Get it off my chest. Hurting, down days.

[lillorenzo23]

So it's been about a month and a half since my 2 year relationship ended. I've been doing all of the 'right' things, gym, new interests, meeting new people, NC, got rid of everything that had to do with him, haven't been trying to date, no drinking, no drugs, spending time with family and friends. I've been reading self help books, going to my therapist, even joined a codependency meeting group.

 

The past two days I've thought about and missed him a lot. The thing that is getting me is all of the memories. I've even thought about and listed everything I didn't like and all of the ways I wasn't treated right. I know that I deserve better than that, and realized I wasn't even as happy as I thought I was. There were plenty of times I didn't feel good enough, and plenty of times I was upset/alone during the relationship. For whatever reason, even with those things in mind...I still can't help but remember all of the awesome times we spent together and it makes me miss him a whole freakin' lot. I know it hasn't even been two months yet, and I know this takes time, but I can't wait til I hit that point. The point of being able to look back and not feel much of anything instead of feeling my chest get tight and my heart start to hurt.

 

I've been through break-ups before, and the first one that really got to me I did all of the wrong things and drug the pain on for way too long. I'm not doing that this time, but this is a 2 year relationship vs the first one which was about 4 months. Way more memories in this one. Just praying for that day to come...that way I can live a day, week, month, the rest of my life happy, not down.

 

Just felt like I needed to get that out.

[Sillybillycat]

I'm so sorry you feel this way, I know it's hard. I'm going through something similar, and identified with what you wrote a lot. I can't wait to get to the point where our memories don't haunt me anymore, but it's gonna take some time. I don't think you can just stop loving someone right away in most cases, that's why. Continue what you've been doing and you'll see that it will get better, hopefully soon.

[Andrina]

I was in a one year relationship with someone who I found was incompatible with me in just about every major way, and yet after he ended it, I didn't get over him until about the six month mark. He set me back at month 4 by texting me. You're doing all of the right things to heal, and eventually you will. Fortunately, when I met my future husband, I appreciated him all the more, since I couldn't help but compare him favorably to the ex. I believe the same will happen to you. You've learned what you don't want, and won't settle for less than great. Take care.

[katara42]

Oh relatable today I hope you're having a good day.

[luisannalui]

Remember, you are just idealizing this guy. You cannot call "love" what "hurts" you. How did it go with the gay church meeting activity you previously talk about?

[lillorenzo23]

Remember, you are just idealizing this guy. You cannot call "love" what "hurts" you. How did it go with the gay church meeting activity you previously talk about?

 

 

It's still going on. There were around 1,500 people from all different denominations from 48 states and 17 different countries from all different identities worshiping together. There's activities planned for the next 3 days as well, and I'm going to all of them. Its truly amazing, and I'm so glad I get to experience it. The only down side is seeing groups of gay couples there on the same page, some married with kids, and being there alone. Not trying to have a pity party either, because it's all for an awesome cause. Just not a good feeling and it's something I need to deal with and get past. I know this is temporary, and I realize that too can be me one day, just wasn't the right time with the right person. Going through the motions you know?

[luisannalui]

1,500 and all of them are marry? Come on, you cannot be that out luck! Remember, when you told us that you was looking in the bad direction? Well, you need to change perspective. Don't make love a priority right now. Network, network, and network with these people, is even good to meet marry couple , so you can learn from them! Or you never know if that marry couple have a friend and your next mate will be that friend? Keep focusing on you and use this meeting and these people to improve yourself. Let Love comes to you.

 

You cannot expect different results with the same way of thinking.

 

Good luck!

[lillorenzo23]

1,500 and all of them are marry? Come on, you cannot be that out luck! Remember, when you told us that you was looking in the bad direction? Well, you need to change perspective. Don't make love a priority right now. Network, network, and network with these people, is even good to meet marry couple , so you can learn from them! Or you never know if that marry couple have a friend and your next mate will be that friend? Keep focusing on you and use this meeting and these people to improve yourself. Let Love comes to you.

 

You cannot expect different results with the same way of thinking.

 

Good luck!

 

I'm actually not even going to this conference with hopes of finding somebody. I know that not even 2 months out of my relationship is not a good time to start thinking about the next person. I more or less just want to make connections in the local community to get involved with new friends and activities.