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So I met a guy at a party long time back, we recently got to talking though. Everything has been going okay, we are to meet next weekend to hang out etc, as we both have the weekend off.


Anyway we've just been texting about small talk/funny stuff etc, but the convo led to a strange place, like sorta dirty, but not entirely(neither of us really brought it there intentionally). Just something funny in the news that led to him asking why I knew what something that was kinda kinky meant. I just laughed and said I saw it on tv once and he said (I think jokingly) that he's very kinky.


I know it sounds mild and I'll probably ignore it bc I don't want to sexualiz the convo before our date, it's always been a mistake in my experience. But my question is, is that a bad sign? Does him saying that mean he's not serious about this/just wants a hook up? Or is that just regular flirting/being attracted to me as the convo progresses? I just don't wanna put myself in a situation of where the guy is out for sex and I didn't read the signs correctly.

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To me it sounds like he was flirting a bit, 'pushing the envelope" to see how far he could go.... and how far YOU would take it.


I wouldn't fault him for this, if you don't wish to "go there" just yet before you meet, that is perfectly fine, just ignore the comment and move on to another topic.


If he continues to "push," to me that would be a red flag and would reconsider meeting him.

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I mean I'm not gonna hook up with him etc first time I meet him, I'm looking for something more serious, so I'll ignore this comment from him.


But I guess my question is, does him saying a comment like this indicate that he's not serious? Doesn't him trying to push the envelope and see how Far I let him go make him a guy who's just looking for fun? Or is this behavior just normal? I just don't wanna miss a red flag and keep seeing someone only to find out much later on when i really like him that he was just looking for a hook up from the start.

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I know what your question was. And no one here is a psychic. Bringing binoculars to hunt for red flags is no way to date. Sounds awful, in fact. All you know is what you want and what you're comfortable with. Sustain those boundaries and those men who find them agreeable will stick around, and those who wouldn't won't.


I see this question most from women who aren't comfortable with sex without a commitment but would like to still have sex prior to it with some kind of guarantee it'll still happen. Bottom line is if you're that type of gal, don't put out until you're committed unless the sex itself is worth it on its own.


But if some kind of consensus is what you're after, it seems to be that the guy was fairly mild with his flirting. Don't think too much and use your noggin. If he starts bringing up sex 10 times during the date like that one guy did, it's a pretty solid hint.

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Hard to tell... your best bet is to hang out with him and see how he is in person, and if more red flags pop up.

Sometimes, people are more daring hidden behind screens and in the privacy of their homes, but in person they end up being shy and harmless.


I think a lot of guys will try to gauge what they can get away with, and based on the answers they get they will adjust their opinions/approach. Had you continued that particular conversation it would have probably turned sexual, and some women would have been fine with that. It's up to you to state your boundaries, but I think an in-person meet is necessary for that to happen.

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Jman-okay that's a very good point, you're right. I'll just meet him till then and stick to my boundaries. If he stays, then great he can accept it. Very true, thanks!! And yeah you're right, I'm not a big fan of casual hook ups.


Greta-yeah you're right, it's too soon to tell. I'll just blow off his comment and meet him in person and see how it goes.


Thanks you guys!

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