Dumped 7 weeks ago & its not getting easier...

[lisa27]

This is my second post! and it really helps. so thank you in advance for my rambling...

 

In September my boyfriend broke up with me - and 10 days later he was begging for me back. Things were amazing after that. I was telling my friends "the break up was the best thing that happened to us" because it finally woke him up to what he wanted. He is 23 and i am 25 - so he always had a slight commitment issue surrounding him. During those 10 ten days of being apart he told me he could not eat, sleep or work. he was a wreck. he really did love me. i could really see it this time.

 

However, things slowly started to unravel. His friends from his hometown moved up to the city and were living with him. all single and partying every night. They hated how he had a girlfriend and would always try call "boys nights" every weekend. I tried to get a long with them but i felt like i really didnt belong. they were just young stoner boys. Im 25 now and as much as i love a good night out - i am ready to settle down and could not cope with being below them in his priority list? thats not a relationship. And when it wasnt friend time - it was work time. Being a freelance filmer he went away alot. so basically i slipped into priority 3. yet again.

 

Two months later he broke up with me again just before xmas and new year. we had planned to go travelling around the country for our summer break. we had bought tickets and made solid plans to do so. So I wanted to work through whatever issues we had because i knew we would have such an amazing holiday together. because that was the problem - we hadnt spent any quality time together - i was constantly fighting for his attention. When we were alone we were happy. especially when we went away. Anyways he couldnt do it anymore. He "loved me, but not us", and he would not make it work.

 

I did all the pathetic and WRONG things you do after the break up and begged for him back. But he said he was determined to find himself and figure out why he acted the way he did in our relationship. Like i said earlier, i was always priority 3 after work and friends. i always ran on his schedule and he constantly made me feel anxious. So in ways i knew this was right for us too but in saying that - the rejection of it all and how strong he has been with not making any effort to talk to me has been tough. i am just so heartbroken still. its been 7 weeks and i thought it would be better by now. But everyday i wake up with a heavy heart. its actually physically painful. all i think about is him. im worried because i have had greater loss in my life - with my mum dying when i was 14 - yet somehow i cant cope with a 23 year old breaking my heart? its really worrying and off putting to be feeling this badly after someone that didnt even put me first...

 

I went no contact after i stopped being pathetic - and only broke that when his grandma was really sick a few days ago. i just messaged to check in. he was cold and distant and shut the convo down immediately. Made me fee worse so will not be reaching out like that again.

 

I guess im just so overwhelmed by the fact he doesnt want me back. Last time it took him 10 days to realise how big of a mistake he had made. Said he couldnt imagine life without me. And now its 7 weeks and basically our whole summer planned together has passed. did he even think about me during this time? He still went on the trip. I saw a tagged photo of him yesterday in a random girl travellers sunset pic. looked very romantic.

 

I had his xmas present sent to where we were going to be for xmas before we even broke up. it wasnt cheap either. was $250. I forgot i had done that/ as too scared to mention it after break up. on xmas day he messaged me saying "merry xmas " second one "& thanks for the present.". this was during my NC so i didnt reply. It was so blunt and unappreciative. the way he has been treating me is humiliating.

 

I just want to move on but i still love hm. I want to move on but i keep holdind on hope he will come back to me. why is this time so different? was i that bad of a girlfriend and person that he cant even be respectful to me when we DO talk? does he have that much distaste for me? and if so ....why did he beg for me back in the first place!!

 

I already have so a few guys messaging me now that i am single. and people are so supportive of me and cant believe i am so upset over him because they never thought he was that great or good for me. but im not interested in anyone else, even after everything my ex has done.

 

They always say "when a heart breaks it doesnt break even". Well i feel this is evident in my case and its humiliating. How is he so fine - and im not?

[gebaird]

Seven weeks is a very short period of time to process everything you've been through -- especially with the earlier break, return, then final breakup. I think you didn't see any of that coming, and it's left you more broken than if he had just stayed away the first time he said goodbye.

 

I would avoid social media for a while. That tagged photo you saw didn't do you any favors.

 

He may not be as "fine" as he appears to be. Perhaps he is staying busy to keep his emotions from catching up to him. Perhaps he really is so cold and calloused that he's already over it (which doesn't exactly say much about his ability to fully commit to someone). Either way, the mental energy you are investing wondering about him and how he is feeling would be better spent focusing on your own healing.

 

It takes time for the heart to process a loss like this.

[Wiseman2]

Trust your friends and family. They are with you now, not him. Being a martyr or victim is not a good thing in a relationship, after a breakup or in life in general. Never over-invest in or worship someone who can't be bothered with you.

I already have so a few guys messaging me now that i am single. and people are so supportive of me and cant believe i am so upset over him because they never thought he was that great or good for me.

[Quidam]

Hey if it can help you it took me a year and two months only to stop being depressed... time takes time

[Shegottaberigh]

I think it hurts bad,y when he's not suffering like you're suffering. It feels unfair, humiliating, pathetic. I understand that, I'm currently at two weeks post breakup. Why doesn't not they want us back? Maybe because they can't see how worth it we are. Why aren't they suffering like we are ? Because they don't have half the emotional depth we do and they don't know what it is to truly be invested in a relationship. Don't worry, the loss will hit them sooner or later. But don't focus your energy on that too much, don't indulge in thoughts of what went wrong and why because there are no satisfying answers for that. It doesn't help to have him in social media, I deleted and blocked him and now it's hard to know what he's up to, don't get your wounds exposed or they'll just get worse.

[reinventmyself]

For the most part breakups are hard for both sides. It seems he second guessed his original decision and couldn't withstand the discomfort that came along with it and reconciled with you. It was only time until he realized he may have made the right decision.

It doesn't take anything away from you and may very well say a lot about him.

 

He is short with you because he doesn't trust himself, after all he went back once, he may fear being tempted again.

He also probably feels a lot of guilt for going back and forth and the toll it's caused you, so he doesn't want to risk giving you the wrong idea.

 

This sounds as if it's just bad timing.

As a mother of young adult sons, there comes a time when they are ready. It all about timing. Anything in between is challenging.

 

Shake this off and be patient with yourself. You will find the right guy at the right time and you'll look back at this experience and shake your head.

He just wasn't the one.

 

Head high. . carry on