Still Healing...Free Time is Killing Me Now, Any Ideas?

[LegalGirl2009]

It's been about a month since the break-up...I've really struggled on and off through this time but with the holidays, I was able to get my mind off stuff pretty easily. I cut off all contact with him about a week or so after the break-up.

 

I've also moved pretty recently and don't have too many friends in my new location. Now I am left with my thoughts and the free time is killing me. Every time I feel better, I take a few steps backwards.

 

Anyone have any good reads for after a break-up? Or possibly any hobby ideas. I've started going to the gym and that's been great. But I just can't seem to get my mind off him and I can't let it impact me too much...

[Wiseman2]

Go to the local library and sign up to take out movies, books and see what community things they have going on. Also look for local adult classes or lessons at community colleges, etc. See if there are volunteering opportunities in an interest you have or cause you care about.

[LegalGirl2009]

Thank you, those are all great ideas. I'm thinking about taking a cooking class.

[mgsportsfan252]

Also, take some classes at the gym as well. You can meet people there and burn some calories as well

 

Some things that I have done the past few months since my BU is I started hiking, going to the gym, learning the guitar and staying busy with friends. I know the latter is more difficult to do in your situation. But like wiseman said look at community flyers and im sure there are great things to keep you occupied.

 

Best of luck! You will get through this, it just takes time.

[RayF]

Been there. Was in a relationship for five years a few year ago and never forged friendships in the city I moved to. I found myself lost and completely isolated with no life.

 

This is what I did:

 

1) Fill your social calendar. With catch ups, some of these people have their own lives and friends and circles and you might never be part of their inner circle but as you get older you realize that friendships are more about "appointments" be independent, reach out to someone you have not seen in awhile and shekel a dinner and keep these people on rotation

2) Classes, or clubs, learn a language, a new skill... you might make friends you might not

3) tinder, bumble, whatever... If you are not ready to date no worries you don't have to do anything it get out out of the house. Keeps you busy. Thats it.

4) Go out alone, go shopping and try on new stuff. Go for coffee alone. Put on your most kick ass outfit and walk around town like you mean it with no particular plan.

4) Bumble BFF. Make a new pal, and put effort into it. They are usually looking for the same thing you are. They don't have to be your friend forever just for now, maybe forever.

 

Over time you will build friends and routines and be OK being by yourself. Mot of my friends these days are "scheduled" friends. And I keep busy with work... and I date.

 

Im happier in a relationship but if I don't have it... I need to keep myself in "the game". It's continual work,

 

Especially now... you need to keep moving, just don't stop. go go go... it helps so much, don't stop to think...

[LegalGirl2009]

Thank you everyone!

[LegalGirl2009]

Thank you for your kind words! Hiking sounds pretty nice and a great way to get away from the hectic day to day stuff.

 

 

Also, take some classes at the gym as well. You can meet people there and burn some calories as well

 

Some things that I have done the past few months since my BU is I started hiking, going to the gym, learning the guitar and staying busy with friends. I know the latter is more difficult to do in your situation. But like wiseman said look at community flyers and im sure there are great things to keep you occupied.

 

Best of luck! You will get through this, it just takes time.

[LegalGirl2009]

I have a lot of best friends, but we all live all over the place now. They've been so awesome trying to keep me busy even with the distance. And I have no problem going out alone, I actually go to the movies alone all the time. It's a nice place to get your mind off stuff.

 

I know emotionally I'm not ready to date, I'm lonely so I'd probably jump into something that's not right for me.

 

It's just so hard going from having someone to talk to all the time to having no one. But like you said I just have to keep moving.

 

Been there. Was in a relationship for five years a few year ago and never forged friendships in the city I moved to. I found myself lost and completely isolated with no life.

 

This is what I did:

 

1) Fill your social calendar. With catch ups, some of these people have their own lives and friends and circles and you might never be part of their inner circle but as you get older you realize that friendships are more about "appointments" be independent, reach out to someone you have not seen in awhile and shekel a dinner and keep these people on rotation

2) Classes, or clubs, learn a language, a new skill... you might make friends you might not

3) tinder, bumble, whatever... If you are not ready to date no worries you don't have to do anything it get out out of the house. Keeps you busy. Thats it.

4) Go out alone, go shopping and try on new stuff. Go for coffee alone. Put on your most kick ass outfit and walk around town like you mean it with no particular plan.

4) Bumble BFF. Make a new pal, and put effort into it. They are usually looking for the same thing you are. They don't have to be your friend forever just for now, maybe forever.

 

Over time you will build friends and routines and be OK being by yourself. Mot of my friends these days are "scheduled" friends. And I keep busy with work... and I date.

 

Im happier in a relationship but if I don't have it... I need to keep myself in "the game". It's continual work,

 

Especially now... you need to keep moving, just don't stop. go go go... it helps so much, don't stop to think...

[RayF]

I really can relate to every word you said trust me!

 

The best friends afar, some people don't even have that!

 

I love doing stuff for myself, movies alone all that. I got good at that, but being social was and is harder for me as an introvert.

 

I hear you on being lonely and I hear you on not ready to date. I realize I'm full on rebounding but I'm doing it because as a recovering meek guy with self esteem issues in his prime and finally comfortable around women and people in general so I need this for a different reason it's an ego boost but it does have its consequences.

 

It's just to keep me moving, but I agree it's better to be on your own for a bit. That's how you really get over the person.

 

But try bumble BFF. It's a great idea I wish I thought of and Copyrighted haha.

 

Meet ups and all that are great too if you're the kind of person who can go and talk to fifty strangers. I wasn't, so I loved bumble bff because if a guy (or gal) is on there they want the same thing and will put the effort into contact being a friend and hanging out.

 

I met a guy off there he may not be a best friend in time but he gets me out he's a wingman, a guy to book a weekend trip with...

 

I'm a guy who wants a loving life with a special person I thought I had that but she left me. Until I find that I'm going to just keep moving, I've been still too long in my life.

 

San Fran is great, awesome places to eat and walk around town people are actually friendly and more real. You will be fine, and when you need to vent you can do it here.

 

Good luck!

[mgsportsfan252]

When you are ready to put yourself out there and date feel free to do it. However, I wouldn't recommend tinder. That's used for hookups and validation/attention. I am assuming you won't be looking for that when you are ready. Figured I'd mention it.

 

I am a male so this is my perspective but I know guys on there are just looking for sex and nothing more. I lasted a week before finally deleting it (I got matches but they all flaked).

[RayF]

When you are ready to put yourself out there and date feel free to do it. However, I wouldn't recommend tinder. That's used for hookups and validation/attention. I am assuming you won't be looking for that when you are ready. Figured I'd mention it.

 

I am a male so this is my perspective but I know guys on there are just looking for sex and nothing more. I lasted a week before finally deleting it (I got matches but they all flaked).

 

I met two really good girls from Tinder and I never had much luck in the past with it! Most flake yes. like for every 100 matches you will get one girl you want to dare for a bit is actually the ratio i found. But you can sit there watching TV and do it mindlessly and send a "hi Sounds how are you?" message and if they respond and ask you bet theres a chance they will at least meet up with you.

 

But i find almost nothing happens on bumble. I had success with Happn but dont use it anymore. This round strangely tinder has been great to me.

 

I just signed up and was accepted to "The league" which is really exclusive, hard to get on and a lot more match making like. The quality of people an response rate is much better and if you act like a douchebag or douchebaguette you get kicked off of it.