NC if she's in a relationship?

[IBTAT]

Hey Y'all,

 

So I dated a girl for about 5 months (lived an hour away). I was only able to visit on the weekends which I know took a toll on her. In a matter of a week she started becoming very distant and would take hours to return my texts where as before it was instant. I texted her to make plans for dinner the following weekend and thats when she called and dropped the bomb on me. It was hard to get any answers over the phone as she was crying the whole time.

I asked if it was something I did, she said "No"

I asked if she met someone else, she said "No"

She told me she doesn't think she's ln Love with me, but she thought she was.

I said, "Well if there is nothing I can do than I'll have to say Goodbye. She said goodbye and that was the end of our communication.

We were still following each other on IG and a week later she posted a picture. The first person to like it I randomly looked at his profile and then his FB. Sure, enough it said he was "In a relationship with her". A WEEK LATER!

Im pretty sure they had know each other before and it wasn't someone she just met. I assume she knew she was going to end it with me and he was probably ready to pounce on her as soon as she did

I blocked her from all social media and have been in strict NC since. Its been almost 6 weeks. I wrote her a letter to get things off my chest and have been fighting the urge to send it for 4 days.

We never argued at all during our 5 months together, we had an amazing sex life, very compatible. The only thing I think that hurt us was the distance. She knew I was willing to move to her town but never said anything about "Hey, this distance thing is hurting us, isn't it time for us to live together?"

She just ended it and went straight into a relationship with this other guy.

Would contacting her or sending this letter hurt any chance I have with getting back together should this new relationship fail? The letter has a few apologies, some good memories revisited, and something to the effect that if her and I's paths ever cross again down the line, I won't ask how or why, I'll just accept it for what it is and we can go from there.

Im moving on the best I can. I've been hitting the gym 7 days a week since the breakup and have gone on a couple dates even though my heart wasn't in it. It just sucks because we are so compatible but for whatever reason, she didnt see a future with us. Any advice would sure help! Thanks.

[BrokenGator]

Why would you want to do back to dating someone who dropped you for some other guy?

[IBTAT]

People fall in and out of love all the time. Ive done it myself. Trust me, Ive thought about that the past 6 weeks. Who knows, my mind might change down the road but as of now I just want a future with her.

[Clio]

I wouldn't send the letter. It sounds like offering yourself up to be plan b. Either way, nothing good could come out of it. If you have been out of love yourself then you know that this letter would not do any good. NC and trying to move on is your best chance either way.

 

As for being compatible, you are wrong. The end result should tell you that much. If you were really compatible she wouldn't have been able to give up and move on so easily. You are not compatible, you are just letting letting the "amazing sex" cloud your judgement. Yet, amazing sex does not equal compatibility. Never arguing does not equal compatibility either; lack of communication would be a more plausible explanation in your case. That relationship had serious problems, hence the break up. My advice is to give yourself more NC time to clear your head.

[IBTAT]

Im not going to send it. I guess I just needed someone to tell me that. You're right, it was a communication issue. If something was bothering her she shouldve brought it up rather than just ending it so easily. Just going to do my best to move on and continue dating. Who knows how I'l feel after 2 months.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this happened. Agree long distance can be difficult but an hour and seeing each other every weekend is really not a deal breaker. It seems she met someone and then broke it off. It's great you went go no contact and deleted and blocked her from all social media.

 

Cease all communication and do not send letters, etc. it will only hurt you. You already know she was seeing this guy and that's why she ended it. She didn't end it because of the distance or anything you did.

I dated a girl for about 5 months. She told me she doesn't think she's ln Love with me, but she thought she was. it said he was "In a relationship with her". A WEEK LATER! Would contacting her or sending this letter hurt any chance I have with getting back together should this new relationship fail?

[catfeeder]

I blocked her from all social media and have been in strict NC since. Its been almost 6 weeks. I wrote her a letter to get things off my chest and have been fighting the urge to send it for 4 days.

 

It's good that you've blocked her, but ghaad no, don't send the letter. Aside from it being a counterintuitive way of trying to win any kind of respect from someone after they've dumped you, if you suspect a degree of immaturity that would have had her setting up another guy while you were together so she could just leapfrog over to him, why would you credit her with the maturity and ethics to NOT share such a letter with new guy?

 

I'd skip that, and I'd skip her. Your heart is in the right place, but not for her. Instead, I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this. She's not worth your pain, and we never get any wasted time to live over again.

 

Head high, and allow bad matches to pass early.

[No1]

Good, you didnt send it. The letter was more for you than it was for her. She probably no longer cares what you think anyway..

 

I chuckled when you said you were trying to move on, but you wanted to see if sending the letter would ruin your chances of getting back. Truth is, she knows how to find you, if she wants to be with you, she will let it be known. Problem is that she doesnt want to be with you.

 

You two had a good time but the relationship is over. Things like this do happen.. Learn from this and move forward. There is another girl out there for you

[MissCanuck]

The reason she never told you the distance was bothering her was because, well, she didn't care enough about the relationship to try to fix it. Someone who is really committed would talk to you about it. Someone who is not all that committed lets it drop. She falls into the latter category.

 

You are correct that she more than likely had been getting close to this other guy for a little while. That alone should tell you something about her. It sounds like she was lining up her other option while continuing to play along with you. Not good.