Lost

[alikat72]

I was in a 6 months relationship with a man who finally thought could be "the one". Long story short my perfect man of my dreams could possibly be a narcissist psychopath. He does carry many of the traits and many of my friends believe he emotionally abused me. I'm not a Dr or therapist but I've become quite educated on NPD . It's hard for me to accept all this because I do admit I was a bit needy and insecure during our relationship but nothing over the top or crazy. I'm confused and unsure of everything that has transpired over the past few months. Everything's my fault, he's very critical of me, one minute he loves me one minute he hates me, he demanded threesomes and would behave like a 2 year old when he would not get his way, then withhold affection, showed no empathy for me for any situation I can go on and on. It's been a whirlwind of all kinds of crap. A couple weeks ago I became angry and fed up with him and just let him have it. I was so upset and yet managed to make it my fault and call me crazy and said I needed help with my issues then discarded me ...... he was most upset when I told him my friends thought he was emotionally abusing me. Which is hard for to grasp but yes all the signs are there. During our relationship I also developed anxiety and I've withdrawn from my friends and family. Worse part is I blame myself and I miss him. I've begged him back and it's been difficult to let go. I know he's toxic and I need to move on but my heart at war with my mind. I've lost myself .

[HockeyFan]

It seems you know already what the right thing to do is - and there's nobody here who will tell you that what you are feeling is WRONG. Always listen to that gut instinct of yours - it's telling you what is right and what is wrong. I know your heart hurts - it doesn't matter how terrible a person you care about has treated you, your heart will still hurt because you have feelings for them. But you know this isn't the way you deserve to be treated, want to be treated, and expect a loving relationship to be. When the heart starts to overpower the mind - remind that mind of yours of that. You don't need him back, or really want him back - his return will heal that "I miss him" feeling but then you're back to where you were before. You know you don't need or want that. The "I miss him" feeling will go away. Don't believe me - promise yourself no contact with him, for 1 month, and move on with your life. Get back to doing things with your friends and family - doing something for you. Then a month from now look back and you will see things so differently.

 

You want a mutual loving, caring relationship with a guy you can trust. Not someone who makes you feel the way you did...and you know that. Your heart is just dealing with the loss - and that goes away with time.

 

Hang in there - you'll be fine - but please give yourself that time you need.

[Pretzel]

Please trust me when I say you should walk away from this relationship for good and never look back. Once you have moved on, you will honestly look back and wonder to yourself, how on earth you did cling onto him for so long, when there are such good, loving men out there who will love you how you should be loved, and never bring you the slightest bit of anxiety or insecurity or make you feel that you are 'crazy'. It is honestly true. I know it's hard to believe it now, and just to hear it from someone else, or just to believe it because someone is telling you to, you will have to see it for yourself to believe it, but it is true and if you allow yourself and exercise this discipline, you WILL see it and you will believe it and you will surprise yourself.

 

He is not the perfect man of your dreams, you are just blinded under the 'spell' of this toxic, addictive relationship. You are seeking his love and approval, because when he criticizes you, it makes you feel so insecure, you need him to love you again to get your fix/your high/to feel good again. Consider yourself lucky that he broke up with you. Let him go. Let him be the way he wants to be, until someone doesn't stand for it anymore, and maybe one day he'll realise that he just finds faults in everyone and throws tantrums.

And by the way, from what you describe, he does show signs of narcissistic personality disorder. And you have to remember that this type of person is very difficult to be in a relationship with, because they see the world differently to you, everything is centered from their perspective and he is not truly at peace with himself, which is why he finds so many faults in others. And also, the reason he hated it so much when you told him what your friends said, is because he is also extremely, extremely, fragile underneath it all. He has low esteem and covers it up. And when you tap into that, or criticise him, he will be very sensitive and won't take it very well.

 

Give it a chance with other people and find an outlet elsewhere, stay strong and you will see all of this. Good luck to you.

[bigsister00]

Hey if it's Becky, it's Jim. Kind of a few lies you made about situation but whatever, I'm not going to clarify to strangers that it's bullish. It sounds your m.o. at the moment considering the situation. I didn't completely hate you,it was just bottled up because you know we never had a fight. Too late now though. Ohh the npd I agree with. Or it's something else, no idea. I'm sorry if I took steam out of your ranting That I'm the worse. I just didn't want you to think I hate you, last message was to vent that built up anger. That wasn't even me letting it out either. That was like nothing compared with what I was angry about. That was just me saying I'm angry and I hated you during our relationship from built up anger. I think I was right you can't handle fights though.

Please do learn what I was saying otherwise you going to have another or abusive bf and I don't want that for you. I would rather be that complete and call you out on a forum than see one of those men hurt you. I cherished you, I loved you. I want that for you again. I just don't want you, especially with that baggage called your friends and family. Talk about toxic. At least I shouted at mine when they were nobs. God worse relationship of my life, I'll try one more relationship if Ihat Is even worse then i give up. Something obviously happens as you get older, I think men are expected to be more subservient as they are in relationship. that.Like seriously no regrets being without any of that. See I can't have any conversation with anyone without getting angry about you, all that meditation and bam think of you once and angry. I have a lot to improve, I hope you do the same. Also gah if it is Becky what are the chances right. I've just been given advice only to others but then Stumble Upon this lol. Either that or crashed in on someone else thread to which I'm so sorry. If other person is the same, I think there may be more to it than you thought. Maybe he was sabotaging on purpose or was angry as well but then he could just be a pervert with issues. In any case,there is always someone for everyone so don't give up. Anyway you are better without each other even if it does hurt but in time it will hurt less. Maybe there is something the past relationship has taught you or could for the next one. However as I always say, who knows best about their relationship than the people in the relationship. Maybe you should try asking him but be careful you may need to probe a lot if it's npd. Covering true feelings is pretty common. I think they have a lot of coping strategies online for npd, maybe that will help for asking for answers. It may help to move on.

[leseine7]

"Forced me to have threesomes." okay, so just zeroing in on this one - any forced sexual ANYTHING is assault/ rape. If you did not want to do it and he forced you, that's a whole separate issue and already a reason to get as far from this guy as possible.

 

None of us has enough info to properly diagnose him, but someone who is emotionally abusive, pathologically controlling and manipulative and who stalks you on a relationship forum which is supposed to be anonymous is way past a waste of your time and mental health. (if that is him on this thread, and by the way Jim, even if you're not the person in question with OP, you need to learn to PM rather than hijack a thread on this forum making it impossible for the OP to get any legit advice.)

 

Hoping moderators can jump in here because .

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately after dating 6 mos his true colors came out, so you dodged a bullet.

 

Make sure you completely delete and block him from all social media and messaging and go no contact.

 

Next time take it slowly and remember that dating is the get-to-know-you stage and no one is "the one" before you really know them. Never try to fix, repair or change anyone. Dating is not a molding project, it's an observation time.

 

The minute red flags emerge, get out. Don't drag it out like this looking for his diagnosis, etc. Cut your losses asap. End it and block, delete.

I was in a 6 months relationship. he's very critical of me, one minute he loves me one minute he hates me, he demanded threesomes.A couple weeks ago I became angry and fed up with him and just let him have it. call me crazy and said I needed help with my issues then discarded me.

[alikat72]

Thank you all for the great advice. I know in my heart what needs to be done. Run, never look back and I'm definitely moving forward.