Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 My bf broke up with me after 4 years of long distance.. because of the "nagging" made him feel less than and stressed.. when really all I was doing was telling him to communicate.... He stopped coaching a kids team and became interested in making beats with a few of his guy friends at a studio with ALL of his free time before/after work... Meanwhile I barely get to see him but once or twice a month.. So he decided to break it off so he won't have to hear my mouth abt him spending all of his free time when he's not at work with them.. Am I wrong for wanting my time !? That was in November and I stopped contacting him until January he "missed" me so he came to see me and the visit seemed like we were in a relationship still plus he wanted to be reassured that I was not interested in anyone else.. informing me tht he wasn't.. So when he leaves he says we're working on us the next day he calls me his gf we eventually have a disagreement the next day because I was still confused on what we were to eachother and he says he just wants to hang with his friends without the extra but we can go back to how it was before if I feel some type of way.. When I only asked a question and he replies this is why we are just friends!!!! Today is Thursday and I haven't spoken to him Since that convo on Monday... am I supposed to think.. .... Need males advice in particular ! He's 22 btw and I'm 21 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Why were you long distance? It sounds like he's not too interested and his waning desire to spend time with you reveals that. LDRs are difficult. It sounds like he wants his freedom but would be ok with fwb or occasional hookups when he feels like visiting.My bf broke up with me after 4 years of long distance.. he decided to break it off so he won't have to hear my mouth abt him spending all of his free time when he's not at work with them.. January he "missed" me so he came to see me and the visit seemed like we were in a relationship. he says he just wants to hang with his friends. I only asked a question and he replies this is why we are just friends! Link to comment
gebaird Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Am I wrong for wanting my time !? No, you're not wrong for wanting this--perfectly natural in a relationship context to want to spend time with your significant other--but it doesn't seem that you're going to get it from him. When you're with a guy who loves and wants you, there's no need to beg and nag him to spend time with you. As hard as it might be, your best option is probably to block him and move on. A relationship shouldn't feel like a constant uphill battle. There should be moments of joy along the way, and one person shouldn't be doing all the heavy lifting. You may be holding on because you were so young when the relationship started (a 4-year relationship at your age represents 20% of your life), and because it once was good. But you deserve better than to be treated like this, and it's unlikely that he will change. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 People in their 20's go through a lot of rapid changes, so it's extraordinarily rare for high school romances to last through that. Sounds exactly like what's happening here. His interests and priorities are shifting to other things and the relationship is no longer viable. Sure you will miss each other because you were together for a such a long time, but as others said, best you do a clean break up, no more contact, no more visits and simply move on. Don't demote yourself to an occasional fck buddy where when he is bored and wants a break from the guys and has a itch to scratch he comes over to visit, tells you some bs and then leaves again. Spare yourself the mess and the pain and the confusion of that. It will hurt, but think ripping off the band aid thing. Do it quickly and ultimately it hurts less and you heal and move on faster. Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 We were long distance because I eventually moved about an hour away after high school to go to a university while he stayed home and went to a jc Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Why were you long distance? It sounds like he's not too interested and his waning desire to spend time with you reveals that. LDRs are difficult. It sounds like he wants his freedom but would be ok with fwb or occasional hookups when he feels like visiting. We were long distance because I eventually moved about an hour away after high school to go to a university while he stayed home and went to a jc.. he used to catch the bus to me which would take over 2-3 hours and vice versa but now tht he's working and has a car and my mother has moved out of state the visits became less Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 We were long distance because I eventually moved about an hour away after high school to go to a university while he stayed home and went to a jc .....an hour is not long distance...... Link to comment
Vfay75 Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 .....an hour is not long distance...... It might not be as intense as living in different states and countries but not having transportation and seeing eachother once a month makes it LD to me Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 It sounds like he's too young to be tied down and wants his freedom to do what he wants. You should both take this opportunity to enjoy college and campus life and all the people places and things that are new interesting and offer more life experiences. Maybe you've outgrown him and should date some guys at your college. I eventually moved about an hour away after high school to go to a university while he stayed home and went to a jc.. now tht he's working and has a car Link to comment
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