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This is my story. Thinking about the present and future.


itos

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Hi, I’m new here and this is the story.

 

Me and my ex-girlfriend were together for 6 years. Both of us 32. It has been 5 weeks since she dumped me. Thankfully, it has passed some time since, if not this post will be all gloomy and dark. When I got dumped I really felt shocked, bad and extremely depressed, with horrible thoughts.

I really love this woman. She is super cool, we can laugh at almost anything in our relationship, and she has also been my best friend all this time. She writes great, is intelligent and we have some common interests which is awesome. I really want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, I see her as my life partner. When we were together communication has always been good and we always were able to solve things quietly, no fights or yelling or that type of stuff.

 

To sum up everything at the beginning of this year she had the idea of moving out of our country. So naturally I wanted to be with her. I didn’t care in which city or country just to be with her. So, I helped her to find Master Degrees, Scholarships, and we both ended getting a loan for all this trip and studies overseas. I truly love helping here with things. I thought that we could start a new life in a new country and live together. After many difficulties to get out of our country in South America (believe it was really difficult with all the government paperwork and getting the money) we were all set and ready.

 

I bought a ring before the trip. She doesn’t know it but I work many nights to be able to afford it. I prepared something to propose. Somehow she knew that I was going to proposed and stopped me. She said that she couldn’t do it right now. I felt really bad that day but since we were still together I didn’t mind much later. About a month later we flew to Spain to start our studies. Got a place to be together and I bought some furniture too. The part of getting a place in this city was really stressful and since we got she has been under a lot of stress. A month passed since we arrived and she said she wanted to end the relationship. Maybe she thought of that since we were in our country, maybe she realized it for the month we were together that I needed to change.

 

For the first weeks of the breakup we shared the same room since I couldn't just go the street and we have paid many months for the apartment. Now I am in another apartment figuring everything out (also financially). I have helped her too with some things since the breakup she is also alone here in this country.

 

I have never travelled alone, I’m more of a guy that likes being close to his family and friends. I would have never considered this trip on my own. And now I am here in this new country, alone, with my family and friends 5000 kms apart.

 

I mainly join here because I need to share, I need to talk. And I liked the name of the forum: ENotAlone.

 

I have to go out for now, but will share more later (reason for breakup, follow up, what has happened during this month). Thanks a lot for taking your time to read.

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"To sum up everything at the beginning of this year she had the idea of moving out of our country. So naturally I wanted to be with her."

 

With the wording you use, it sounds like she didn't ask you to go, and didn't consult with you as in: "This is what I want. Would you be willing to move with me?" I'm going to guess that she was too cowardly to break up and this was supposed to be her way of moving away and letting the relationship slide off a cliff.

 

I don't know the reason for the demise. Is she the sole center of your universe and you smother her? Are you more like roommates and have lost the passionate side of your relationship? Those are things you can learn from and the mistakes will help you to be a better partner in a future relationship.

 

As for now, after six years together, she made the major decision of ending it. She didn't do this lightly. Usually, when a woman is done, she'd done. It will take a long time to mourn this relationship and heal, but eventually you will mentally move on. For now, you will have to decide if moving back to your home country is what's best for you. Take care.

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You shared a lot of events here and described everything in positive terms, but I suspect there is much more to this story. Were there fights? Signs of her unhappiness? Things she mentioned or asked for that you ignored? Many people say they are surprised when their partner ends a relationship, but I think it's often caused by laziness and inattentiveness -- we just get comfortable and stop trying or caring the way we did at first. She was probably considering ending the relationship for a while before she actually did it. Maybe moving to Spain with you was a test. Perhaps she thought starting a new life would help her decide if she wanted you to be a part of it.

 

I'm sorry you are so far away from family and friends. That would be very hard for me, too. But this is an opportunity for you to learn and grow, and to discover strength you didn't know you had. Have you considered moving back to South America? Are you staying in Spain hoping to get back together with your ex? Do you have a job there?

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I totally collapsed when she dumped, cried and was in total shock. I know it’s the worst thing to do if you don’t want to leave a bad impression to your ex. But later days I didn’t beg, just was depressed of course. I knew that begging wouldn’t solve anything. Of course, I cried and she so me. She also cried and sometimes was depressed and I was there to console her.

 

Mainly the reason that she didn’t want to get married because sex was an issue. It was an effort for her sometimes, maybe I didn’t inspire her enough in that field. This is the main reason. But I think it originates in that I need to change somethings on me to be a better man. Like getting a good job, be able to support someone financially, be in great shape, eat healthy, be more open to changes and learn new things about others people life’s, and basically improving in general as a man.

 

Also, when she dumped me she said that she now loves me but like family, and she really cares just not in a romantic way (like a boyfriend). That I am a really marvelous man and maybe she would regret this decision because she is afraid that she we will never met someone with at least half as good as me. But she was really decided. I couldn't change her mind. And I understand when a woman has it's mind set then there is not much someone can do. I ask her about the future if she never ever wanted to be with me again and she said that she doesn’t know about the future, just the present. That we really can’t know what the future holds. That it could be a possibility, but who knows, many things can happen. I think if she just told me that she never ever wanted to be with me again, blocked me and said that hated my guts then I would probably just have packed and left the country.

 

Also, she told me that wanted for me to move to an apartment downstairs. So she is on the upper floor of the building now.

 

She told me that we have a great bond shared and she doesn’t want me out of her life. I don’t want her out either. I truly love her and of course I want to be with her. But I know right now is not possible. I will just push her if I don’t give her space.

 

I understand now, that I could have done a lot of things to improve that part of our romantic life, and improve myself, my looks and be more attractive (also, on her side). But I can’t change the past right now.

She never had a single phase where she dated and had sex with different partners and tried new things. She once told me this, and I thought it was not a big issue but now I think she needs that.

 

Since the breakup we have had contact (text, going to eat something, shopping, movies) but now that I am in a different apartment contact has decreased, I am also just answering when she writes me about something. Giving her some space. I don't want to suppocate her. Of course I want to see her, hug her and spend time with her.

 

Two days ago I helped her with some government paperwork she needed. Then I ask here what do you want from me? She told me that I am his best friend, and I told her that she is mine. At that point both crying my ex told me she wanted my friendship and my support. I told her that we couldn't be friends like they ones that tell all about their dates and things like that. She agreed. I told her that I want to be for her, support her, and help her however I can, make her smile, spend time together shopping or whatever. But I made me clear that I have feelings for her and want her back in the future. And I want to change/improve things from me and both of us growing up.

 

Note: I am not native English speaker, but trying my best.

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