Channeling the Right Kind of Feelings

[TyrannusRex]

(I think I've filed this under the correct forum.)

 

I'll try to explain this as simply as possible:

One of my best friends is a beautiful young woman. We've been friends for upwards of five years now.

I harbored a big crush on her for a long time, but when I finally told her, she didn't feel the same way, and apparently never did.

But it felt good to get those feelings out there. She understood, and I began to move on.

Still, however, remnants of these feelings drove me crazy.

I thought to myself "well, I can't show her the kind of love I want to, so what's the next best kind? Familial, right?"

She's kindly agreed to being called my honorary sister, and I think we're both happy with that.

Our friendship has only grown stronger since, and we've gotten to know each other much better.

But still, I sometimes find myself menaced by feelings of romance, of longing for a relationship that can't happen. I've tried to push it out of mind by treating her more like a sister and friend, and being happy for her in her current relationship, but a first love is impossible to forget.

 

I don't want these unwanted feelings/desires to hang around forever. I need to truly move on, in every way.

Any tips? They're much appreciated.

[Capricorn3]

I don't want these unwanted feelings/desires to hang around forever. I need to truly move on, in every way.

Any tips?

The only way to move on is to fully accept that this friendship will only ever be that - a friendship. It seems she's not going to change her mind so you have to accept this. As long as you keep hoping, you will forever be stuck and going nowhere. Peace comes with acceptance.

[Wiseman2]

Wouldn't you feel more comfortable being free to date women who want to date? If being in the friendzone haunts you why do it? Do you really want to be a male-girlfriend hearing about her love life?

Our friendship has only grown stronger since, and we've gotten to know each other much better.But still, I sometimes find myself menaced by feelings of romance, of longing for a relationship that can't happen. and being happy for her in her current relationship.

[TyrannusRex]

Wouldn't you feel more comfortable being free to date women who want to date? If being in the friendzone haunts you why do it? Do you really want to be a male-girlfriend hearing about her love life?

 

Fortunately, she doesn't bring it (her love life) up much at all.

Recently, I've been moving along quite well with this whole ordeal. I've been able to see her and think "she is such a great friend, I feel privileged to know her" more often than "oh, if only..."

She's been a good friend of mine for a long time, long since before such strong feelings developed. I'm grateful for being such good friends with her, and I'd gladly be there for her when she needs a friend, knowing inside that this is how it was meant to be: a friendship.

 

(And it's not like I haven't tried to date other women; I just don't seem to be anyone's idea of a date. Right now, I probably don't need to date, I need to feel better about myself and build that self-esteem before I try the waters again.)