Can't let go

[Lonelyparamore]

OK so basically I would just like somebody to talk to. Sorry about my spelling Ashwell!.. So nearly a year ago now my boyfriend of 3 years who I loved to bits took me out to dinner and broke up with me in the car park, out of nowhere! I was devastated and it came to a shock to me as we never really argued and I didn't see it coming. Every night he textd me to ask if I was OK and how my day was doing.. Until I found he had added a girl on Facebook and when I questioned it he told me he had met her on tinder! I went mental on him and we got into an argument and I unfriended him, anyway skip two weeks later he was already Facebook official with this girl and had uploaded a load of pics with her (I know this because I was stalking) I was absolutely crushed, my heart was broken and he didn't care, he didn't think two weeks was a short amount of time and he seemed to think it was OK that he had moved on, well this is where for me it all went wrong I became obsessed. To the point where I was messaging him Constantly.. Half of the time he would messaged back u til one day I got a knock on my door from two police officers telling me that he had put a claim in saying I was harrasing him! Now you would think this would make me hate him but unfortunately I still love him, I miss him so much and I am actually obsessed with him and his new girlfriend, to the point where I am having panick attacks on my bathroom floor everytime either of them upload a new photo or new status.. Now again this is the worst part because I know I have to stop stalking but I can't! Please help!? I have been on a few dates myself but haven't clicked with anybody and I have no friends at all so I can't even get them to distract me.. I'm so depressed and so lonely!

[Viceroy]

You definitely need to stop what you're doing, it's very unhealthy for you. It probably would be a good idea for you to shutdown your social media accounts for a while, at least until you gain a better sense of composure. You also need to understand that you can let go, you just don't want to- that's okay, we've all been there at one point.

 

The best advice I can give you is to stop viewing this guy's social media, and basically cut him out of your life. You need to focus on positive actions: journaling, gym, healthy eating etc... Start a journal, it will help you organize your thoughts and feelings. The guy said you were harassing him, so you need to completely back off. It will hurt for a while, I know, but you really need to focus on regaining composure.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but you need to take the cops coming to your door seriously. He could take out a restraining order and you could get arrested. See a counselor about the obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.

I got a knock on my door from two police officers telling me that he had put a claim in saying I was harrasing him! I am actually obsessed with him and his new girlfriend, to the point where I am having panick attacks on my bathroom floor everytime either of them upload a new photo or new status..

[Fooled2x]

Hi...Although I've searched for help on this site. I never received a reply. But it's not about me, it's about you right now. Ok you love him, I understand. I really do. Im not trying to give you hope. But he will be back. Now the question is why would you want him back. I've learned the hard way that people who disregard the feelings of others are just selfish, self centered people. Why should you be his shoulder to cry on when she leaves him, because she will. Then if she wants him back he will drop you again. Im going to give you some sound advice. Ask yourself truly, whose more important YOU or him? Then ask what does he do to make you happy. Right now you're unsuccessfully dating because your pain is written all over your face and your demeanor is telling your situation. Beside, if he wanted you back, you would take him back and hurt someone else in the process. I know that all too well. To be successful in meeting someone who can truly love you for you...you must let him go. He knows he's hurt you. You néed to put YOUR SELF first not him. Now, don't laugh but I had a situation that just ended, I allowed this woman to hurt me twice. When her bf left her, she loved me and was hounding me, being intimate and affectionate. As soon as he learned that I was in the picture, he pulled her strings and she left me again, even after begging me to love and trust her. So don't do it. We aren't supposed to hurt the ones we love. I want you to take my advice, not just to focus on you, but also how bad he hurt you and how you don't want to feel this way again. While your sad, crying, not eating, thinking what you did wrong etc. He's enjoying himself, knowing that it's "killing" you.

Now, be strong, when he contacts you. Don't fall for it. He will tell you he loves you and made a mistake. But, he will only do this because she left him, he is weAK and needs a shoulder to cry on. I'll give it 3-6months. Now, I want you to go on YouTube and there are some good meditation/Hypnosis videos that you can listen to while preparing for bed. Initially I laughed at it. But it has helped me so much. I downloaded a few regarding break ups and forgetting someone and I feel great! Today (day 10 of no contact) I feel good. I spent the day asking myself why do I love this person so much. Why am I obsessing over them. Do they really make me feel that happy when I'm with them? Ask yourself those questions. If your answer is...I don't I just love them. Then youve conditioned yourself to THINK you love them and that you can't live without them. That's really your obsession. Both you and I have put these people on such a high pedastal but they don't deserve it. Listen to the recordings, pray for God to make you stronger and think of your own self worth. You see...I devalued myself and constantly thinking about her and who she's with and what they are doing, used to drive me crazy. I may not know you personally and even though we all go through similar situations, they are all different, because WE are all different. Think of yourself as your most important worldly possession. Would you let someone whose stole from you, do it again? Would you eat something that has made you sick again? No you would avoid them. I'm moving on and I refuse to look back. Treat him with kindness and be respectful, BUT, guard yourself. If someone wanted to punch you, you would protect yourself wouldn't you? So protect yourself from him. I know it hurts and if you ever want to talk. If it's allowed feel free to contact me. We both will wear our smiles again. Life is too short to waste on people who couldn't careless about us. Love yourself before loving him or anyone else. Make him respect you.

[shiner501]

As painful as it is, the other party is perfectly at liberty to break up with you. Of course, this is devastating for the dumpee - especially if they did not see it coming - but you simply have to try and move on. He is perfectly legally entitled to see this other girl, no matter how crushing it is for you. Your behavior IS harassment and will get you thrown in jail unless you stop it.