corilemon1112 Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 We started hanging out back in November. Everything was great for about the first 2-3 weeks (of course) He was everything I wanted and he appeared to be really in to me. We didn't talk about what we wanted out of the relationship until 2 weeks in. We had sex on the second date (I've known him before this....we just never hung out) So I was fully open to either trying to make it a relationship or keeping it as just what it was. Essentially sex and occasional friends. Nothing too personal if he didn't want. He said he wanted a relationship....so we agreed to work towards that. Anyways. After the third week, he suddenly became too busy to hang out as much, didn't text as much, and overall didn't seem to have any interest in me. It sucked at first but I took it as a hint to move on. Since we aren't officially together it wasn't a huge deal and we weren't exactly obligated to do anything with each other. so I moved on, sort of. I started dating other people (but was only having sex with him) I started seeing these people just assuming he had moved on and honestly I didn't enjoy the fact that he was too busy for me, so I was basically over it. We did still hang out sometimes and we still continued to have sex and whatever. I haven't asked if he has been seeing someone else during these times he doesn't respond to me and I don't care...I don't tell him I'm seeing other people either. We haven't been that close yet. The other night I was hanging with a guy friend and "my guy" acted as if I was doing something wrong....like it bothered him that I was with another guy. He didn't admit to being mad but I could tell it bothered him. If it really bothers him why hasn't he actually tried to make this more official? Or why does he seem to not have time for me? I was for sure that he was just pulling away from me but every now and again he will pop up acting as sweet and nice and lovey as he did when we first met. I understand he is busy with work, projects, and his own friends and stuff...but he wasn't THAT busy when we first started talking (even as friends) last night he said something that made it sound like he thought we were actually boyfriend and girlfriend. We aren't. I honestly think he thinks we are though. This whole situation has just become confusing for me and I don't want a guy who can't be straight with me about what's going on. Do I need to break up with him even though it wasn't official? Do I need to tell him I'm seeing other people? Is it worth telling him about how I feel he is too busy for me? I didn't think it was that serious but I guess we've been doing this thing for 3 months now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 It's fine if you want fwb and both use protection, if you don't want to be exclusive. If fwb is not what you want then why act so indifferent? You need to act like and speak up about what it is you are looking for. If it's not fwb, then stop having hookups at his will and start dating guys with the intent to have exclusive dating, a relationship, etc. You don't need to breakup a nebulous situation like this, just stop hooking up tell him you're done with fwb and go no contact and block him. Then start dating guys with clear intentions in mind. Essentially sex and occasional friends. We did still hang out sometimes and we still continued to have sex and whatever. If it really bothers him why hasn't he actually tried to make this more official? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corilemon1112 Posted January 11, 2017 Author Share Posted January 11, 2017 well I was good with it either way. But the fact that we stated we were working towards a relationship....that was the mindset I started to have....then he stopped being around as much. basically after I started to invest time and feelings into it when I didn't need to. But I agree I need to possibly end things if I can't get a clear intention out of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 You are dating others while having sex with him. It's you who needs to be clear and act clear. His actions are clear as a bell...it's hookups.well I was good with it either way. I can't get a clear intention out of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 How about some clear communication? Let him know concrete reasons why the relationship isn't working for you. That you expect x amount of get togethers (dates) during the week and you expect whatever sort of daily communication to propel the relationship to where you want it to go. It doesn't mean you should let him try to make reparations. As for me, if a guy doesn't want to hear my voice daily and doesn't make plans to see me regularly, I'd have to admit he's just not that into me. FWBs never work in the long run and never end well. People are not robots. Feelings are always involved. I'd rethink your dating goals in the future, and maybe decide FWBs aren't worth the drama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corilemon1112 Posted January 11, 2017 Author Share Posted January 11, 2017 I don't really feel like we became friends with benefits on purpose I think it just started to get that way once I thought he was no longer into me. We do need to get some clear communication out there I suppose. It doesn't help that I haven't been very up front about what I want either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 Since he can't be straight with you, you need to take the reins. That means you tell him, "Dude, we are not boyfriend/girlfriend when you barely communicate with me except for sex. Get over yourself, I'm seeing other people, you should too." And then you drop him. He treats you like he does, because in his mind once that girl is "locked down" so to speak he doesn't have make an effort. Either that or he doesn't care really, but it bothers him that he has to share. This is the basic premise of a harem, it's okay to have multiple women (or men for that matter, this isn't a gender thing) but some people don't like the idea they'd have to share. Besides another guy can quite possibly take you off the market altogether leaving him without his occasional booty call. Lots of people don't like that, but tough. You aren't there for his whims, you need to be able to speak up and go for what you want and if he's not interested, find someone who is or who can provide you the relationship you do want. Either way, this man isn't relationship material for you so why even bother? You are the one who is going to need to be upfront though, passively waiting for him to say something or change something without speaking your mind and stating what you want and are okay with, or simply letting him go altogether is up to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyden Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 Since he can't be straight with you, you need to take the reins. That means you tell him, "Dude, we are not boyfriend/girlfriend when you barely communicate with me except for sex. Get over yourself, I'm seeing other people, you should too."QUOTE] Obviously simple communication would resolve this, but she doesnt want that. She to continue to be passive aggressively silent on the subject forcing him to figure out what she is thinking. She is penalizing him because she felt slighted by him not making more time for her... which also could have been simply addressed by communication when that started happening. Basically, games. I hate games. OP - End it with him or talk to him so you both can clearly state what you want at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 I may be off base, but why is the guy being made out to be the bad guy/enemy? When someone signs up for FWB's, it's just that, (a sleeping arrangement) so to speak, not a relationship as many like to believe. In short, this is JMO... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamurj Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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