markrobin Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Okay so my girlfriend's best friends are super clingy and always hang out with her and stuff and i already dont get to see her much bc her parents are strict, and im ok with all this, however one of her best friends just told me how shes planning like after college they'll all get a house and live and she'll live with them and not me until after a while and i confronted her about it and she kept saying she doesnt know what will happen its years in the future and she wouldnt answer bc she didnt want to choose, but the thing is id choose her over my friends in a second to live with bc i love her so much. She knows how i worry about our future and i talk about getting a house and kids and stuff with her every day and she does too, but now with this whole thing im worried if after years everything does go well and im still with her, she might actually choose her friends over me bc she wouldnt answer. If that happened all those years of being with her would go to waste. I told her i need to know bc if shes not sure she wants to spend her life with me and living with me right after college, i might break up. What do you think? should i break up if im unsure shed choose me, and it makes it worse bc id choose her in a second and she knows that, but she just wouldnt give me an answer. Link to comment
gebaird Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 You're creating unnecessary drama by bringing up topics like this with your gf. Keep them in your own head, if you must have thoughts like this, but recognize that the future unfolds a day at a time and try not to be guided by your fears, insecurities and anxieties. She IS choosing you -- every day she's your girlfriend, she's choosing you. If you want her to KEEP choosing you, I would recommend avoiding conversations about topics like this. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 It's too soon to argue over this if her parents are too strict to even let her date. She should live with roommates after college not a bf. Try not to be possessive or clingy, that will turn her off. Lay back and act more confident.one of her best friends just told me how shes planning like after college they'll all get a house and live and she'll live with them and not me until after a while and i confronted her about it and she kept saying she doesnt know what will happen its years in the future and she wouldnt answer bc she didnt want to choose. Link to comment
markrobin Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 were 17 years old Link to comment
markrobin Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 yes i know all this but the thing is it feels unfair to me bc i know id choose her instantly, so imagine if this scenario had happened. just knowing that shes unsure of me makes me uncomfortable with the relationship bc i feel she doesnt love me as much as i love her. besides after college and stuff girls always live with their boyfriends if they have one, ive never heard of that. It just worries me that if this actually did happen, which it almost certainly wont since itll be much different, what if she does choose them and im stuck there feeling like ive wasted all those years just to be ditched for her friends? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 You're being unfair and needy and clingy by asking her hypothetically what she will do years and years from now. This lack of confidence will create what you dread most and that is that your suffocating her will drive her away. Ask her to be exclusive or find other ways to reassure that she's into you. Learn now that acting insecure, nervous and needy turns girls off.yjust knowing that shes unsure of me makes me uncomfortable with the relationship bc i feel she doesnt love me as much as i love her. Link to comment
markrobin Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 thank you for your advice i guess youre right. if shes still with me after that long there shouldnt be any way she wouldnt choose me i guess, bc it wouldve been so long and shed still have been putting up with me. thanks for your advice youre right i should stop being clingy and insecure, and if i am i shouldnt show it, and yes trust me i know how much of a turn off it is. i need to learn to control my emotions better. thank you Link to comment
gebaird Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I had a similar relationship challenge when I was your age. My girlfriend cared very much for me, but she also felt an obligation to spend time with her friends. I wish I hadn't made it so hard for her to do that. At her age, friends are an important part of social development. Don't force her to choose between you and her friends. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 OP, you're going to shoot yourself in the foot if you carry on this way. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I'm 31 years old and never lived with a boyfriend. Just about to do it for the first time in april this year. I've always lived with friends/roommates. It's not a requirement to live with your bf. If I were you I would focus on school and your future. You're 17. It would be unusual and a miracle if you make it through college as a couple. Focus on reality and today, not what ifs. Youre being overly emotional about this and she's being honest. She doesn't know. Accept her answer and move on. Link to comment
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