I need to slow down?

[bubbles941]

So ive been dating this guy for 7 months and we have sex on a regular basis - usually 3 to 4 times a week. Yesterday i bought some expensive lacey lingerie and asked him to come over. Instead, he rejected, saying that I forced him into sex too often (I didnt even know I was doing this). He said he was more of a once a week or once a fortnight kinda guy, which is a problem because I am constantly wanting it. On top of all that he said that he wants to slow down and be cute and cuddly with me instead of having sex, yet I don't know how to achieve this as whenever we are together in a room he is either on his phone or playing xbox. I have tried getting him off both of them but he just ignores me and continues. What should I do?

[gebaird]

whenever we are together in a room he is either on his phone or playing xbox

 

It sounds like there are problems outside the bedroom as well as inside. Seven months is when the "falling in love" hormones tend to die down and a relationship can start to feel like work.

 

I think a good long talk with him -- when he's not busy with electronics -- is warranted. Express your needs and desires and listen to his. Discuss the status of the relationship and your short-term goals to make sure you are on the same page. Is he willing to meet you half way on the sex thing? Maybe twice a week? Would that be enough for you? Is he willing to spend less time on his Xbox and phone? If he agrees, what would the two of you do instead? Ask him about the times during the last seven months when he's felt most loved by you. What were you doing to make him feel that way? What behaviors make him feel less loved or unloved?

[Sportster2005]

Sexual compatibility is just another area you have to be on the same page with. I do find odd though that it took him seven months to realize this. I just don't think you're a good match, or he's just lost interest.

[SherrySher]

I don't know, him telling you that he feels forced into sex is not a good sign, and it can't make you feel too great either. Was he actually enjoying it or just going along with it from feeling like he had to?

Or is he possibly saying this now because he is no longer as interested in you as he was?

This is going to make your relationship very awkward now as you could feel like you're forcing sex onto him and you wont' know now if he actually is wanting to, or only doing so because he feels he has to.

Also, if he only wants sex once a week and you want sex more often, you will most definitely end up feeling frustrated.

I think it's time to call this a day and let him know that you're incompatibilities are going to out weight what you see eye to eye on. As it is, sex alone now will be not even half as good as it was with now having the conversation you did.

[IAmFCA]

My vote is that you two have different needs and aren't likely to find a satisfying middle ground.

 

He seems to withdraw into electronics. I am impressed he expressed his feelings to you. Probably was insecure about you judging him harshly.

 

Make sure you thank him for speaking up. Suggest you will refrain from sex, even if he asks for it, if on that same night he will drop the games and focus on being together. This will make it safe for him to be affectionate.

[KantSleep]

Well, I guess he just doesn't have the same sex drive. And he is too busy gaming. If he is not meeting your needs, you may need to find a mate who does. I would try to work this out first, but sex once a week or less wouldn't work for me either. Or having to compete for attention with Xbox. Good luck.