Anger and bitterness towards the one who never valued me

[loveyourself91]

I was involved with this emotionally unavailable man/player for well over a year. I finally cut him off on New Years Day. I was so caught up in him for so long I was in denial to the fact that he never cared about me. He never wanted a relationship. He made me feel worthless. Every time I would tell him " I can't do this because you can't give me what I want" he would continue to do things to keep me on a string. Every time I attempted to tell him how I felt he would brush me off and call me miserable. He never did anything for me. The sexual part completely lacked real intimacy. No dates. Yet I was so wrapped up in him. I made so many excuses for him. The finally straw was when he kept calling me asking me for a discount from my job for him and his friend, I gave it to him yet he didn't have the decency to wish me a simple happy new year. I have so much anger and bitterness inside of me for him. He took advantage of my vulnerability. Thankfully now I see just how low my self esteem and self worth was and I am working on myself. I just want to let go of this anger and hurt.

[gebaird]

I just want to let go of this anger and hurt.

 

Step one of this process is cutting him out of your life. Congratulations on taking that bold step.

 

It will take time to rebuild your self-esteem, to forgive and heal. Be kind to yourself as you work through this. Take accountability for your actions that led to this outcome, and learn from your experience. Don't assume this is all your fault, and don't assume it's all his either. You each played a role in creating the misery you are now feeling.

 

It hurts so much to feel used, then discarded like yesterday's newspaper. You were vulnerable and open and perhaps just wanted to be loved; he was closed off and never really showed up. Does that mean you should close off and cease to be vulnerable so you can avoid getting hurt next time? Not at all. It just means you need to be selective about your vulnerability, opening up slowly as trust grows between you and another person.

 

You might feel weak at the moment, but this experience will ultimately make you stronger and wiser. 2017 is going to be a better year for you because you are out of this toxic situation. He may not have valued you, but that doesn't mean you aren't valuable.

[loveyourself91]

Step one of this process is cutting him out of your life. Congratulations on taking that bold step.

 

It will take time to rebuild your self-esteem, to forgive and heal. Be kind to yourself as you work through this. Take accountability for your actions that led to this outcome, and learn from your experience. Don't assume this is all your fault, and don't assume it's all his either. You each played a role in creating the misery you are now feeling.

 

It hurts so much to feel used, then discarded like yesterday's newspaper. You were vulnerable and open and perhaps just wanted to be loved; he was closed off and never really showed up. Does that mean you should close off and cease to be vulnerable so you can avoid getting hurt next time? Not at all. It just means you need to be selective about your vulnerability, opening up slowly as trust grows between you and another person.

 

You might feel weak at the moment, but this experience will ultimately make you stronger and wiser. 2017 is going to be a better year for you because you are out of this toxic situation. He may not have valued you, but that doesn't mean you aren't valuable.

 

Thank you greatly for your kind words and wonderful advice. It was everything I needed to hear. Indeed 2017 will be a better year.