Lost- Broke up a month ago after 6 years. Was sent this email. Holding on.

[wcc293]

She sent me an email a month after we broke up. It's been messy; I've broke contact numerous times and haven't dealt with it well. I've said mean things to her that I didn't mean. She initiated no contact to get over me, but claims we are perfect together and that we met at the wrong time. She emailed me the following after I emailed her to get some stuff and let her know I was moving on:

 

"I am responding because I owe it to you but don't know what else to say. I am not going to forget you and I do miss you and I will keep missing you, so please don't think this is easy for me by any means. You are my first love and that will never ever change. I am sad, lonely and miss you but I want to be alone for now.

 

I would be heartbroken if something ever happened to you. I really don't think this is the end at all. At the very least, I would love to be friends when we are both ready, and I am open to more than that in a few years from now. Be good and good luck with the new, amazing job. I know you will be killing it next time we talk.

 

Back story is we broke up after 6 years after she fell out of love and felt she needed to be alone for some time to "learn to be independent." She's going back to school for her last semester and we decided on no contact for at least the next 5-6 months / when I am ready.

 

I am holding on, but don't know what to do anymore.

[Hollyj]

I'm sorry.

 

The someday comment is a string along. Don't hold out for a future with this woman.

 

She is saying that she likes and respects you as a person, but does not love, or want to be romantically tied.

 

Someday, you may be able to be friends, but not until you have completely moved on from the relationship.

 

Exchange your stuff, then block and delete, so that you can heal.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. She's already told you why she needs to be alone and break up. She's trying to soften the blow because you keep contacting her. Stay strict no contact. Buzzing around will push her way further.

[wcc293]

Thank you for the response. I am not holding out for her anymore. She's said that comment numerous times and I sort of agree, but also know that I have to move on. Seems like she wants to be independent, see other people but have me there as a back up.

 

Unfortunately, we blocked each other on all sorts of communication so I have no way of relaying a message to her to get my stuff. For now, I'll consider it gone

[wcc293]

Yeah I've gone fully no contact until I feel ready, if ever. I just find it frustrating how she can continually tell me that she'd be open to us again. Not sure if she's actually genuine, or like you said trying to soften the blow.

 

Our relationship didn't end badly; more or less got stale at the end and we both realized that we needed to be alone for some time to mature on our own.

[Clio]

I just find it frustrating how she can continually tell me that she'd be open to us again. Not sure if she's actually genuine, or like you said trying to soften the blow.

 

At the end of the day, she is not actually genuine because there is no way to predict the future. What is actually going on is that though she is not currently interested in you, she wants to keep a door open in case she doesn't find someone else i.e. keep you around as plan B, plus soften the blow so as to feel less guilty about it. So this benefits her doubly in the expense of risking keeping you stuck in the past. She is actually being very selfish, though she may not necessarily be fully aware of this. The vast majority of dumpers in a situation like the one you describe, do this.

[wcc293]

Thank you for the response. I agree, but truly feel she won't find anyone better. When she realizes that, I will probably have completely moved on.

 

Should I try to reach out to let her know that I think she's being completely selfish for saying those things and making me think there's hope? Or just let it be and cut her out?

[Clio]

Let it be and cut her out. Nothing good would come out of it. It would only prolong pointless contact, and contact, regardless of the reason, keeps you stuck in the past. Given the outcome, none of you were 'better' for each other. The truth of the matter is that in time you WILL find someone better for you and so will she. It sounds like you had six good years but the relationship run its natural course. It would be a shame to tarnish everything if so far you have managed to remain civil. If you manage to keep no contact, you will be able to heal and move on quicker and think back on this time with no regrets. Good luck with your healing.

[Wiseman2]

Just cut her out, your silence is the best message, don't act hurt or petty.

Should I try to reach out to let her know that I think she's being completely selfish for saying those things and making me think there's hope? Or just let it be and cut her out?

[Hollyj]

Thank you for the response. I agree, but truly feel she won't find anyone better. When she realizes that, I will probably have completely moved on.

 

Should I try to reach out to let her know that I think she's being completely selfish for saying those things and making me think there's hope? Or just let it be and cut her out?

 

You're making excuses for contact.

 

Let this go. Do not contact her, and heal.

[wcc293]

Thanks all, I will not and have not contacted her. Just going to let it go and move on.