Last Update For Awhile

[Wolverineluke]

Hello. Not sure how many people read these, but I just had to post one more story.

 

My ex and I have hung out twice in the last 2 weeks. First time I posted about. Second time was today. We went and got food, talked, reminisced, and came back to my place and just relaxed and played some of our favorite video games/listed to music, etc. like we used to.

 

We both had a blast, poked fun, tickled each other, she grabbed me and ended up sitting on my lap, etc. just a lot of fun. She brought up our relationship a few times, which has been over for almost a year now (hard to believe) and even talked bad about it saying that, for example, I said I was an a hole for something and she said 'well thats why were the way we are now' (for the record not idea where she's coming from on that one).

 

But point is here, its possible to at least be friends. I obviously, like all of you, want more than friends at some point, but we are building up the trust again. We started today with her sitting on the same couch as me but not touching me at all and ended up having her legs laying on top of mine.

 

I know it is hard, I've have been at the lowest of lows. But its important, and integral, to understand that unfortunately the ball is in their court. They have to be the ones to initiate any sort of attempt to try again. I've made all the offing mistakes, and it got me nowhere. So I decided to be nonchalant and just enjoy our time together. We still click just like day one, but its important to establish the trust again. And I highly suggest figuring out what it was that caused the relationship to falter in the first place and fixing it before trying to initiate contact again. Us breaking up had more to do with her being young and dumb and wanting to party/smoke/drink than it did anything with me. But I still sat down and made sure I corrected all of the things I used to do that came across as douchey or controlling or whatever it was perceived, but not meant, as.

 

Long story short, after 11.5 months, I am taking a break from this forum. All of these threads have been so helpful, and having the false hope helps tremendously when trying to get back on your feet. I would say, however, that when you feel strong enough to accept everything, stop reading this and go out and meet new people. Keep your ex on the back burner, honor whatever request they have asked of you, and do not be afraid to reach out once in awhile. We went from her telling me she needed to be left alone back in July to me being able to give her a kiss on the forehead tonight without any sort of regret or push back fro her end.

 

So please please please worry about yourself. Get yourself to a point where you would be able to face your ex and tell them off if need be. Be able to look in the mirror and understand any problem is fixable as long as both parties are down for the fight. But if only one side is fighting (you guys) it is not worth it, and you need to move on. I promise there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I was madly in love with my ex, and I still love her like crazy, but sometimes people need to grow up before anything spectacular can brew. So let go and let things happen the way they're supposed to. And I'm going to reiterate: DO NOT BE AFRAID TO REACH OUT TO THEM ONCE IN AWHILE. Get yourself to a point where you do not care if they respond or not and just go for it. You already have nothing to lose. Remember, the only way your ex, or any other potential person, can see how great you are is if you take chances!!!!

[requiem]

Congrats. Keep up the hard work. And it is nice to hear your positive note at the end.

[Trinity11]

Hey, i skimmed over the other threads. Couple of questions..who broke it off? It looked like it could have gone either way...she needed to grow..she thought you did something a hole or whatever. Also how did the meets ups originate..you initiated it in the end it seems?

[Wolverineluke]

Hey, i skimmed over the other threads. Couple of questions..who broke it off? It looked like it could have gone either way...she needed to grow..she thought you did something a hole or whatever. Also how did the meets ups originate..you initiated it in the end it seems?

 

Hey. She broke it off with me after a year and a few months. Yeah she explained she wanted to date other people to see what else was out there, typical stuff. And yeah I did the typical ahole things but fixed them now. Every meet up has been initiated by me. I don't understand why it told on here to let them come to you. Their last impression of you is the breakup. Get strong, get smart, and get confident. Then meet up to show how much you've grown. She was always open to meet up. Last couple weeks especially. Time heals most wounds.

[requiem]

I don't understand why it told on here to let them come to you. Their last impression of you is the breakup. Get strong, get smart, and get confident. Then meet up to show how much you've grown. She was always open to meet up. Last couple weeks especially. Time heals most wounds.

 

I've felt the same way about the information on this site. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

[Trinity11]

I've felt the same way about the information on this site. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

 

i get this too...although I think a certain amount of time must elapse. And a concerted effort not to keep replaying conversations that have already been said need to happen. As Wolver said...you need to heal first. Really heal, to that point you don't care anymore if they do shut you out.

I could contact my ex atm. I want to leave a good impression, he has such a wrong and resentful view of me which really was quite shocking, yet at the same time, i still miss him like crazy and i dont want him to sense the sadness or loss. It would not benefit anyone. I think my reply to his nye text was positive, yet plain and I left a subject that he could have elaborated on for further discussion (hoped he had gone well on job interview) but he did not continue any texting so i did not send another. I decided at that point..even if i was ready, he was not.

[Wolverineluke]

I've felt the same way about the information on this site. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

 

Nah, not by far. People nowadays are so concerned that they might push someone away. But, the reality is, as long as it's not overdone, reaching out and being the initiator will not have that effect as long as enough time has elapsed. If it does, it's definitely time to find someone new.

[Wolverineluke]

i get this too...although I think a certain amount of time must elapse. And a concerted effort not to keep replaying conversations that have already been said need to happen. As Wolver said...you need to heal first. Really heal, to that point you don't care anymore if they do shut you out.

I could contact my ex atm. I want to leave a good impression, he has such a wrong and resentful view of me which really was quite shocking, yet at the same time, i still miss him like crazy and i dont want him to sense the sadness or loss. It would not benefit anyone. I think my reply to his nye text was positive, yet plain and I left a subject that he could have elaborated on for further discussion (hoped he had gone well on job interview) but he did not continue any texting so i did not send another. I decided at that point..even if i was ready, he was not.

 

Yeah honestly just let it go for awhile, few weeks to a month. Then pop in and just say 'I'm curious how your interview went'. I'm telling you the only reason you haven't is for fear of rejection. I was like that for a long time until I realized my true personality was in jeopardy as I'm very assertive and outspoken, and I don't like to feel trapped. It's so important to take chances. If you don't, you'll never know the outcome and always wonder. I'd rather do something and be disappointed for a bit than always wonder what could have been