Defeated

[S3E2L1]

I feel like my husband and I have basically had a relationship destined to fail. For the last 2 years we've gone through major money issues, major family battles (my having to fight for my husband's character, due to job issues), hellish home renos we can't currently afford but have to do, fighting to find him work (he is highly trained in his field which has been dead for 2 years), being pregnant (which while a blessing, was unplanned and caused more stress), now having our sweet baby, unfortunate death of his close family member, his going through culture shock as he moved across country for me...the list goes on and on. He has now opened a new business to try to bring in more money, I have a business that I have recently moved and have run fulltime since a month after our baby was born. Our sex life is non-existent, obviously a problem, but I can't make myself care when we have so many other things going on (bad excuse?). I know these are all things everyone goes through, we aren't any different than others, it just seems like the blows keep piling up for us.

The point of all this is to say, we are fighting to keep our marriage together, but we both know it's about to end. I think there's only so much a couple can take in a short timespan before it's just too much. I think what sucks the most is that we are both good people, who, if not in these circumstances, may easily have made it as a couple. I still love him but I'm not sure I like him as a friend most of the time. I'm so tired of this.

Has anyone out there gone through it all with their spouse and managed to turn things around? The last thing I want to do is end this, but I'm starting to think we're oil and water and we just bring the worst out in each other's lives. I'm honestly so overwhelmed and refuse to talk personal lives with anyone I know, so thanks for reading this and if just one person has a positive outcome to a story like this, it may be what I need to snap out of this hole we're in.

All the best to all of you!

[Lester]

Start trimming away all unneeded expenses.

Sell the house and rent.

Sell/close the business and get a job. (Gov., has made business all but impossible)

Get rid of "stuff" and stop all volunteering.

etc.

 

You need a pen knife, not a cleaver.

[thekid55]

The fact that you're able to admit/tell people about your situation should Count as a win for you! Wow, that is tough, but you're still standing! You should be proud.

 

In terms of 'changes', do one at a time. If you try to do everything at once, you will fail. Set small goals and then go from there. Good luck!

[Wiseman2]

First and foremost you both should be bringing in income whether that is in his very special field or he's flipping burgers.

 

Divorce is another added expense and stress so why threaten that? Are you supporting him now? Be prepared to pay him alimony. So stop thinking divorce is the magic bullet when in fact your husband getting off his rear end and working really is.

 

His job is to find a job asap, it's not your job to defend his character (not sure what that even means) or "fighting to find him work", which makes no sense either. Stop overspending ...save for the divorce, because unless he gets a job you will be paying the hefty attorney fees..

For the last 2 years we've gone through major money issues due to job issues fighting to find him work