At a crossroads...what do I do?

[phtt]

Hi all,

 

Before I begin, I just want to say that I am touched by the support and openness that I've been seeing on this forum. It's really comforting to know that you are not alone, so thank you all for being a part of this big community.

 

Long story short, my girlfriend of 2.5 years has fallen out of love with me. We met in college, and since post-grad we have moved in together, went on trips together, and even adopted a pet together. We loved each other deeply, and it was a healthy relationship where we supported each other and celebrated our differences. We were best friends. She knew me better than anyone and we loved each other so much. We planned our future together. However, as of late we both felt like the relationship was stuck in a bit of a rut. I thought it was just part of the seasons of love and that it will pass. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. A few nights ago, she told me that she feels like the relationship has regressed into a friendship, and she doesn't want the guilt of treating me just as a friend while we are together. She wants time and space to be alone and she wants to try to move on so that she can really figure out what her feelings are for me. We broke up amicably.

 

I'm a foreign national and because of visa complications I have to go back to my home country for at least 6 months. With this happening right before I have to leave the country, I am just not sure if we can ever work it out, especially if it is to be worked out over long distance. I'm heartbroken and hurt because I still love her. My friends and family are telling me to move on, but I'm still hoping for a miracle. Am I foolish to want to wait for her? I don't want to throw away what we had, what we have nurtured. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection, about things that I didn't do as well and things I could have done better. If I were given a second chance, I would never make the same mistakes (taking her for granted, not giving her my full attention at times, doing more of the little things everyday, etc).

 

We planned to go on a short trip a while back, and we both still have the tickets. It's taking place next month, a few weeks before I have to go back to my home country. I asked if she refunded her ticket, and she said she is going to hold up onto it for now depending on how she feels about us. I still have hope that she would come around, but I don't want to disappoint myself.

 

I hold no resentment towards her. What we had was beautiful, and I cherished all the happy memories that we have shared together.

[gebaird]

Give her the space she's asked for, and let her initiate contact. It's awful to be living with such uncertainty, but recognize that, in time, you will be okay either way (even if the relationship doesn't work out). I hope, for your sake, that this is just a bump in the road and that she will come back to you.

[Tanzi]

You aren't foolish to want to wait ... it's only been a few days after all ... but in time you will realise that it isn't in your best interests to wait. A few days isn't that long for self-reflection. Besides, you probably haven't done anything wrong. People just grow apart or their feelings change. There isn't really anything you can do other than give her the space that she has asked for. In the meantime you have to learn to accept that things may well be over.

[Wiseman2]

Are you still living together? It sounds like a few things are going on. One is the freindzone feelings she has and the other is the possibility of a LDR, which is difficult. Are you prepared to go on the trip as friends?

we both felt like the relationship was stuck in a bit of a rut. she told me that she feels like the relationship has regressed into a friendship, and she doesn't want the guilt of treating me just as a friend while we are together. I'm a foreign national and because of visa complications I have to go back to my home country for at least 6 months.

[phtt]

Are you still living together? It sounds like a few things are going on. One is the freindzone feelings she has and the other is the possibility of a LDR, which is difficult. Are you prepared to go on the trip as friends?

 

She is staying at her parents so we aren't living together anymore. I am not sure if I can go as friends, I'm just holding out for a miracle where she wants to go with the hope of rekindling what we had, but I don't want to get disappointed.

 

I will be back in my home country for at least 6 months, and there is no guarantee I can make it back. Heck, my incentive to come back has gone down a lot ever since the breakup, but I don't want to make any drastic decisions right after a breakup.

[phtt]

Give her the space she's asked for, and let her initiate contact. It's awful to be living with such uncertainty, but recognize that, in time, you will be okay either way (even if the relationship doesn't work out). I hope, for your sake, that this is just a bump in the road and that she will come back to you.

 

Thanks gebaird. I'm just letting her be and trying to cope with the pain.

[phtt]

You aren't foolish to want to wait ... it's only been a few days after all ... but in time you will realise that it isn't in your best interests to wait. A few days isn't that long for self-reflection. Besides, you probably haven't done anything wrong. People just grow apart or their feelings change. There isn't really anything you can do other than give her the space that she has asked for. In the meantime you have to learn to accept that things may well be over.

 

Thanks Blue68. I'm trying to do both - giving her space and slowly accepting how things are. I have been doing a lot of reading on this forum. A lot of people are saying that sometimes you do need to be apart to grow separately and eventually if it's meant to be, you guys will get together. It is very possible that we will both move on in the future, but that thought is difficult to stomach at the moment.

[Tanzi]

A lot of people are saying that sometimes you do need to be apart to grow separately and eventually if it's meant to be, you guys will get together.

 

I think that is true, especially if you've been together from a relatively young age. You just need to take one day at a time and try not to think about all the other stuff .... hard though I know it is,