Dazed and Confused

[2bigaHeart]

So I've been talking to this girl i met at a wedding for 2.5 years. It all started after a drunken steamy makeup session and exchanging information after. in the last 2 years we have seen each other twice most of which has been physical. where the incredible part of our relationship is in our communication I can tell her any and everything and she can do the same with me. both of us being in college and not in the position to make a trips to visit each other regularly I decided to take the plunge and book the trip to see her for a few days over new years. The connection i feel for her is like nothing else i have ever felt. The last 2 years we have been on the same page as being close friends who like each other but the distance was in the way. During the trip we made out a few times and spent time doing every day life stuff shopping and exploring her hometown and meeting upwards of 50 people who are important to her in her life and when it came to me asking her out she told me that she doesn't feel that same spark for me anymore.Which left me feeling like id been punched in the stomach but knowing i cant make someone love me i tried not to let show too much. we had a couple days left of the trip and i wanted to enjoy this time with her while i had it. we kept flirting like nothing had changed and had a great time on new years that ended in a couple of 1-2 minute long hugs that felt like cuddling while standing considering the church friend we were at the house of it was fitting to the situation. We get to the end of the trip with a lot of silences and asking what the other is thinking i answer with " i cant help but get the feeling this will be the last time i see you, and that hurts a bit." We are standing at her gate as my flight left 2 hours after hers and when i go to say goodbye at her gate she hugs me tight and won't let go, she starts crying, sobbing actually and all I can do is hold her close kiss her forehead and tell her how much she has meant to me and that I am going to miss her. She is the deepest relationship I've had with a women (both in mid 20's) and she's told me that i am likewise. She is holding the buttons of my shirt and asking if we were going to see how it works out. I didn't say a word just looked at her and tried to fake a smile while i look into her eyes for the last time and begin walking to my gate trying not to cry as well.

 

I'm back at home now and have begun no contact (3 days in out of 30-40). and have been trying not to torture myself with a that smell like her and looking at the photo booth pictures we took on the trip. Im in a daze because this relationship seemed to be such a perfect fit, we make such a great team in support of each other and confused why she would react in such a way as she was the one who rejected me =(. Any thoughts or perspective here would be welcomed and appreciated.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. At least you tried to move it forward, but she sees this as friends. You can still be friends, no? What do you mean by "have begun no contact (3 days in out of 30-40)". What happens in 30-40 days?

The last 2 years we have been on the same page as being close friends. she told me that she doesn't feel that same spark for me anymore.

[2bigaHeart]

To be honest that is what i am wrestling with. We started with a romantic interest and we both knew it, and it transformed into something incredibly deep and true. But all of this was under the pretense of building the foundation for a successful relationship later on. I recently started a job that finally enabled me to pursue this and now she isn't interested. I don't know if i can be a friend to her without the motive of trying to win her back. If i can continue to be that emotional support for her knowing she could be gone from my life at any moment. I am taking 40 days to myself to 1) give myself time to emotionally disconnect and deal with the hurt 2) reflect on if this new dynamic is possible for me to be a true friend.