What should I do?

[gracefor8]

I don't know what i should do. I have been seeing a guy that I used to date a few years back. We reunited 5 months ago, but it was at the end of another relationship he was in. I was hesitant, not sure if he was over it, but we both were so excited at the prospect that we might have another chance with each other, we were talking future in no time. Then we slowed it down as I started to sense some holding back on his part. He had trouble saying, " I love you", which was never a problem when we were together the first time. As I heard pieces of what happened , she really hurt him. I have sensed him pulling away this past month and thought he would work through whatever it was on his own. But his distance took a toll on me, and on us, and I had a bit of an emotional melt down a couple of weeks ago. He then started talking about wanting time and space and did not want to talk about why I was so upset, etc.. It has been hard the last two weeks, we have spoken a little. Last night, he was drunk and he shared that his ex contacted him on New Year's Eve. He said it was just wishing him a good new year, but I could tell it had an affect on him, in the midst of our crisis. (Another detail is that he is moving to another city next fall, the city she lives in, 6 hours away from me. These plans have been in place for quite some time, and are more about being closer to his children, than anything else.) I trusted him when he told me it was over and there was nothing to worry about. We talked openly about it all., at one point. Today, we spoke briefly and I said I had concerns that perhaps he was looking to rekindle things when he moves. I calmly stated that I think its only fair to me to share that with me, if it is how he is feeling. We plan to talk about it more tonight, as it was just a quick call this morning. What do I say? How do I proceed with this? My stomach is on knots, but I know I deserve someone who loves me and isn't looking to get back with an ex. I will let him go, but should I push the topic of us breaking up? or leave it be and see what happens?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like he's not over her even if he thinks or says he is. Asking for 'time and space" is a breakup so there's no need to discuss that.

it was at the end of another relationship he was in. and he shared that his ex contacted him on New Year's Eve. He then started talking about wanting time and space and did not want to talk about why I was so upset, etc. he is moving to another city next fall, the city she lives in, 6 hours away from me.

[gebaird]

This is clearly a rebound, which has to piss you off at least a little. Nobody wants to be used, and perhaps that wasn't his intention, but this is what happens when a new relationship starts (or is rekindled) too soon after the old one ends.

 

Get this thing wrapped up quickly so you can start the process of healing and moving on. He will likely try to contact you again down the road, and if he does it would probably be best to ignore him.

[stormie]

Gosh, I'm sorry you have to go through this "stomach in knots" thing. I know the feeling all too well...

 

Honestly, I think that he rushed getting into another relationship and that it is possible that you are the rebound.

Unfortunately, he got into a relationship with you too soon, and the fact that he talked about his ex while intoxicated - even to mention that she said, "Hi" seems as if he still has some feelings for her. But this is natural.

 

What I would do if I were you is let him air out his feelings. Personally, I know it bothers you - but I wouldn't question him about her because it may make you come off as insecure. Try not to question him too much, or you'll wind up suffocating him emotionally. I know it's hard, but at the end of the day, people cannot control what they feel.

I would not push the topic of breaking up. You are only asking for it.

[SherrySher]

No, No, No...this man is still not over his ex and he can't emotionally connect to you because of it. He is having difficulties saying "I love you" because his heart is elsewhere. Then he up and tells you his ex contacted him on New Years...you know why? Because it's affecting him and he's hurting still over her.

Tell this man it's over, second time around hardly ever works and with his head and heart still stuck elsewhere, this really is pointless and will give you much more headaches.

[gracefor8]

Well we talked and it actually went very well. He examples that the greeting was unexpected from her, but that there was nothing to worry about. He reiterated that he loves me and that we have our own things to work on between us. We are still

giving each other space , but things are better . We were even flirting a bit a coupe of days ago. Can someone explain to me how pace and attraction works for guys ? Because I am nervous that if we don't spend some time together soon, it will do more harm than good.

[JaggerJim]

Unfortunately it sounds like he's not over her even if he thinks or says he is. Asking for 'time and space" is a breakup so there's no need to discuss that.

 

I think you should guard your heart, because if he's moving back into her hometown/city, then he can easily re-kindle things with her. I would let him go........

[gracefor8]

I feel like that is sound advice. It so difficult to let go of what I thought could be a second chance. He is someone I love very much.