Ackward Sex

[Darkness13]

My boyfriend and I were friends for years before hooking up. Through the years we couldn't keep our hands off each other whenever we saw one another. We've always been very attracted to each other. For the past several years before our relationship, he and his ex had a relationship entirely based on sex. And because I was his friend he shared pics with me of her in lingerie etc. His ex also hated me because when he and I were much younger we had a foursome and she never did so sheharassed me with text messaged pics of her with his in her mouth, etc. He used to brag about their sex life and call every else's sex life "boring". They were very kinky and into role playing, bondage, etc. However, despite his great sex life with her he cheated on her throughput the relationship, admitting that he was probably a sex addict. Now we have been together for a few years and I'm convinced we are not sexually compatible. At this point I feel stupid even having sex with him. In the beginning we were having sex four to five times a day. Then it became only on the weekends, bit we'd have sex til the sun came up. Now it's once a week. Granted I used to try to appease him by trying to fill his exes shoes. We tried role playing, it felt stupid to me. He likes lots of dirty talk, I do too, but at this point I really find it repetitive and dull and honestly, I run out of dirty things to say and my mind goes blank. I end up tripping over my own dirty words and feel ridiculous. I bought lingerie and have worn it and at first he seemed excited but now he just rips my clothes off and shows no interest in anything I'm wearing underneath. Eventually I started feeling like he wasn't very interested. He used to buy her lingerie and toys, he has never bought me those things. At this point, I don't feel sexy or feminine or beautiful at all. I feel like his buddy not his woman. I do the cooking and cleaning and laundry and errand running. And the most I have to look forward to is a quick and uneventful lay on Saturday nights. I've tried to talk about everything with him and he justsays that he's happier than he's ever been and that sex isn't his main reason for living anymore. He says that his relationship with her was horrible and all they had in common was sex. He tells me that our relationship is the kind of relationship others envy and that he wants to grow old with me. I love all that bit honestly, I'm a very sexual person and feel like that part of me is dying. I should mention that he is dominant and likes sexually submissive women. He likes to give commands and orders. The problem with that for me is I'm used to being the sexually dominant one and it feels very unnatural initiating sex knowing he prefers to be dominant. It's also awkward for me to pretend to be submissive, shaking my and ass on command just makes me feel dumb. And I have images in my head of his ex sexting him all his favorite dirty catchphrases and honestly it turns me off. When we werebfriends with occasional benefits, we'd sext on occasion but when we began our relationship and I tried to sext him he accused me of meaning to sexy someone else so I stopped. Although I've never seen myself as vanilla in the bed, I'm beginning to and I don't like it at all. I don't know how or if these issues can be fixed. Any suggestions or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Is this relationship reparable?

[Rising100]

Thats alot to take, red flags too. I wonder if he cheated on her, how do you know he doesnt cheat on you?

Also you being so involved in his relationship with his ex while they were going out was a bad thing, you had no respect for her or their relationship even if he was your friend. How would you feel if he was doing the same to you with another girl right now?

You also had a foursome in the past with him, how come not anymore? And is that something you still crave?

 

Anyways, enough about the past. Sounds like your relationship has been ruined by the routine you two have in your life, like you mentioned about saturdays.

Were you sexually submissive when you used to enjoy sex with him? Yea alot has changed in your relationship.

[gebaird]

Have you had a direct conversation with him about these issues? It sounds like the relationship is meeting his needs, but it's not meeting yours. It's great that he's healing from his sex addiction, but that doesn't mean sex isn't still important to you. You've allowed him to set the rules and procedures in the bedroom, and you're dissatisfied with the result. Assert yourself. Make an effort to clearly communicate your needs and express your desires. Habit change is hard, so you may have to express them repeatedly and firmly in order to achieve the desired results. If he chooses not to change once he has all the information about how you are feeling, then it may be time to make your exit.

 

Healthy sexual intimacy requires two partners who understand each other's needs and are willing to compromise in certain areas. Dirty talk feels unnatural to you, but it might be a very important part of intimacy to him. Are you willing to keep it up for his sake? In return, what might he be willing to do for you that he isn't doing now?

[Darkness13]

Well there are other circumstances. I've been a friend of the family for 25 years. He was with his ex for seven of those years. I suppose you're right that I wouldn't be comfortable if he was friends with a woman with that kind of history with him. Hindsight is 20/20. As for the foursome, we were just young and experimenting. No, he didn't bring the same level of kink to the table when we were younger, so no I never felt he expected me to bebsubmissive. I think he kind-of got more into that with his ex. Dirty talk has never made me feel uncomfortable in the past, but he likes a constant never ending stream of vocalization bothbduring foreplay and for then duration of sex.After several hours it becomes repetitive and feels forced and turns me off. And yes. I'm more than willing to keep trying to make this relationship work. I worry that he's suppressing his needs at this point either because he's trying to tone it down for me or because he's worried that he will fall back into his addictions. I do enjoy his kink factor, but I admit that I feel very insecure wondering why he doesn't buy me lingerie or toys like he did with her. I sometimes feel like he treats me more like a buddy than a lover. Anyway thank you for he response.

[Darkness13]

Well there are other circumstances. I've been a friend of the family for 25 years. He was with his ex for seven of those years. I suppose you're right that I wouldn't be comfortable if he was friends with a woman with that kind of history with him. Hindsight is 20/20. As for the foursome, we were just young and . No, he didn't bring the same level of kink to the table when we were younger, so no I never felt he expected me to bebsubmissive. I think he kind-of got more into that with his ex. Dirty talk has never made me feel uncomfortable in the past, but he likes a constant never ending stream of vocalization bothbduring foreplay and for then duration of sex.After several hours it becomes repetitive and feels forced and turns me off. And yes. I'm more than willing to keep trying to make this relationship work. I worry that he's suppressing his needs at this point either because he's trying to tone it down for me or because he's worried that he will fall back into his addictions. I do enjoy his kink factor, but I admit that I feel very insecure wondering why he doesn't buy me lingerie or toys like he did with her. I sometimes feel like he treats me more like a buddy than a lover. Anyway thank you for he response.

[Darkness13]

.yes, I've tried repeatedly to talk about these issues. I guess my main concern is that he's turning off a side of himself to appease me or maybe to curb his addiction. Bit I do enjoy that kinky side of him. I guess maybe just not to the extreme like he's used to.

[Wiseman2]

Agree, you're sexually incompatible. Does he know how you feel? Do you think playing house is getting boring for both of you?

My boyfriend and I were friends for years before hooking up. I feel like his buddy not his woman. he is dominant and likes sexually submissive women. The problem with that for me is I'm used to being the sexually dominant one and it feels very unnatural initiating sex knowing he prefers to be dominant. I've never seen myself as vanilla in the bed, I'm beginning to and I don't like it at all.