He just made his son beneficiary of his new life insurance policy!

[luckyzuesy]

We have been together almost 3 yrs, got promise rings over a yr ago because we have both already been married twice before and didn't want to go that route again. I live there half and with my elderly mother the other half of the time going back and forth taking care of her and his dog, I am on disability for depression. I buy things for both households, and he has told everyone that his house was mine also! He hasn't seen or talked to his son in over 20 yrs and they are not even friends on FB. I know that he has bought 2 cemetery plots, where they are and what he wants done! He wants me to take care of his dog if something happens to him and I would be unable to do that because I can't take him to my mothers home and he knows that. He just took out a life insurance policy with his son as sole beneficiary and he does not have a will! I found this out by accident, seems like he is just taking me for a ride and saying things he doesn't mean. Should I just move on because I am wasting my time on his lies and being used for his convenience? Also we do not have intimate relations because he has male problems. I believe it is due to his porn addiction. He said I could put a porn blocker on his phone but found out it wouldn't work. What should I do?

[mustlovedogs]

I think most parents put their children as beneficiaries. I really don't think this is that strange.

 

What do you offer each other? Why should you collect his life insurance if you can't care for his dog?

[gebaird]

Have you talked to him about his reasons for naming his son as the beneficiary on the policy instead of you? I think instead of jumping to conclusions, it would be good to find out what he is thinking.

 

While promise rings and kind words about his house being yours might make you feel good, he has no legal obligation to you whatsoever. He gets to choose who to name as a beneficiary since he is paying for the policy.

 

The bigger question here is about the status of the relationship. If everything was going well and he named his son as the primary beneficiary, perhaps it would signify nothing. But things aren't going well, are they? Perhaps that's why he didn't put you as the beneficiary.

 

As far as his porn addiction goes, I doubt a filter is going to stop him if he's so addicted he can't have sexual relations. He'll just find another way to get it. He needs a therapist who can treat him for sex addiction.

[Wiseman2]

How old is he? Are his sexual problems medical? try not to play caretaker at two places if it burns you out too much. His house is not yours. It's normal to put kids as beneficiaries. If he has no will, his estate will be divided among his heirs (kids).

 

You will get your mother's home and her life insurance. If you are staying at his place a lot it's ok to buy some things, groceries, chip in here and there, etc but don't go overboard.

 

You should manage your own finances and retirement because you are single. Talk to your mother about her will/estate/ insurance etc. and your kids about yours.

we have both already been married twice before and didn't want to go that route again. I live with my elderly mother.I buy things for both households. He just took out a life insurance policy with his son as sole beneficiary and he does not have a will

[Seraphim]

If he leaves nothing to his kids whatever you get could be contested, you know that, right? Also no will you cannot be guaranteed anything goes to you . I wouldn't put much stock in who has what relationship on Facebook . For years and years my husband and I were not" FB " husband and wife . We have been together for 27 years . I am also not Facebook friends with my son I can assure you I adore him . Facebook means squat .

[ThatwasThen]

After only three years of 'dating' It quite normal for him to name his child as his beneficiary. His house is not yours and should something happen to him and you're not on title and he has no will then his assets will go into probate and will be settled by the courts wherein costs for same will be taken out of the proceeds. You could fight his son for part of his estate (house) if there is no will and have a good chance at benefiting from some of the proceeds IF you can prove that you were contributing to the household finance and that you and he actually were in a relationship of some kind. It would have to be figured out in court.

 

He really needs to get a will in place if he owns property as his estate could be tied up in probate for years if he doesn't. The beneficiary of his insurance policy would be able to get that money immediately upon showing proof of death though.

[luckyzuesy]

I take care of his house, do his laundry cook and I care for his dog on a daily basis, walk him, take him to the vet, get him groomed out of my pocket and buy him food and treats. Do not expect the full amount of the life policy just part to help to continue to be able to take care of his dog. I love his dog.

[luckyzuesy]

Do you think I should move on?

[luckyzuesy]

He is 54 and he won't go to the dr, I know its because of his porn addiction. As I said he hasn't seen or talked to his son in 20 yrs, his son doesn't want anything to do with him because of what his mother told him I guess. I feel he deserves most of everything, but I deserve a small share also I do everything for that man and take care of his house and dog everyday, and would like to be able to continue to at least take care of the dog if anything happened to him. He tells me one thing and does another. To us the promise rings was a commitment, without a piece of paper.

[Wiseman2]

Let him pay you now for that. Life insurance is for after someone dies. How old is he? Do you think the dog will outlive him? Commitment without paper? Sure, that's true but what you really want is spouse-like benefits so that paper makes all the difference.

 

Learn to negotiate appropriately. If you are overdoing things and over-investing, then tell him to get a dog day care and house keeper or pay you for those services. If you are doing this out of love or voluntarily he doesn't owe you a portion of his life insurance.

 

It's extremely unwise to put someone you're dating a few years on a document like that. Surely you don't have him in your will or on your policy, right? Makes no sense. Stop doing him favors if you don't want to or think he should reimburse you somehow.

I take care of his house, do his laundry cook and I care for his dog on a daily basis, walk him, take him to the vet, get him groomed out of my pocket and buy him food and treats. Do not expect the full amount of the life policy just part to help to continue to be able to take care of his dog. I love his dog.

[Capricorn3]

I think most parents put their children as beneficiaries. I really don't think this is that strange.?

I agree. I don't see what's so shocking about that. After all, his son is his own flesh and blood. Why should someone who's only been with him not even 3 years be a beneficiary? Had you been together for a substantial time and married to him that would be different, but only together for not even 3 years? Sounds a bit entitled (imo).

[Theniceone]

I take care of his house, do his laundry cook and I care for his dog on a daily basis, walk him, take him to the vet, get him groomed out of my pocket and buy him food and treats. Do not expect the full amount of the life policy just part to help to continue to be able to take care of his dog. I love his dog.

 

Why would he leave you an amount to tale care of his dog? You are already taking care of this dog with your own money. Maybe if you showed you were unable to take the financial responsibility he would think about it ...but again I do not see how you expect money because you take care of him. if it was the case I would probably have some kind on claim on the estate of all my exes.

[mustlovedogs]

Remember what the point of life insurance is: paying death expenses, paying off debts, and being used to care for that which is left behind. It's not a means to pay off people you care about.

[journeynow]

seems like he is just taking me for a ride and saying things he doesn't mean.

 

What did he say that you feel he doesn't mean now because of the life insurance policy?

[Tanzi]

I agree. I don't see what's so shocking about that. After all, his son is his own flesh and blood. Why should someone who's only been with him not even 3 years be a beneficiary? Had you been together for a substantial time and married to him that would be different, but only together for not even 3 years? Sounds a bit entitled (imo).

 

These were my thoughts exactly. I found the post somewhat crass to be honest.

[Tanzi]

Do you think I should move on?

 

Because you are not his beneficiary?

[butterfly45]

Are you expecting him to die soon or something?

[j.man]

Why should you be a beneficiary? Are you two married? Have children? If you're not getting a financial break that would make it feel more equitable while you care for and "buy things" for his home, then stop.

 

Only three years in and you're getting caught up on whether you'll get a lump sum if he croaks. I think the poster who called you a little entitled was putting it nicely.

[luckyzuesy]

That his house is my house also

[luckyzuesy]

thought this was a nice forum guess not lol

[Wiseman2]

Is your name on the deed/title? Everything you are talking about means nothing unless it's in writing and documented.

he has told everyone that his house was mine also!

[rosephase]

Have you told him it bothers you?

 

It seems odd to me that you would be so upset about it. Unless you think he's about to drop dead. Is he super unhealthy? Why doesn't he take care of his own dog?

 

You could ask him to write a will. He might not have thought about where the dog will go or if the dog will be cared for. He might not have thought about putting your name on the house... which seems reasonable. Three years isn't that long and it sounds like you both are pretty done with the marriage thing. Maybe he hasn't thought about the ramifications of you two not being married. It's easy to forget the privileges, like joint property ownership with out any needed paperwork, that come with marriage.

[agent1607307371]

You've only been together 3 year and you're not married. And you really sound like you're only with him in case he drops dead and you can make money off that.

 

I do think that you need to stop paying for his dogs care though.

 

It's utterly correct that his son is the beneficiary of his life insurance.

[RainyCoast]

is this for real??!

 

i've cared for men and their dogs for longer than that, maybe i oughtta be expecting houses and life insurances cashed. (and if exs are expecting mine, guess what they're getting. lol)

 

his son is the direct heir, that he gets the house and is the beneficiary of his life insurance policy, rather than a girlfriend is only normal to anyone but a vulcher.

 

is he very old or is his liver failing from the booze or why are you so focused on the potential benefits of his death?

 

if three years into dating someone i found out they were snooping whether i had a will and who my life insurance beneficiaries were, the relationship would last less than three-legged hedgehog on a busy highway.

 

if you make yourself a self-sacrificial martyr and care for a man you haven't a single nice word to say about beyond your abilities, that is your choice, and yours are the self-impoverishing consequences. nobody owes you their heirloom as a reward for your opportunistic victimhood.

 

tell him to look for a nice foster family for the dog should anything happen to him, because you cannot afford the care.

 

what a joke.

[Iggy5129]

A 54 year old man expects his dog to outlive him? That's a pretty bleak outlook.

 

Agree with everyone else, you're being a gold digger. If you want financial security get it for yourself. Get your depression treated and get back to work, start building your own wealth instead of depending on a man.