day 1 is not only setting yourself up for failure and disappointment, it often begs the question (in ANY subject): "Are you sure you're ready for this?" ... I mean... after 1 day you're having such an introspection? This happens across the board. I've worked as a developer with certain app companies (dating/match/algorithms) and as support with others so maybe it'll shed a little light for you. I can tell you this much:

 

- Enter EVERYTHING online with a grain of salt. Even the advice I'm giving you!

- Momentum rules over success right out of the gate. We all have our bad times. Having profiles across the board, I'll go some days where I have to turn off my phone's alarms because I'm getting random POF Matches and messages. Other days it's OKC. Others it's nothing for weeks anywhere.. Valentines is right around the corner, this can have a psychological effect on the profiles you're swiping as well, as maybe they have real life interests they'd rather pursue with the season of romance quickly approaching... but again, see tip #1.

- In a world where you can swipe through nearly a hundred people in under 5 minutes, you can be picky about ANY thing and everything! There's literally no telling really why you do or do not have success online in your particular area. The best way to get insight is as Ms. Darcy has said in going out and actually attempting to meet others in social events.

 

 

This is what comes to mind when reading your post. But honestly, if you're walking away with this type of mentality, I think there's some fundamental things you may want to work on before reaching out to dating online.

[RayF]

I have a different perspective on it guys... Listen I hate tinder I'm not saying it's an amazing thing or anything but I have to say I find it better than Match and OK cupid for one reason and one alone...

 

You use it to "briefly" screen someone and meet up ASAP. That's it. Meet up, not hook up (unless that's what you are after).

 

You don't need to know someone's life story.. you need to see if they respond with 1-2 lines of general chitchat to see if they are normal an then meet up in person.

 

Why?

 

Well think about it, When you see an attractive guy or girl across the table at a coffee shop what happens?

 

 

You make eye contact, you approach her, you say hi and talk a bit and see if there is a rapport there and see if you feel a physical and mental attraction. Then you ask them out and get to know them on the date. Find out their likes and dislikes.

 

When you go on OK Cupid you read a paragraph about someone's life story and go and judge them by their profile likes and dislikes and check them against your long "list"... or decide he's maybe too short for you so he's filtered out by default when in real life you may not even notice he is an inch shorter than your general settings because he's cute and there is chemistry.

 

The guy at the end of the table in the coffee shop is not wearing a T shirt saying "I hate camping and am a cat person"... Well unless you live in Brooklyn maybe

 

So you need to find the out in person. Chances are if you connect and are having a good time you may not even care if he hates camping because he's making you laugh your ass off.

 

You can't tell attraction behind a screen, the sooner you connect in person the sooner you will know if you hit it off. Tinder is much better for this.

[limichelle]

Any site can be used for hookups it really doesn't matter which one. I was on okcupid just out of curiosity and lonlieness. Well I was messaged by guys but they didn't keep the conversation going, I would respond and then 20 minutes later I get their response and then it fades. Well it was all the usual "Hi" that was it and so you of course respond back with hi and then you get the how are you? And then the conversation dies.

 

However one guy I'm going on a date with at the end of this month. He broke the ice by sending me a really corny joke.

I thought this guy is fun! The first thing he put was that joke. It made me laugh, become intrigued and interested in getting to know him better.

 

Maybe you should think of creative things to say that represent your personality and your humor?

Or you could say something about their profile that caught your eye?

 

There sometimes, not all the time mind you is only so far a how are you can go?

 

Hi,

Hi

How are you?

Good, how are you?

Good

What are you up to tonight?

Nothing, you?

Nothing.....

 

Cricket silence follows... lol

 

 

Lisa

[notalady]

I have a different perspective on it guys... Listen I hate tinder I'm not saying it's an amazing thing or anything but I have to say I find it better than Match and OK cupid for one reason and one alone...

 

You use it to "briefly" screen someone and meet up ASAP. That's it. Meet up, not hook up (unless that's what you are after).

 

You don't need to know someone's life story.. you need to see if they respond with 1-2 lines of general chitchat to see if they are normal an then meet up in person.

 

Why?

 

Well think about it, When you see an attractive guy or girl across the table at a coffee shop what happens?

 

 

You make eye contact, you approach her, you say hi and talk a bit and see if there is a rapport there and see if you feel a physical and mental attraction. Then you ask them out and get to know them on the date. Find out their likes and dislikes.

 

When you go on OK Cupid you read a paragraph about someone's life story and go and judge them by their profile likes and dislikes and check them against your long "list"... or decide he's maybe too short for you so he's filtered out by default when in real life you may not even notice he is an inch shorter than your general settings because he's cute and there is chemistry.

 

The guy at the end of the table in the coffee shop is not wearing a T shirt saying "I hate camping and am a cat person"... Well unless you live in Brooklyn maybe

 

So you need to find the out in person. Chances are if you connect and are having a good time you may not even care if he hates camping because he's making you laugh your ass off.

 

You can't tell attraction behind a screen, the sooner you connect in person the sooner you will know if you hit it off. Tinder is much better for this.

 

That's a great way of using Tinder and technically you are right in equating it to seeing someone across in a coffee shop, except there seems to be way more people on there just out of boredom, looking for hook up, or whatever else, and it doesn't take much effort to set it up (as opposed to having to put thought into writing a profile), so you have a lot more filtering to do.

[RIPDIME]

So let me first off (I reply to quotes below) explain maybe why I am so frustrated. Last night I got a match. She's a cute/cool girl who I know of. She sends me an emoticon I reply and send my own. No response. So I message her today asking how her afternoon was. She replies, so I reply with something reasonable. No response. Now I notice I have no messages, she's no longer there, and I am back to square one.. Why exactly are girls so fickle? Does every word have to be custom tailored to their perfect liking to buy you another line of response? This is ridiculous.. Since I've started trying to meet girls in public since the end of the summer, 1) I meet a girl at a bar, and we talk the evening, find out that her boyfriend is one of the guys hanging out and he almost beats me up. 2) A girl talks with me at a mattress shop. I meet up with her and turns out she's, 'asexual'. 3) I get drunk and have sex with a girl I am not attracted to and regret it. 4) Meet a girl, turns out she doesn't know if she's dating a guy or not, ends up stringing me along for a couple months. She said she broke up with her boyfriend, so we were going on a third date this weekend, until she says yesterday 'sorry I got back with my boyfriend' (I think she's lying, by the way). As you can see I'm pretty frustrated and perplexed by women. Cats are easier to please/figure out.

 

But anyways, here's a response to some people:

 

Odds suck, but tinder is unnatural... it's not like meeting in person and attracting in person. So your odds are bad you can not take it personal.

Okay, but why can't you take it personally? The more matches you get, the more personally attractive you are to women, right?

Both tinder and the bar scene are more about hook ups. Plus, given that you mentioned keeping tabs on your ex's activities, it might be that you are not giving off the best of vibes...

Do you think that having my ex as a friend creates bad vibes or is noticeable? I'm sure I'm not giving off the best vibes otherwise, though, especially because besides being desperate and lonely, now I feel rejected and angry.

 

If there's a girl in your class who you like, and you think likes you, why don't you just ask her out?

I've seen her staring at me, but, how would I go about this? Turn around and talk about something random with her behind me? I'm not very good at this. There's this cute girl who stares at me, and when we were moving tables the other day, she said something to me about moving the tables.. Seems like something might be there, I wonder what I should do?

 

because tinder is for people who only wish to sleep around and you're basically inviting a high five with aids disease ... >____>

 

That's my problem. While I originally wanted to sleep around and get back into the field after breaking up, now that that hasn't panned out, I even would settle for a relationship. I guess that's the problem with recreational sex, there's always risks..

 

I'd suggest getting away from your computer and putting your efforts into real life. It forces your social skills - a thing that's lost nowadays.

 

As I said above, I've been trying. I could be trying more than I am, true, but it gets weird going out to bars alone again and again, and talking to strangers.

The problem is when it rains it pours, but when it's not raining it's a damn drought. Its hard to get out of that. And then when the self doubt gets in your mind you are not attractive to anyone. You don't radiate a sexual energy and you turn people off. It's such an easy trap to fall into.

 

That's how it feels right now. I can remember lots of instances, especially when I was taken, where girls seemed quite into me, and there were lots of girls around who back then I could have (but was too shy) talked to.. Now it seems like they're nowhere to be found.

 

Why does the universe work in the way that if you want something, if you desire and crave, and try putting effort in, it doesn't work? That's just depressing, and now that I know these states of mind exist, it's very hard to think myself out of desiring or wanting what I don't have.

 

If you are a guy who's a bit tasteful, self aware, picky and values a genuine interaction it's even harder to meet women. Especially if you are just not a person who naturally talks to strangers.

Shouldn't that mean you're higher value, and should be more attractive? Or do girls really go for slobs or the average or the sleazy?

 

Not getting laid in awhile can mess you up, it messes up your self esteem a lot and makes you feel undesirable as a man. That's why a lot of guys will screw anything that crosses their paths, I've never really been into that but God knows I know what the dry spell does to you.

You've had dry spells? It's terrible.

 

1) Read above with Tinder and ALL of the sites. Use them all.. it just opens more doors... it has worked for me.

Okay, I'll give that a try.

 

2) Keep your expectations LOW. With Tinder, with new girls you meet, with the cute girl who you feel a sexual tension with at work, with the girl you have been with for just a fee months etc.

Don't get obsessed or put too much desire into others?

4) Get out there, work, happy hours, friends, dinners, clubs, going for coffee on your own on Saturday. Dress up for no reason, get your confidence high. It is better if you meet women in real life, this may not continually happen but it will happen sometimes if you're out there.

 

Trying and persisting in that. Starting to go to the gym, and trying to join the clubs. Honestly, it seems like I'm improving myself and putting effort in, and yet I don't seem to reap ANYTHING, and that can apply to other areas of my life too.

[KantSleep]

Online dating never worked for me. The only guy I dated from POF turned out to be a liar and a major loser. He couldn't hold a job and started hitting me up for money. That's when I ran for the door. I don't want to completely dismiss it though, because I have heard of many success stories. It is a numbers game and you have to grow a thick skin. I had one guy I met online abandon me in the parking lot where we agreed to meet. I guess I wasn't his type. Talk about a bone crushing humiliation. But then I thought, Karma will get him someday, so I moved on. But all this "rejection" can mess with your head. All I can say is don't let it. Know your value, know you are a good guy and keep plugging away. If you relax about things and stress less over all of this, I bet someone will come your way... Good luck.

[albie]

So let me first off (I reply to quotes below) explain maybe why I am so frustrated. Last night I got a match. She's a cute/cool girl who I know of. She sends me an emoticon I reply and send my own. No response. So I message her today asking how her afternoon was. She replies, so I reply with something reasonable. No response. Now I notice I have no messages, she's no longer there, and I am back to square one.. Why exactly are girls so fickle? Does every word have to be custom tailored to their perfect liking to buy you another line of response? This is ridiculous.. Since I've started trying to meet girls in public since the end of the summer, 1) I meet a girl at a bar, and we talk the evening, find out that her boyfriend is one of the guys hanging out and he almost beats me up. 2) A girl talks with me at a mattress shop. I meet up with her and turns out she's, 'asexual'. 3) I get drunk and have sex with a girl I am not attracted to and regret it. 4) Meet a girl, turns out she doesn't know if she's dating a guy or not, ends up stringing me along for a couple months. She said she broke up with her boyfriend, so we were going on a third date this weekend, until she says yesterday 'sorry I got back with my boyfriend' (I think she's lying, by the way). As you can see I'm pretty frustrated and perplexed by women. Cats are easier to please/figure out.

 

But anyways, here's a response to some people:

 

 

Okay, but why can't you take it personally? The more matches you get, the more personally attractive you are to women, right?

 

Do you think that having my ex as a friend creates bad vibes or is noticeable? I'm sure I'm not giving off the best vibes otherwise, though, especially because besides being desperate and lonely, now I feel rejected and angry.

 

 

I've seen her staring at me, but, how would I go about this? Turn around and talk about something random with her behind me? I'm not very good at this. There's this cute girl who stares at me, and when we were moving tables the other day, she said something to me about moving the tables.. Seems like something might be there, I wonder what I should do?

 

 

 

That's my problem. While I originally wanted to sleep around and get back into the field after breaking up, now that that hasn't panned out, I even would settle for a relationship. I guess that's the problem with recreational sex, there's always risks..

 

 

 

As I said above, I've been trying. I could be trying more than I am, true, but it gets weird going out to bars alone again and again, and talking to strangers.

 

 

That's how it feels right now. I can remember lots of instances, especially when I was taken, where girls seemed quite into me, and there were lots of girls around who back then I could have (but was too shy) talked to.. Now it seems like they're nowhere to be found.

 

Why does the universe work in the way that if you want something, if you desire and crave, and try putting effort in, it doesn't work? That's just depressing, and now that I know these states of mind exist, it's very hard to think myself out of desiring or wanting what I don't have.

 

 

Shouldn't that mean you're higher value, and should be more attractive? Or do girls really go for slobs or the average or the sleazy?

 

 

You've had dry spells? It's terrible.

 

 

Okay, I'll give that a try.

 

 

Don't get obsessed or put too much desire into others?

 

 

Trying and persisting in that. Starting to go to the gym, and trying to join the clubs. Honestly, it seems like I'm improving myself and putting effort in, and yet I don't seem to reap ANYTHING, and that can apply to other areas of my life too.

 

 

Man, you complain too much. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go out.Pick a weekend and go to to a mall/shops/bar or anywhere else public and just say "Hi" to about 100 women. Do that with a smile on your face. Don't pick and chose the women. Say hi to even the ones you don't find attractive. Can you do that ?

[mgsportsfan252]

One thing that helped me is to not put too much pressure when it comes to online dating. Treat it as a secondary option to meeting someone in person. If you match up with someone, have a quick convo to see if there is a spark and then try to set up a date and see where it goes. If it goes well, great if not, no big deal because you know you can meet someone else in the future that you will click with (either online or in person).