What would you do?

[Harp123]

Hello, I am stuck in a situation and the stress and guilt and confusion is killing me. Please advise me on what to do?

 

I am currently in a 4 year relationship with my bf. We've had our ups and downs like a normal couple, but the downs kept repeating itself and now has taken a toll on me. To cut a long story short, I've always financially supported him, i always felt like he was a lazy bf, i always put him first. this has changed me from a positive to negative person. I'm not saying I was an angel from day 1, but I am definitely not the girl he fell in love with. Anyway, he loves me a lot, I in all honesty don't know if anyone can love me as much as he does, regardless of how our relationship has been, he showers me with a lot of love. But its come to the point that just love isn't enough. He was unemployed for 1 whole year and I hung in thinking once he gets a job hopefully our situation will get better, by the time he got a job, i had given up, i could tell i was not in love anymore, because i forgot how it felt like to be treated like a gf. I ofcourse didnt mind helping him with money in the beginning but 4 years? a bit too much no? (just to clarify him not getting a job was not his fault which is why i also hung in, he is actually very smart and clever and over qualified in many areas). Anyway, whilst i realised i wasnt in love anymore, i had started talking to a coworker, we really clicked. And out of nowhere we were flirting, (he knows about my bf and yes i knew i was doing wrong and I am not the type of person to do this kind of behaviour). I realised I had started to fall for him but i decided that i need to pay attention to my relationship. My coworker and I distant ourselves and if we spoke it was as friends.

My bf went on holiday and i realised that i didnt miss him. I wasnt messaging him or looking forward for his return. During this time things really heated up (emotionally) between myself and my coworker.

 

Being in this guilt that i am not giving my 100% to my bf and just how exhausted i was is in the relationship i decided to break up with my bf. On his return i spoke to him, and i expected him to let me go knowing i am not happy. But he has been pleading me to give him 2 months to give us a chance again. I cant tell him about my coworker for reasons i cannot explain but hes making it hard for me as I feel guilty. He is fighting for me so much that i feel suffocated. He isnt letting me go no matter what for atleast the next 2 months. What do i do? i know that hes fighting for me which i wish he had done before. on the other end my coworker is waiting for me. I know the answer is obvious but my heart is not in this relationship anymore and i dont want to stay for the sake of it. But i am scared that Im going to make the biggest mistake of leaving my bf after 2 months (hes clarified that if i leave he will never get back with me). this whole situation is effecting me physically and mentally, i have depression, and the stress is physically hurting me. Especially when i realise that ive created a mess for myself and these 2 guys that deserve better than me, I am not a person to play with peoples feelings and this is the biggest guilt i have right now. I am beating myself up for this whole situation who have i become?

 

thank you for reading.

[JaggerJim]

Go with the co-worker, because your boyfriend only wants you around to financially support him. It's done, it's over.

[Viceroy]

I guess it's best for you to end things with your old boyfriend, and move on with the new co-worker. I say that because you said so yourself, you're just not emotionally invested into the relationship anymore. Staying is only going to make yourself miserable, and him as well. The relationship would probably be sexless as well, which would cause other issues.

 

You're going to be breaking his heart, but it's not a good idea to hang onto a relationship when you're not happy. You don't have to be a jerk to him, but you can just make it clear that you're moving on for the time being.

[Trinity11]

I was with a guy years ago..my only other long term relationship. We got along well, but he would not prioritize. He had a job and made good money but would spend it on luxuries first like, beer, cheese, present for me, a new tv... instead of paying rent when it was his turn. Luckily i never put my name on the lease with him or my name would be toast.

I did speak to him about how it was going...He said he would change...he did, for a bit..but then went back to his old way. I actually tallied up all the money I was spending when he should be pulling his own. The number grew so quickly. I knew i had to get out. It was a pretty horrible break up actually. But it was the right thing to do. People need to help themselves or you will not want to help them or respect them.

 

Its good you voiced your real concern. I think you should get out, as that sort of thing would be a hard habit to break, at least in the short term.

[gebaird]

When you decide to stay in a relationship with someone you do not love, you open yourself up to exactly the sort of thing that happened with your co-worker. Had you left when the love for your boyfriend died, you wouldn't be in this situation.

 

I think you should break up with your boyfriend today rather than wait two more months. If four years with him wasn't enough to convince you to stay, another two months won't change that. Why prolong the stress?

[Hollyj]

You're his cash cow. I can see why he doesn't want it to end things. Why are you still giving this guy money, and why is he taking trips????

[HeartGoesOn]

I think you bit off more than you could chew, and now that you're seeing the reality of this, you're on the fence. I would take a step back, and either break up or try to resolve the issues with your boyfriend.

 

In any event, these are the usual consequences of trying to begin something new, while denying what's still directly in front of you...so to speak. Choose wisely, as this has the potential of backfiring, leaving you to stand alone.

[Wiseman2]

Agree, he's fighting for his meal ticket, not for you per se. Don't get further manipulated by guilt and make a clean break.

[DancingFool]

Put your current relationship out of its misery already. It's already been painfully dragging along for way too long. You should have ended it ages ago. Quit jerking around, tell your bf it's really over and be done with him for good. I also agree with others that he is more likely fighting for his meal ticket than you as such. So don't let him flattering your ego with this notion of "lookee he is fighting for it now" get in the way of good judgment. Enough is enough. You are not in it mentally and emotionally, so regardless of the other guy, long past due for you to move on and quit playing mommy to your current bf. Dragging things out for another two months is nonsense really. Is it even about the relationship or is he just scrambling to find a place to live or another sugar momma he can quickly shack up with?