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Slept with one of my best friends and now my head's all over the place


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I've been close to this guy at uni for a couple of years, and have had a crush on him pretty much since before we even talked. He's funny, charming, and all-round adorable. We started out as part of a friendship circle, which has since disbanded, but we only grew really close in summer 2015, when he was messaging me a lot after a breakup. He got back in a relationship and we stayed really good friends, I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to destroy our friendship, and also because I was happy for him, and really did not feel jealous.


A few months ago he broke up again. At the end of last term he started asking me if I was going out drinking a lot, and over Christmas he asked if he could come down and stay at my parent's place. Of course, I was fine with that.


So last week he came down. He got my parent's involved in some drinking games, and the two of us went to a club in a nearby city. We ended up getting stupidly drunk and got kicked out of the club, and wandered around trying to get out of the rain while waiting for the bus home. We made out at the bus stop.

I was out of my head so don't remember too much, but on the bus he asked me if I could spoon with him. He asked how big my own bed was, and we agreed we'd stay together in the spare room. I remember him saying he didn't care how long it would take to get home, as long as we could snuggle.


When we got back we stripped off to a t-shirt and boxers and got into bed, but started making out and some other stuff happened. We were too drunk to do much but ended up falling asleep, spooning and naked from the waist down.


We spooned and cuddled the next morning, up until 12, as well, and he seemed fine with that. I got out of bed to turn off an alarm in my room, and got back into bed with him, and he went to the toilet and got back into bed as well. He just messed around on his phone while I was on his chest, and put a pic of me as a toddler on his Snapchat story. He did apologise for making out but I said we were both messes. My Dad saw me leaving the spare room, so I think my parents feel we're more than friends haha, but they seem to adore him already.


We got the train back to uni that afternoon, we didn't talk about it but nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but I can't help feeling like things are awkward. Nothing seems out of place, things are the same as they were before. We haven't seen each other since we got back but that's not unusual and he's still replying to messages straight away. But things feel awkward.


I can't get him out of my head now. I want to give him some space, but I also want to see him and talk to him. I want to know where I stand, if I was a rebound, if I was just a drunk mistake or if there's something more. I can't think why he'd feel anything more, but I've always had really mixed signals from him and I'm scared that if I ask him it will ruin our friendship, and that feels it'd be worse than not having something more. But I can't stop thinking about him.


I know he likes another guy at uni, who he has met up with since he's been back, but he kept bringing him up on the bus into town and saying he felt this guy wanted a relationship and he didn't want that. I know he went out drinking last night and I just felt lonely.


I have no idea what to do. I feel like I have to speak to him but I want to give him some space if things ARE awkward. I don't want to ruin our friendship. Thanks!

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He's probably having the same types of thoughts you are, wondering if it's okay to bring up the topic. I think it would be best if you two met up over coffee and talked about what happened. Just explain what you've explained here -- that you value the friendship and definitely don't want things to be awkward, but you're not sure where you stand and want to know what he's thinking.

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